Sweepdaddy

My fiancee has enrolled in a 28 day program and will be entering it on Monday. I want to keep her encouraged as she is becoming more and more depressed and scared as the day nears. We were to close on our first home on September 15th, but she will be gone during that time and I, too, am very stressed and scared about how I am going to be. Can anyone share any success stories with drug rehabs (she has a prescription pill addiction, xanax, loricets, percocets, etc)? Maybe some encouraging bible verses, quotes, etc? We could both use them! God Bless.

katykat28

when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!

Best wishes for recovery, I don't have any re-hab stories but I think going is a great step towards a healthy life. I wish you the best on your new home, and life together. this is a great site for support so stick with us, If you need anything we are always here to listen.

Sweepdaddy

Thank you so much for the reply. It is hard for me. There have been so many times that I have believed her when she said she would stop. Over the past three years, I have gone from a secure young man to a codependent, insecure and mistrusting man. I pray that I also can change during this time. I plan on getting out and doing positive things for myself. I have neglected my own needs for some time now, or at least used her problems as an excuse for not taking care of myself. I want to use this time since I know I will not take these steps if she is here. I have located a Na-Anon meeting locally and will be attending the next session. As hard as it is that she is going away, a month in rehab will hopefully change her life, my life and the life we share. It is a small price to pay for the healing it may bring. It's in Gods hands now, I pray that he gives her the strength to see the beauty in life again.


I have this fear that if she turns to these pills under what little stress she has now, what about when we have children, a mortgage, etc? I also fear that she will go back to her old friends that also have these problems, but no one to encourage them. I wish that she could be a light in their lives, but I know that they only will be a stumbling block for her. The one that she says actualy cares is te one who gave her pills AFTER she told him she was going into rehab! It makes me sick! I tell her, "What kind of friend would tempt you when they know you have a problem and are tryingto get better?" I ultimately know what kind of friend would do that; an addict. I hope that she realizes after she gets out that what she shared in common with them was not so much of a freindship, but more of a shared compulsion. Anyone have good tips on encouraging her to stay away from these bad influences?

nocellphone

Welcome, sweepdaddy...

I've personally known hundreds of alcoholics and addicts who went through rehab and have stayed sober a day at a time for years. Treatment is not a cure, as alcoholism and addiction are incurable diseases, but it can be a good starting point for learning to live a recovering life.

Of those "success stories", I'm sure most (if not all) would tell you that treatment might have been where their recovery began, but 12-Step fellowships such as AA and NA are where it continues.

Hopefully, the rehab she's going to has a family component you can attend so you get some education and insight into the disease process and the recovery process. Might I suggest, if you haven't already, that you give Al-Anon a try? There are meeting practically every day of the week in Boca Raton.

Keep us posted! I look forward to hearing your success story!

Sweepdaddy

I also pray that I can let go of the past and run with her when she does get clean. Although she doesn't take pills every day and has gone, from what I can tell, weeks without them, she will binge like crazy and it scares me to death. I think she scared herself last time and may finally have realized the depth of her problem. What makes it very scary for me is that her uncle suffered from alcoholism and unfortunately shot himself just two years ago, which is about the time she started using again.

nocellphone

My feeling is that she'll hear about that in treatment and that it may have more weight coming from a professional counselor or a recovering peer than a close relative.

As you've suggested, this is a time for you to put the focus on yourself and find your way back to the healthy life you were living before this disease interrupted it.

Sweepdaddy

Nocellphone,

Thank you for the encouraging words and the link. I believe that she feels she will be cured after she leaves, but hopefully they will strongly encourage her to continue treatment through NA. As for the program, they have a weekly family session. I was so happy to hear that as I think that I would go crazy if I couldn't see her. She can make phone calls from a community phone so we can keep in touch. I pray that I can find the strength to keep her encouraged. Her mother and I are very close and are both working together to help her, but we also recognize that she has to want to change. I guess that it should speak volumes that she is admitting herself. When she is sober, our life is so amazing. When she uses, she's like a vacuum that sucks the life out of me and her immediate family. I know that I need to also make changes to take care of my own needs. In some ways, that scares me more than her continuing to use, but I have a great family that knows about this and supports us. It kind of stinks because she wants me to keep this hush hush to our friends, and I feel like I need their support through this.

Sweepdaddy

Truth is, I wasn't so healthy myself prior to us getting together. I know that everyone has issues, and mine were there before this began, but it seems that since her hidden problem came to light about a year and a half ago, I have steadily become more codependent, more controlling and more insecure. I realize this and have begun taking steps to help myself. I have read some really good books like "Love Is A Choice" which I would definately recomend.

nocellphone

Well, the upside is that this crisis has prompted you to take a look at some of those issues. This is a good thing, as these sorts of characteristics tend not to go away on their own. If you can look at 'em, you can take steps to heal 'em.

As for reading material, lots of folks around here recommend Melody Beattie's stuff, "Codependent No More" and the like. Personally, I find Al-Anon material the most comforting, informative and insightful. But that's just me!

There's a lot to be gained from books, but for me there's a larger benefit to spending time around people who've found, and are willing to share, solutions where it comes to learning to live with this disease. I need the human contact, hence my attendance at 12-Step meetings...

Bambi

[B]My AH went into a 28 day court ordered rehab. It was very scary and hard for both of us because he wasn't allowed to have any vistors, and phone calls were limited to a certain time of day and only 3 minutes a day. We had never really been apart before. :hasta

So many things were going thru my mind about it, and him also. He was very lucky that he admitted he had a problem before he went in, and he decided to try to make the best of it, and take the help that was being offered.

The rehab places treat everyone as if they are a big family. You get out of it, what you put into it. Many people are helped if they want to be, but there are those who just go to go and they don't get a thing out of it and come out with everything the same. Like they say, if you keep doing things the same, your going to get the same results.

When they are there, they educate them on how to live free of the addiction. This means not hanging out in situations, or with people who are bad influences and make it hard for you to remain on tract. The teach them the warnings signs of falling back into the addiction. The teach them why they have an addictive personality and what to do to better them selves.

When she gets out she may want to talk alot about what she learned and what she did. Let her ramble and just be there to listen. Or she may wish to keep it inside, don't push her. Let her lead, on how she wants to share. Just be supportive of her experience. :great

My AH is sober now since June 11th. Day by day!B]

Sweepdaddy

Bambi,

That is very encouraging! I'll keep you and your man in my prayers! Today it is gorgeous out and we are going to the beach with family. She is 100% herself today and is feeling great about it! I will keep you all posted on her/my progress. Thank you for the thoughts andsupport everyone, this website is a godsend!

Sweepdaddy

Well, the roller coaster certainly has its ups and downs. She is packing up and it is starting to really hit her. She says she wants to quit, but kinda doesn't. It seems only natural that she would go through these feelings. I am having a really hard time with this. I go to comfort her, and one second she is close to me, another she is distant and wants to be alone. It really hurts. I know that if she is this depressed now, she is going to really have a hard time once she enters the program. Please continue to pray for her, and for me too. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. Sometimes I just want to grab her, jump on a plane and take off. The feeling dies down once I realize that if she doesn't take this step, that she will progressively get worse.

It bothers me that she has to do this. I mean, she can go weeks without the drugs and then totally relapse. She doesn't seem to really struggle without it. She says that even she can't figure out why she goes back to it, almost like she is trying to prove that she can just take one or something. She inevitably goez from one pill to two, then 5 then 10 and so on until either myself or her mother realizes it. Then it is too late. The cycle starts again. God help her, her family and me!

splendra

I have a good bible verse that helped me get throught the tough times.....

"The joy of the Lord is my strength"

Sweepdaddy

Thanks splendra. These are exactly what I need right now!

Zoey

We are scared to death of giving up our drug of choice, but the treatment programs teach them how to do something other than use drugs or drink.
It is a course on taking life on life's terms. Then if she attends meeting, she will have lots of support there.
You can go with her to open meetings, and she can go with you to Al-Anon once in a while. Wouldn't overdo that, but now and then is fine.
Hopeing for the very best for both of you. clancy46