Little Missy

There just never seems to be enough hours in a day. I know most people feel this way. It is very difficult to juggle work, kids, and recovery. I am the only woman in my area who attends AA meetings regularly.

I talked to my husband about this. I kind of feel like I'm winging it. Like since no other women with kids and work come regularly I don't have anyone to ask.

Question: How do I know when I am being selfish with my time, or just needing time to myself?

In the morning, I read from the daily refections and pray. Get the kids fed and dressed for school, sometimes. (My husband is very helpful and does a lot with the kids and around the house.) Work 10 hour days most of the time. Come home, read, smoke cigs, and drink cappachino while supper cooks. Hopefully before the kids get home so I can relax a little. My in-laws watch the kids 2 nights a week so we can attend meetings. The rest of my time is spent with the kids or cleaning. Just trying to get and keep things in order (the house and finances).

Trying to get the kids to go to bed earlier so hubby and I can have some time to ourselves. Half the time, I go to bed before my son. It's exhausting.

I just feel overwhelmed at times, as most people do. Any suggestions on how people juggle life with kids and work would be helpful. I just feel lost sometimes, but know that I am doing all I can, plus keeping a little bit of sanity.

I tell myself that if another woman with kids comes into recovery, at least I'll be able to help her. Let her know it can be done, one second at a time!!
So, while I'm trying to type this, my son has a screwdriver and my daughter is taking old candy out of the trash!! Please forgive me if this doesn't make any sense.

Missy

lulu70

((((((((((((((Missy)))))))))))))) LMAO!!! I am so right there with you, hon'. I only have one child and a job, but I don't have a husband at home, so you do the math. I know exactly what you mean, and I have posted about it before. Sometimes I feel like I am the worst Mom in the world. Last time I posted about my struggles, many wonderful people reminded me that without my program, there would be no "quality" to the time I spend with my daughter, although there might be more "quantity." If it is any consolation, I think parents who work and aren't in recovery feel the same way, only they don't have an outlet to talk about their struggles and get feedback.

I don't have any great words of advice. Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!!!

Hugs--

Little Missy

Thanks Laura!! It's always nice to know that others are going through the same thing. I look around the AA tables at all the men, whos children are now grown, and it just doesn't help. When I vent, they do tell me, "keep coming back"! Then they smile and laugh.

You are so right about the quality vs. quantity. That does help!! I'm surprised my son even talks right, since mommy always slurred her speech!! LOL

Thanks again!
Big Hugs,
Missy

LucyUK

Hi there!

I don't work outside the home but I have a 1 & a 2 y/old (and a husband) so I'm pretty busy most days

I spent a lot of time initally struggling with the time away from my family for meetings, talking to my sponsor, step work etc. and as a result, I started to put my family before sobriety. It didn't work out, for me. I got resentful of them, of being sober, you name it.... so I upped my meetings, AA contact etc and talked to my sponsor about feeling like I'm using AA as an excuse to get a break. Her advice was, if you actually are doing AA stuff when you're taking that break, then at least you're doing the right thing for you, and it won't be forever, just until you get enough peace of mind to know yourself honestly enough to understand your motives and gain perspective.

Also, I have (willingly) had to review my priorities. If I only get 1/2 an hour a day to myself, what do I want to do with it? For me, I read AA literature (big book, 12x12, meditations or prayer books) and think about *stuff*. But, I rarely watch tv, maybe 2 programmes a week. I try to think about it as, when my life is coming to an end, what will I wish I had done more of? Watched more crap tv? read more trashy novels? got more peace from reading AA literature? Talked to hubby one-on-one? So, I do the things that matter most that day.

Hope you find a solution

Music

Missy,
If you don't take care of yourself, your family, friends, job and everything else will eventually not matter any way. Be selfish and stay sober. Most of us were selfish while we were drinking and didn't think a thing about it. For the first year or so, my wife and I went to meetings almost every night, 'cause that's how often we drank. Change is necessary and the only thing that will save your life, and be of any benefit to your family. Do what you have to do to stay sober.

Wilky

Many are in your position. The solution for me, and my wife: she worked part time until the kids were in there teens. She would work while they were in school, and then be off in time to pick them up at school and be with them the remainder of the day. She was so much more relaxed with that schedule. AND we put the kids down at 9 pm....no matter what. That gave us a couple of hours before bed to just be with each other.

God first, family second, others third, and self last. However, one must find a balance that works for them and their needs.

Wilky

doorknob

How can putting your own needs dead last be healthy?

Doorknob

lulu70

I would LOVE to be able to work part-time, but that is out of the question, unless I want to become a welfare Mom. Also, it sounds like your wife wasn't trying to go to AA meetings. It sounds like you had a wonderful way of life together. I definitely agree with the 9pm bedtime!!! LOL Of course, I have to go to bed then, too!

BTW--I put myself first by making my HP, AA and my program of recovery a priority in my life. Family is definitely second. Everything else will fall into place how it will....

Hugs--