Im_Dana

I appreciate those of you who got to, and follow, AA meetings. In my opinion, AA is just trading one addiction for another. Kind of like this "new" generation, blame it on someone else, always. When are we ever going to realize that... We made the choice! Blaming it on some higher power and than asking for help? You might as well post a sign to your bathroom mirror saying "You are the one in control of your life".
I believed my husband was a gambler. I took my family to the meetings.. All I heard was whinning! I would be a terrible mom to subject my kids to that ever again! We went twice.
AA is just the same..
I know I'm really screwed up and need help right now.. But, AA? Not my thing!
I really need help, just don't know where to go. I attempted suicide last December, I don't want to go there again.
Any ideas?
Dana

2tough2die

Lots of programs... I vaguely use LifeRing (http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm go straight to the FAQ page for the skinny) although go to AA meetings on occassion.

I dont think I really have issues w/ AA, although I'll admit thier program isn't really for me. I like the First Step and the social aspect of it. I've made some good friends there who have supported and helped me although they know I dont really work "the program". Sometimes I go to just listen and learn from others in a general way.

There's plenty of people working other programs around these parts, or hodgepodges of programs. Maybe you'll find one that works, or maybe you'll find that AA works once you get to know some folks that can steer you 'round your concerns.

Either way, stick around. Nice to meet ya!

Autumn

Hi Dana. I feel much the same way you do, and started a similar thread. It's in the "What is Recovery?" forum. There's some fantastic info in there.

I tried to link to it, but it didn't work. The thread is titled "Moving on and choosing life ~ without AA".

Doug

Alternative Programs

Millwallj

and a good link with that. Nice one SR

ARIES

Hey Dana ...
I just read your pm ...I agree with you and not even with a thousend horses they get me into another aa meeting here in Antwerp...But indeed you "have"control over your l!ife even if your husband's a gambler or a cheater or even when your pa is a murderer and all people around you are drinking...I tell you what helps me...just sticking around on SR to and read other peoples posts and react on them and posting my own threads...You will find out you will soon find out that you will get a lot of friends around here...Love from Stefanie

STICK AROUND I SHOULD SAY

roadie58

Might I ask what kind of AA experience you have had and how much effort you put into it?

CarolD

Hi Dana,....

Get your head clear from alcohol then you choose. Simple.

Here you go ....AA Alternatives....

here are links to some other "non-AA" groups you might want to check out. If you live in a smaller community most of these groups will not have face to face meetings available, but they all have some degree of on-line support

LifeRing ww.unhooked.com

SMART Recovery www.smartrecovery.org

Rational Recovery www.rational.org

SOS Secular Organization for Sobriety http://www.sossobriety.org/fastindex.htm

Women for Sobriety www.womenforsobriety.org

And we can’t forget http://www.soberrecovery.com/links/...esto12step.html

If you are truly interested in attempting moderation you might also want to check out

Moderation Management www.moderation.org

tink360

HI im not a AA person either...not that i dont agree with it...its just not for me...Im grateful that your still alive and here with us...i know it might sound stupid but i would sugest also maybe seeing a therapist...i see one who helps me tremendously...i know its not for everybody, just like AA isint for everybody...but suicide is a dangerous point to get to and if you had a therapist to talk to on a regular basis its posible to prevent you from getting to that point again...hope you find what your looking for here,,,good luck to you...and welcome to SR

Luckyv2

WOW Carol that was cool TY FOR the information and I would like to say that if we remain open minded we will never fail

Love Vic

bartender129

Hiya Dana,

I have been hanging out at SMART Recovery online for 3 plus years, with the past 6 months being my most active. The tools clicked with me and I use them consistently for examining my thinking and emotions. I also enjoy the online meetings and am pretty active on their message board. I volunteer my time at the website (username at SMART is “leaf”) as a member of the online welcoming committee.

Here is a quick introduction to SMART.

If you have any questions at all feel free to ask.

Jupiter2

Hi Dana,

I have come to the conclusion that there is much good in AA and I will most likely continue to work the steps. I do have to agree that certain aspects of the program don't agree with me. I am in the camp of "take what you need and leave the rest" at this point. The social aspect of AA is the most important to me. Just being with others in the same boat does me a world of good. The God aspect is not a problem for me. My take on this is what do I have to lose if there is no God? I have only benefited by acting as if and have lost nothing if there actually is no God.

I have been disappointed with some aspects of AA, but try not to dwell on them. My sponsor pushed me to do some non-program things and when in one instace I had to cancel on going to a movie due to work, he swore at me and hung up the phone. He also wanted me to upgrade his notebook computer for free and I drove him twice to the airport at his request. I am on the fence about finding another sponsor as a result, but realize that to be accepted in AA this is a necessity.

I have often thought that working the program and getting a sponsor and doing the "right" things is the price I have to pay for my place in AA. Perhaps this "place" is worth it.

One thing I do like about AA is the stress is places on helping others. I have helped, but look forward to doing much more in this area. I think this part of the program does some of the most good. It teaches us to fight our own selfishness and also benefits others. Selfishness is one of the hallmarks of the disease in my opinion.

Jup.

Millwallj

Selfishness is one of the hallmarks of the disease in my opinion

and, luckily, it is just your opinion.

Cathy31

I totally agree regarding selfishness, Jupiter - Millwall, glad we agree on something lol!


Cathy31
x

CarolD

I remember your sharing on your past spomsor and we all told you he was wrong
. Please let this situation go for your own peace of mind.

BTW...I have never had a formal sponsor in AA.
I say God is my sponsor....if asked.

I did step work with several different members.
I I began AA recovery in '84
and they still allow me in meetings!!!

I am not discounting your personal thoughts...just wanted to mention that spomsorship is not mandatory.

Blessings...

NoMoBeer

Hey Dana:
Welcome, and sorry you have had bad experiences with AA. I can only tell you of my experience, and would ask you not to judge the program until you have given it a thorough try (or at least been to a wide variety of meetings).

I wanted to address some of your comments from my point of view (only). First, the trading one addiction for another. Not true for me, but I can see where you might get that from, because I indeed have seen folks who are almost compulsive about AA, but that's their thing, IMHO. Who am I to judge if they are trading one addiction for another? SO, I choose to 'live and let live.'

I have to say the comment of "blaming it on someone else" is pretty harsh. I have not heard of any folks in my meetings doing this. In fact, through working the steps (and again, I don't know how deep into the program you actually went), I took a hard look at ME, and how I AFFECT things in my life -- in other words -- what's my part in things? From my resentments, fears, etc., where was I at the root cause? MOST OF THEM!!! I then set out to make things right in my life.

I heartily agree with you that we made these choices. The problem is that once I got so deep into my disease, I lost the choice to drink normally(physical)... or to decide if I want to drink or not (mental and spiritual). AA helps me with my living and my thinking (which are my real problems here, alcohol was just a symptom).

"You are the one in control of your life". Not sure where you were going with this, but I can tell you when I think that I am in control, trouble is just around the corner. In Step 3 I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. The less control I have of people, places and things in my life, the better for everyone! I can control my thoughts, feelings and actions though, Dana -- and through that I can do my very best to practice the principles of AA in all my affairs.... I'll jump off my soapbox now...

I am by no means looking to disagree with you Dana -- I personally don't give a hoot what recovery program folks use, as long as they use one and TAKE ACTION!! We can't recover by osmosis, but I feel we need more help than just will power. My experience has shown me that alcohol beats will power every damned time... I did, however, want to address some of those statements, and let you know that us AA folks are not molded into the depiction some folks have formed...

Hope you find your way in recovery, no matter which method you use -- I think CarolD has given you some links. So go get 'em, and get to work!!!! You're worth it!

Ken

ASH

Hi Dana,

Glad your here and you started this thread! Lots of good advice and information from many that may work for you, (and me too).

Find what will work for you and leave the rest.

Coming to SR is great start, keep coming back the people here are great and you will continue to get lots of support!

earlybird

Uh,....thats not what AA says at all. You TURN IT OVER to your higher power. You dont BLAME it on your higher power.

hopealwayz

Smart Recovery has some really good useful tools for staying sober.

Jupiter2

CarolD,

I do seem to be sounding like a stuck record on the sponsor thing. Must let go. Thank you for helping me on that.

I think its great you are doing well with no formal sponsor in AA. Makes me feel good to know this is an option for me as well.

Sorry if I offended anyone (feeling a bit more mellow tonight than I was this morning: the after work, done with the day, not going to get on my soapbox, gotta realize I''m in early recovery, alcohol-and-drug-free kind of mellow).

I'll probably even turn to page 59 of the Big Book tonight (works in both 3rd and 4th editions- got 'em both).

Jup.