Pick-a-name

..............A/H is divorcing me. Why? Because I "insulted him by saying he had an alcohol problem" and "because I didn't give him credit for cleaning up his life and his alcohol abuse" when he moved out (moved because I offended him mentioning anything about the drinking and that " made him "drink)................. He evidently (never admitted a problem or said why he was moving out) has been so mad at that; he never moved home. Filed divorce after a family intervention because "everyone was insulting him".........did I miss something here? haha No; I am sure there is no problem.

Sad part is; he is completely serious about all of this. I swear he actually beleives it. Told kids he never stoped drinking and never will because he drinks the same amount as "normal people"..........I hate this disease. My husband (for a few more days) has a brain that has gone loopy.

I am having a bad night. On top of all that, he asked why I had to mention the subject of alcohol to him? Excuse me?

Savana 54

(((((pick))))))

Your story sounds a lot like mine, except for the fact we were never married. He told me I was the reason he drank. I kicked him out, and he was fine after that. Moved back home with "momma." I really think they convince themselves that they don't have a problem at all, and whats really going on in their minds, is that at least they're free to drink themselves to oblivion, without us around making them feel guilty.

I know that my xabf would feel guilty even if I didn't say anything to him about his drinking. Maybe it's easier for them to have us "out of sight, out of mind," that way they don't have to be reminded of all the hurt they are causing us.

I feel your pain; your not alone sweetie..

Hugs,
Savana

cwohio

pick - mine always used to tell me i was laying the blame all on him. no - i admitted that i had problems too and was trying to work on them thru counseling, al-anon, etc.the disease talks a good talk doesn't it - almost makes you believe it sometimes. hang in there!

CarolD

Why? Because he is a drunk jerk who lies.

Hugs...

Pick-a-name

Thanks........you all help; I appreciate that alot! It is such a waste, isn't it.

Yes; I spoil his drinking............. My daughter said to him; you mean, what you are saying is that you are divorcing mom for telling you the truth and just trying to help you.........he thought and said, I guess, that is so. Pathetic, really , what this disease does to people/families.

Cazza

I think this is so true. Not only do they not want to be reminded of the hurt they cause us, but they don't want to be reminded of the hurt they cause themselves, or of their potential, or of what wastes they are now. It is much easier to drink freely without the people who care for, hope for, and know the real them around all the time. It is much easier to twist words or pick fights and lay blame so that they can have an excuse to get us out of their way. They get to a point when all that matters is the drinking. Anyone that threatens that is to be avoided or cut out of their lives completely.

It is so sad... for them and the people that love them.

Pick-a-name

Yes: A/H said today; I just can't be around you because you are always making me feel so small and worthless...........that blew me away. Here he is the one who walked out, blames, is divorcing me...even had a "secret girlfriend" (THAT was a shock) he denied,etc...and me still loving him is what I think he finds disturbing. Sometimes I think he doesn't want to hurt the kids and me anymore and wants us gone......I really do believe that. Like we are not "good enough for him"; so he is rejecting us (and I don't think it is so it is before I dump him). He said he wished I did find someone new.........weird. But maybe it is about him...who knows/but why does it matter?
We've been together 30 years; that and after this, I won't be "looking" for quite sometime, if ever.

Savana 54

That sounds so familiar. I was never very good at detaching from him. I noticed when I was first with him, in the begining, he begged me not to leave him; many times. Almost three years later he couldn't give a dam about leaving me, and said I was the one that kicked him out. I think he purposely set it up so it would look as though I was the bad one, throwing him out. It's as though we never shared a past together.

I know it must be so difficult for you Pick. Counseling has helped me somewhat. Have you checked into Al-Anon? I can't remember if you said you have?

(((((pick)))))

Cazza

I think maybe he feels you are too good for him. My ex-A told me that flat out once. Of course I told him I didn't think I was too good for him, but they don't like themselves very much, ya know? And they will convince themselves of anything if it makes it easier on their consciences to drink themselves into oblivion.

Pick-a-name

Thank you all..........you sure help!

FriendofBill

An alcoholic blaming others? ya, sounds bout right. Dont take it personally....and yes, he is in a great state of insanity, of which you can do nothing about.

Hold on, friend, this too shall pass.

Pick-a-name

Thanks all...FoB, for some reason you got a chuckle out of me...it felt good!

Yeah......."the dog ate my homework" might have been coined by a budding A! haha