PsychoMess

new here! im trying, i really am. I am smart enough to see what drugs are doing to me and i know i should stop and i want to, but i really don't want to. I can't physically stop. But, i thought id come on this site and try my luck. i have 2 days clean today, but i already have plans to go out tonight as soon as my connection pulls through.
i guess im just looking for support, cause i want recovery, im just having a tough time quitting the drugs.
if anyone has any advice, PLEASE!!!

-Psycho

tyler

I hope your connection didn't come through for you. I've been in your shoes before and you have to want it more. I don't know what else to say other than that. I wish you the best and stick around, even if you are using. It can take some time do develop the resolve to do this. Take care.

Luckyv2

Hey join us that is what I almost did last night after our one year anniv. party for NA LOL I got so made I said Fucck it and left the dance, came home and got lucky and then I decided to just ride around for a little while, came back home and I am still clean today. I detoxed myself with the help of SR and NA AND AA so I know that if a ruin in the mill junkie like me can do this whos disease used 2000 dollars a week on meth you can do it if you just do it for right now. There is a saying that I try to remember "You can't save your face and your @ss at the same time" LOve You Vic

PsychoMess

i am stuck in my misery right now! i don't even know if i want to feel better. and i hear you tyler, when you say that i have to want it. But i hate that at the same time. I am a big "take it seriously" type of person and so when they say in meetings that you are all going to love me until i can love myself, i take that as a comfort. WOW!! someone actually wants to help me? But then everyone gives up on me (i feel) when they say the kind of stuff like, "go ahead and leave, try to do it alone, see what happens" or "you have to want it, we can't do it for you". i know you guys cant do it for me, but i thought you were supposed to help me until i could do it myself. i don't know. i understand the reasoning behind people saying all that stuff, i just am in a place right now where i really need someone else to hold me up. Because, to tell you the truth, i don't give a F*** about myself!!! i am really just looking for love, and i have only ever got that in meetings. and i think if i stay clean, then you will love me, but im not to a point yet where i am doing it for me.

if anyone can relate and wants to help that would be great! any suggestion or some kicks in the A**? i know i probably deserve it. i can be a B**** sometimes! sorry. no harm intended. just frustrated with myself and my feelings about stupid things!

thanks!

-Psych

Live

day 2 is a good start from your first posts, glad you are back. Perhaps you will find some of the recovery stories here very inspiring.

recoveringaddic

you now have guilt, about going out tonight and that's the first step. since your connection haven't reached you yet, think about it. make it possible for you not to be reached. remember all you have to do is stay clean and sober and not use just for today one day at a time remember!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!one day at a time. my thoughts are with you.

tyler

I understand what you are saying. I used to hate that "you have to want it" BS too!! But it is true. I used to say, I do want it, but I guess I didn't want it enough because I wasn't willing to do anything to "get it". For me personally, meetings were'nt the answer, but they do help many and if you feel that love there, then get to some meetings. Dont' think that the people in those rooms walked in there and were cured, they went through the same **** as you are going through. They don't hate you when you use, that hate that you used, if that makes any sense!! When you ask for help, you have to be willing to accept it. Nobody can make you stop using, if you have loved one's in your life they have probably already tried that, and if they can't do it what chance to a bunch of strangers have. What we can do, and what they can do at meetings, is offer you support, advice, a sympathitic ear, but you have to find it inside of you to do the work. Keep comming back, you'll get it, and if nobody told you today...I love you. I don't know you, but I've been in your shoes and I have love for anyone who has to walk in those shoes.

Gooch

Somebody at a meeting tols me one night a long time ago.. "Guess that you want to stay clean a little more than you want to use at least for the moment because your here".

It was that moment that used to mess me up. You know that moment that I wanted to get high more than I wanted to stay clean. Learn to recognize the moment and remember that ugly moment after you've used where you regret having made the decision to get high.. That memory kept me going back to meetings until I learned how much I appreciated staying clean over getting screwed up.

If you really haven't gotten sick and tired of getting sick and tired yet, the chances are you may not stay clean but thers a part pf you that wants this opr you wouldn't be hangin around a recovery message board. Keep coming back no matter what.

PsychoMess

not in the mood to post right now, but just wanted to let all of you know that i hear you, and thanks!

Psych