Erratic

I think its about time i dealt with my alcohol probs.Im just wondering if its allright to do it here and not in the other part. As you know i suffer from BPD and other stuff. This is the only place i actually feel safe in posting really.

I have been self harming again and last night i did it while drinking, this is a slippery slope which i do not need my drinking making me do this. Not sure if anyone else understand about detatching themselves while doing this, i still dont know why i ended up doing it. I know i had bad day and normaly closure for bad day is drinking or i self harm, doing it together is not good.

So im just wondering if anyone had any ideas how to acheive dealing with stopping drinking and still contain myself safely.

Will i get the support needed here on this part of forum or do you think i need to go to the other one?

feedback would be appreciated!


I want to give up drinking and today is no better day than any other day to do this.

my anxiety is rising just writing this.

best

I don't keep a record of names or have a head count of numbers of people who are BPD and drink, but I do know that there are others here who deal with the same things you are dealing with. If you look about on the other boards, I am sure you will find much info and help for the drinking. May even find another there who has info for dealing with other issues as well.
Going where the help is at sure is faster then waiting for them to come to you. Are you on meds for the BPD? If so do you share with your Dr that you drink? Alcohol can reduce the good effects that meds can bring.
Another reason to maybe stop.

Erratic

thanks best, yeah im on meds..i should of put my meds up this week but i havent becuase ive been drinking. My therapist knows that i was drinking but we havent talked about if i am still doing it.. i havent been able to say. my psyciatrist thinks im in control of my drink thats why he gave me the meds.. i feel crap that i havent been able to stop..

I will repost this here in the alcohol part i just have a prob with feeling safe tis all..

thanks for your post!

MagdaM

"I have been self harming again and last night i did it while drinking, this is a slippery slope which i do not need my drinking making me do this. Not sure if anyone else understand about detatching themselves while doing this, i still dont know why i ended up doing it. I know i had bad day and normaly closure for bad day is drinking or i self harm, doing it together is not good."

Wow yeah I totally undersdtand. I'm newish here hope you don't miund me jumping in. Just a familiar story.

I hope things go okay for you. It's a big deal to decide to give up drinking. Talk about it as much as you can--I think that helps. If you ever wanna talk all my infos in my profile.

dmajor7th

Erratic, I really sympathize. I used to drink and it makes us borderlines a lot worse. If you stop drinking, you'll have a chance at gaining some control over your life. I know it's very difficult. But it's doable. It really is. Have you considered checking into a detox? Getting therapy or going to whatever type of group suits you? You have to replace the drinking with something else. Are you at the point where you will be in physical withdrawal? If that's the case, then detox. If not, then it's putting other things in your life to replace the drinking-positive things. Things that you enjoy doing. And getting support. Best of luck and keep posting.
Sincerely, Cate.

Erratic

thanks magdam and i dont mind at all you jumping in.. more the merrier..

i cant go on detox plan while im on my medication for my BPD.. the meds is supposed to help with this, but it hasnt so far. i guess its all about my attitude and i really want to stop. i was able to cut it down to 1 or 2 times a week so i shouldnt really get withdrawls, only prob is my thinking of needing it to stablise me which my meds does and stop thinking i need the drink to stay up or have alife .. hard to explain.. why i drink..
i have started to post about this is because i think i will try and use this place to stop drinking, i just hope that my meds is able to make me stop feeling i need a drink.. i know its all in my head..
do you have any ideas in what to replace it with? i have hard time doing positive things. when i do somthing positive things it brings on a bout negative things, if you understand?.. i went and started doing a couple of exams which i passed 2 but i needed a ddrink to go to do them and after i did them i wasnt nice to myself about doing it.. dam this is hard to explain.. sry

dmajor7th

There must have been things in your life that you took an interest in-anything-music, sports, art, science, anything you can think of.
You must have had some kind of dreams and probably still do. I know it's extremely difficult when dealing with mental health issues as well as drinking. I know that for me I find it frightening to go out and do things. Do you have a friend that doesn't drink-or at least won't around you and that you could do things with? Start with something easy that you can handle, just an outing with a friend-doing anything that doesn't involve drinking. A movie, a sports game(unless that's a drinking trigger), playing sports, an art class, go to the theatre-anything that involves getting out in the world and keeping busy. There's a whole world out there. With activities that you may have never done, but could try. If you don't really have any interests, think about what you might be interested in and try it. This could be anything-just think about it and then pick something and go out and try to do it. And keep doing this. I found that I couldn't really stop anything until I really made up my mind to do it. It's not enough to want to-nobody wants to be a slave to a substance-nobody wants pain either-but there comes a time when-at least for me-I got sick of not having the life I want. The life I deserve. And I was bloody determined. I wanted to quit things for years and didn't. Until the need for a better life overwhelmed the craving for a substance that just was making things worse. Until I realized that what I was doing wasn't going to get me anywhere and if I wanted a hope for the suffering to stop, or at least lessen-then I had to do it. This is hard to convey in text. Positive things that take your mind off the negative stuff are what you need. If certain activities trigger bad memories, or negative activities-avoid those ones. Take care and keep posting. Wishing you strength!
Sincerely Cate.

Erratic

thanks dmajor

the thing is i dont have any friends, dont do anything any more.. hmm

soon though im either going to try and work or go to college thats why i need to sort myself out for that.. but its hard struggle.. so hoping that i will be able to stop..

dmajor7th

I'm in the same situation Erratic-as far as the no friends and not doing anything anymore. But I do have things I'm interested in. I attempt to write, but it's difficult-not being able to focus. And when I can, I go out for walks and sometimes take pictures. And I'm working-just like you- on getting well so I can do better. So even if you could manage to try to get out for a walk somewhere nice by yourself, or a movie or something. Have you tried AA or anything like that? Good luck!!
Sincerely Cate

Erratic

no i havent tried AA, have been told to try before.

god i was bad last night.. i had to finnish of the drink i had in cupboard and ended up buying more but i finnished it off so there is nothing left.
i dont know why i have to drink, i know yesterday was a trigger for me as i had my therapist and we talked. i will be trying again to stop.. i havent any drink left in house so im really wanting to do this.. my husband wants me to do this.. he doesnt understand how diffficult is for me to let go.... how do i just let it go?

your right dmajor i need to get out and walk but its the afternoons and evening and nights that is the problem for me..anyway i will try harder!

Erratic

i had another drink last night. when buying i thought ok i will start properly through the week like from monday.. i upped my medication which yes i did actually feel more tired which im suppose to be feeling. i just need to get it in my head that m y meds work and i dont need the alcohol..

i was watching a film that was triggering me which 2 drinks last night would of done and would of slept but no the film made me drink more and more. another excuse.