depression hitting me hard
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depression hitting me hard
hi i am a young 21 year old who is dealing with depression i have just started taking paxil to try and help and it doesnt help that my boyfrind of ten months has a 6 months old with a another girl. i think this has something to do with it i hate the child i dont ever want to see it and i hate him for it i just cant get over it i think its the depression thats why i finally got help i have wicked thought s of burning her house down or killing both of them i think of murder and suicide on a daily basis and think of killing myself just to get out of this situation i know this is not healthy but i dont know what to do i love him yet i have this evil mental block i see so many other happy integrated families it wouldnt be so bad if she wasnt such a lying fat ugly B*tch and wonder why cant i . i have tried even the mention of his kids name makes me cry commercials make me cry i have dealt with this illness for years even attempting suicide three times i dont want to do it again and succeed this time can someone please offer me advice.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
((((lilcrazymex)))),
WELCOME to SR!! How long have you been on the Paxil? And who is prescribing it? Sounds like you could really use some therapy and/or a support group in addition to the medication. Let me see if I can help you find something, OK?
Love and hugs,
Eddie
WELCOME to SR!! How long have you been on the Paxil? And who is prescribing it? Sounds like you could really use some therapy and/or a support group in addition to the medication. Let me see if I can help you find something, OK?
Love and hugs,
Eddie
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Flint Emotions Anonymous meeting
Flint NAMI office
DBSA Chapter
Hope you find these links useful!!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
Flint NAMI office
DBSA Chapter
Hope you find these links useful!!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 92
Sounds like you could get out of a relationship that is clearly making you unhappy.
10 months and you're this miserable? Why not exercise your constitutional right and pursue happiness? I was in a situation like this and I got out-I started a new job and was a lot happier-it took a few months-I felt that I really loved the guy-but if you are not happy, you're not happy. Why not change that before thinking that the problem is you? Good luck.
Cate.
10 months and you're this miserable? Why not exercise your constitutional right and pursue happiness? I was in a situation like this and I got out-I started a new job and was a lot happier-it took a few months-I felt that I really loved the guy-but if you are not happy, you're not happy. Why not change that before thinking that the problem is you? Good luck.
Cate.
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Hi sweetie, just wanted to offer my 2 cents.
I'm 29 and battling my 2nd major depression. My first one hit me around age 21 and resulted in me having to drop out of college and not working for awhile until I got better. I hated meds and wouldn't stay on anything for more than a month.
Stressful events or situations often light the fire under a depressive episode. I lost the love of my life shortly before my first depression and I ended a relationship with the second love of my life shortly before this second episode. The lost of this second man was much more difficult on me in that I was so strongly connected to him. I was head over heels in love with the man I "thought" he was. Once I realized that he wasn't really 'that man' - the true love I had been searching for, then I started to see him for who he "really" was and that wasn't pretty. By the time I finally cut things off with him, I was in the worst shape of my life. I came within a split second decision of ending my life.
It is my opinion that the longer you hold on to this miserable relationship, the worse your depression will get and the harder it will be to eleviate - with or without the help of meds.
You are worth more than you are letting yourself be treated. I was lucky in that I found Al-anon in the middle of my crazy relationship with him. He was an alcoholic and my father was too, and this program taught me how to detach and let go of people and situations that were/are harmful to my life, future and well-being. I had NEVER ended a relationship with any man who I loved before and this program gave me the strength, self-esteem and sanity to get a clear picture of the relationship and to pull away from it. Now I can see that my life would have continued to deterirate if I would have stayed messed up with him. Cut your losses and find someone who you can be happy with. Learn how to love yourself and to DEMAND respect from everyone in your life, expecially your significant other.
Individual AND group therapy would be VERY beneficial to you during this time, for both the difficulties with your relationship and with your depression. If there are NAMI meetings in your area, I would very highly suggest you give it a try and really stick with it. It's amazing at how much help these programs can offer to help people like us to live truely happy lives.
If you have any questions or if I can possibly help in anyway, feel free to private message me or contact me for my e-mail address.
Hugs,
Jenna
I'm 29 and battling my 2nd major depression. My first one hit me around age 21 and resulted in me having to drop out of college and not working for awhile until I got better. I hated meds and wouldn't stay on anything for more than a month.
Stressful events or situations often light the fire under a depressive episode. I lost the love of my life shortly before my first depression and I ended a relationship with the second love of my life shortly before this second episode. The lost of this second man was much more difficult on me in that I was so strongly connected to him. I was head over heels in love with the man I "thought" he was. Once I realized that he wasn't really 'that man' - the true love I had been searching for, then I started to see him for who he "really" was and that wasn't pretty. By the time I finally cut things off with him, I was in the worst shape of my life. I came within a split second decision of ending my life.
It is my opinion that the longer you hold on to this miserable relationship, the worse your depression will get and the harder it will be to eleviate - with or without the help of meds.
You are worth more than you are letting yourself be treated. I was lucky in that I found Al-anon in the middle of my crazy relationship with him. He was an alcoholic and my father was too, and this program taught me how to detach and let go of people and situations that were/are harmful to my life, future and well-being. I had NEVER ended a relationship with any man who I loved before and this program gave me the strength, self-esteem and sanity to get a clear picture of the relationship and to pull away from it. Now I can see that my life would have continued to deterirate if I would have stayed messed up with him. Cut your losses and find someone who you can be happy with. Learn how to love yourself and to DEMAND respect from everyone in your life, expecially your significant other.
Individual AND group therapy would be VERY beneficial to you during this time, for both the difficulties with your relationship and with your depression. If there are NAMI meetings in your area, I would very highly suggest you give it a try and really stick with it. It's amazing at how much help these programs can offer to help people like us to live truely happy lives.
If you have any questions or if I can possibly help in anyway, feel free to private message me or contact me for my e-mail address.
Hugs,
Jenna
Last edited by bikewench; 02-04-2006 at 03:44 PM.
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thanx for the advice
thanx to eddie for showing me those sights i am really considering doing to one of those meetings and and to the other people i dont know how to end this relationship we have an apartment we just got togther about two months ago we have phones together i am not finanically sound i just had surgery a month ago and have 2000 in debt i just dont see any way out of it. i hate sounding like a weak pathetic woman i have always considered myself strong but i think that this has weakened me and i dont know how to get that strenght back.
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cant make up my mind
well i am seriously thinking of breaking up with him the only thing is is that the situation is the only thing i am unhappy with he makes me happy there is almost nothing wrong with him but "it". how can i break my own heart i dont think i can i am so trying to fight this depression and this at the same time this sucks my doctor told me to come back if i had suicidal or homicidal thoughts or tendancies but i am too embarassed to admit it. i really dont know if i have the balls to kill another but too many things are pushing me right now. just needed to vent and i feel this is the only safe place to write any of this thanx to everyone who listens and writes me back its greatly apprecaited to know i am not the only one that has been in this situation before.. ttfn
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"well i am seriously thinking of breaking up with him the only thing is is that the situation is the only thing i am unhappy with he makes me happy there is almost nothing wrong with him but "it". "
That is more than enough of a reason. If you are feeling suicidal or homicidal-then for heaven's sakes change your situation. And keep in touch with your doctor and deal with whatever other conditions you have. Pardon me for saying this, but you say that the only thing wrong with him is his kid. It's not the kid's fault. What kind of guy gets someone pregnant and then goes out with someone else that fast? I don't know you or your exact situation, but based on my experience, I figure you'll get your heart broken in the end anyway. And you'll have wasted time that could be spent in a much happier way. But what do I know-I'm certainly no success story. My God I would give anything to be 21 again. To be sitting here at 39 lonely and shell shocked-when I think of all the years I wasted with men in situations that did not meet my needs and battered my self esteem and made me crazier, it just makes me despair. But I also know that at that age, I wouldn't listen to what anyone else said, so you'll have to figure it out and learn.
I hope you learn faster than I did. Good luck.
Sincerely, Cate.
That is more than enough of a reason. If you are feeling suicidal or homicidal-then for heaven's sakes change your situation. And keep in touch with your doctor and deal with whatever other conditions you have. Pardon me for saying this, but you say that the only thing wrong with him is his kid. It's not the kid's fault. What kind of guy gets someone pregnant and then goes out with someone else that fast? I don't know you or your exact situation, but based on my experience, I figure you'll get your heart broken in the end anyway. And you'll have wasted time that could be spent in a much happier way. But what do I know-I'm certainly no success story. My God I would give anything to be 21 again. To be sitting here at 39 lonely and shell shocked-when I think of all the years I wasted with men in situations that did not meet my needs and battered my self esteem and made me crazier, it just makes me despair. But I also know that at that age, I wouldn't listen to what anyone else said, so you'll have to figure it out and learn.
I hope you learn faster than I did. Good luck.
Sincerely, Cate.
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Originally Posted by lilcrazymex
my doctor told me to come back if i had suicidal or homicidal thoughts or tendancies but i am too embarassed to admit it.
((((lilcrazymex))))
Love and hugs,
Eddie
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eddie is on the money with her comments. The doctor is looking out for your best interest. Many people find it helpful to journal about their feelings. Sometimes after you get your thoughts out, you can make some sense of it and then talk to someone about how you are feeling, etc.
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As usual Eddie and Pedagogue fire straight like an arrow to the heart of the matter. While I-in this case at least- rant my way around it. I'm still learning. Of course you should seek professional help and it's vital that you have emotional support. The point I was attempting to make, but failed utterly, I think, was this:
That you may take antidepressants or antipsychotics and therapy, but if you are in a situation that causes you this much distress, I don't know if you will get the effects that you need. I apologize if I came off too harsh. I truly hope things get better for you soon.
Sincerely, Cate.
That you may take antidepressants or antipsychotics and therapy, but if you are in a situation that causes you this much distress, I don't know if you will get the effects that you need. I apologize if I came off too harsh. I truly hope things get better for you soon.
Sincerely, Cate.
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thankx
thanks again for all the words of advice i i do think it is because of this i am not getting any better since i have been writing in here i have gotten a little stronger in mind i think i finally have the guts to call it quits and start a new life somehow... i am now been upgraded to 20mg of paxil 10 wasnt doing nothing but making me tired and i have been fighting alot with people and my boyfreind..
do you really think that that is enough to break up with him this man asked me to marry him and says i am the one but i dont feel the same way i feel like i have wasted the last 11 months... and to answer your question of how he could get over someone so quick is he didnt love her and she is a total **** .. not just words of hate it is from experience she even lied to him about taking birth control she told me that herself... and she cheated on him .... but i hate to be the one to break his heart do you think i should try and make him break up with me or should i just get some balls ...i know this will help me greatly deal with these thoughts i still have extreme suicidal thoughts everyday and i dont want them... i want to live well anyways i am ranting thanx for listening
do you really think that that is enough to break up with him this man asked me to marry him and says i am the one but i dont feel the same way i feel like i have wasted the last 11 months... and to answer your question of how he could get over someone so quick is he didnt love her and she is a total **** .. not just words of hate it is from experience she even lied to him about taking birth control she told me that herself... and she cheated on him .... but i hate to be the one to break his heart do you think i should try and make him break up with me or should i just get some balls ...i know this will help me greatly deal with these thoughts i still have extreme suicidal thoughts everyday and i dont want them... i want to live well anyways i am ranting thanx for listening
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Originally Posted by lilcrazymex
i dont feel the same way i feel like i have wasted the last 11 months...
And you're welcome, lcm!! The increased Paxil should help. You just need to hang in there until it does, OK? I'll keep you in my prayers. Let us know how you are doing, too.
Love and hugs,
Eddie
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