I'm Having a Moment...Help!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
I'm Having a Moment...Help!
So it's another bad day today. Abf went to work... I think, but really he's here right now, and he's completely hammered. In other words I'm not sure how much work he really did. He's been lying to me all day about where he's been I'm almost certain. So I think I've had it.... but I don't know what to do about it. I know I can't go on living this way. I want to get out, but I'm scared to death. I'm pregnant, and I'm not sure if I can afford finacially for him to go. I'm also not looking forward to having to tell people what happened. I'm somewhat ashamed I guess even though I know it isn't my fault. Unless his drinking changes, I just can't do this though. I don't know where a person goes from here. I'm sitting here with the most insane urge to hit him... hard. I don't know if I should admit that but it's true. I'm controlling it... but not very well I suppose. I want to go talk to my parents but I know they will figure something out right away. They have a sixth sense that way. I guess I don't know if I want them to know yet because I don't know what I'm going to do yet. If I wasn't pregnant, it wouldn't be an issue but the fear involved here has got me paralyzed. I don't know what I'm asking you guys here for but I guess it's just a shoulder. No where to turn right at the moment.
This shouldn't be so hard....
This shouldn't be so hard....
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
(((Aquiana)))
You've plenty of shoulders to cry on here and lots of arms to give you a big hug.
Reach out, hon. To your parents if they are the people you want to talk to. I know that when I was in the depths of my despair last year, my parents and brothet pulled out all the stops to support me. They couldn't have done that if I hadn't opened up to them. I was ashamed to, buty never once have they judged me. Every week, they tell me how proud they are of how strong I have been and how well I have handled the situation. It doesn't matter that you don't know what to do - perhaps they have some ideas for you.
You look after yourself and the little one.
Love
Minnie
xxx
You've plenty of shoulders to cry on here and lots of arms to give you a big hug.
Reach out, hon. To your parents if they are the people you want to talk to. I know that when I was in the depths of my despair last year, my parents and brothet pulled out all the stops to support me. They couldn't have done that if I hadn't opened up to them. I was ashamed to, buty never once have they judged me. Every week, they tell me how proud they are of how strong I have been and how well I have handled the situation. It doesn't matter that you don't know what to do - perhaps they have some ideas for you.
You look after yourself and the little one.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
Thank you Minnie...
I just can't let go and it's killing me. I knew this was coming but I was hoping it would go away. It's not, it's just getting worse everyday. He's drinking every day now and coming home plastered more often again. I do want to talk to someone about it but I know from last time there may not be any turning back. My parents had to warm up to him I suppose last time and it'll be harder for them this time if you know what I mean...It would be easier if I knew for a fact I could get away from him this time but I really am having a hard time letting go of everything and having to start again by myself. I'm afraid I'm going to get sucked back in. I hate him right now and when he's drunk... but I'll miss the non-drunk him. It's really sick....
I just can't let go and it's killing me. I knew this was coming but I was hoping it would go away. It's not, it's just getting worse everyday. He's drinking every day now and coming home plastered more often again. I do want to talk to someone about it but I know from last time there may not be any turning back. My parents had to warm up to him I suppose last time and it'll be harder for them this time if you know what I mean...It would be easier if I knew for a fact I could get away from him this time but I really am having a hard time letting go of everything and having to start again by myself. I'm afraid I'm going to get sucked back in. I hate him right now and when he's drunk... but I'll miss the non-drunk him. It's really sick....
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Just think of the new life you will have with just you and the baby! He will be the one missing out, and then if you leave, the baby won't have to be around his drunk behavior, not to mention the fact you won't have to see it either.
(((((Aquiana)))))
I'm sorry you are going through this...Take care of yourself and your baby.
(((((Aquiana)))))
I'm sorry you are going through this...Take care of yourself and your baby.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Aquianna...
Have you tried al-anon yet? The support and help is there if you havent.
For the moment, do as Minnie suggests and reach out to your closest allie.
Pray too....we are here to help, so keep coming back, hon!!
Have you tried al-anon yet? The support and help is there if you havent.
For the moment, do as Minnie suggests and reach out to your closest allie.
Pray too....we are here to help, so keep coming back, hon!!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Aquianna:
If the only thing holding you back is fear of how you'll make it alone with the baby, then let me share my story. Years ago, when I told my boyfriend at the time I was pregnant, he told me to get rid of the baby or he'd walk. Well, I said goodbye and decided to go it alone. Although I was only earning $11,000 a year, I thought, "I can do this." Sounds impossible, but I did it. Sure, it was a financial struggle at first, but eventually we thrived.
Many women raise babies these days with little or no help from the babies' fathers. I'm a shining example of that. And you know what else? Since I never heard from or saw my daughter's father again, that meant that I could make all the decisions for her. From what to name her, to how to dress her, to where we would live, to where she would go to school. And that was truly a blessing.
I think you should take a few days to think calmly and rationally about what you want to do. Tomorrow you could feel differently. But if you do decide that you can't live this way any longer and you don't want to raise your child in this type of atmosphere, don't let fear keep you paralyzed. You can't move forward if you're not willing to leave your comfort zone.
Whatever you decide, we're here for you, and we'll support you 100%. Here's a big hug for you and little Aquiannette (hey, I like that!).
FD
If the only thing holding you back is fear of how you'll make it alone with the baby, then let me share my story. Years ago, when I told my boyfriend at the time I was pregnant, he told me to get rid of the baby or he'd walk. Well, I said goodbye and decided to go it alone. Although I was only earning $11,000 a year, I thought, "I can do this." Sounds impossible, but I did it. Sure, it was a financial struggle at first, but eventually we thrived.
Many women raise babies these days with little or no help from the babies' fathers. I'm a shining example of that. And you know what else? Since I never heard from or saw my daughter's father again, that meant that I could make all the decisions for her. From what to name her, to how to dress her, to where we would live, to where she would go to school. And that was truly a blessing.
I think you should take a few days to think calmly and rationally about what you want to do. Tomorrow you could feel differently. But if you do decide that you can't live this way any longer and you don't want to raise your child in this type of atmosphere, don't let fear keep you paralyzed. You can't move forward if you're not willing to leave your comfort zone.
Whatever you decide, we're here for you, and we'll support you 100%. Here's a big hug for you and little Aquiannette (hey, I like that!).
FD
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: CA
Posts: 109
I agree with everyone here. You CAN make it without him, you CAN be happy again. Why waste you time and energies on him when you can put all your focus upon yourself and the baby??
If you were not pregnant I get the feeling you think it would be easier to leave, being pregnant is perhaps a prime reason you should leave. I am sure you will have loads of support from friends and family - also us all her at SR!! Hang in there, this could be new beginnings. ((HUG))
If you were not pregnant I get the feeling you think it would be easier to leave, being pregnant is perhaps a prime reason you should leave. I am sure you will have loads of support from friends and family - also us all her at SR!! Hang in there, this could be new beginnings. ((HUG))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
Former Doormat said:
I agree. Pregnancies aren't instant. 
You can take a few days to center yourself and make some decisions.
I think you should take a few days to think calmly and rationally about what you want to do. Tomorrow you could feel differently. But if you do decide that you can't live this way any longer and you don't want to raise your child in this type of atmosphere, don't let fear keep you paralyzed. You can't move forward if you're not willing to leave your comfort zone.
Whatever you decide, we're here for you, and we'll support you 100%. Here's a big hug for you and little Aquiannette (hey, I like that!).
Whatever you decide, we're here for you, and we'll support you 100%. Here's a big hug for you and little Aquiannette (hey, I like that!).
You can take a few days to center yourself and make some decisions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
Thank you all very much for the support. I feel so lost sometimes because I really don't know where to go. I did go to my parents last night. I was going to say something but I couldn't do it in the end. I just pretended everything was fine again. It at least took my mind off things for a while. It's hard to tell them things like that sometimes. My dad is facing some potential serious health problems and my brother is always in some sort of financial chaos he needs to be bailed out of. My mom worries herself sick. I'm supposed to be the tough one. Sometimes I'm just not. It's hard to talk to my friends, I don't think they always fully understand.
It's still pretty dramatic today. Last night was full of threats. Not physical ones, more financially based. No child support unless I can find him, he's going to take half of everything and so on. He even threatened to take the baby stuff. He's trying to hurt me I guess with no understanding that it's wouldn't be just me he hurt. Or maybe he doesn't care. He then had the nerve to call me this morning and ask if I wanted him to come to the ultrasound today. I said no. I'm not so worried about the stuff, more that he could even think about hurting his unborn child. I'm not worried about him hurting me. He's done that so many times it doesn't hurt that much anymore.
I haven't gone to any al-anon meetings yet. I wish I could get over my fear and get in there. I'm going to try to get myself down to the Alcohol & Drug Abuse Center here after my appointment. I'm thinking if there is some one on one counselling availiable I may be more apt to go. For now anyway. It's not easy going in there either, the head person there so happens to be my parents neighbor so she definitely knows full well who I am, but I guess maybe it's time for something.
Again, thanks everyone. It means alot to me to know there is someone listening who understands and doesn't judge. It's hard to find people like that sometimes.
It's still pretty dramatic today. Last night was full of threats. Not physical ones, more financially based. No child support unless I can find him, he's going to take half of everything and so on. He even threatened to take the baby stuff. He's trying to hurt me I guess with no understanding that it's wouldn't be just me he hurt. Or maybe he doesn't care. He then had the nerve to call me this morning and ask if I wanted him to come to the ultrasound today. I said no. I'm not so worried about the stuff, more that he could even think about hurting his unborn child. I'm not worried about him hurting me. He's done that so many times it doesn't hurt that much anymore.
I haven't gone to any al-anon meetings yet. I wish I could get over my fear and get in there. I'm going to try to get myself down to the Alcohol & Drug Abuse Center here after my appointment. I'm thinking if there is some one on one counselling availiable I may be more apt to go. For now anyway. It's not easy going in there either, the head person there so happens to be my parents neighbor so she definitely knows full well who I am, but I guess maybe it's time for something.
Again, thanks everyone. It means alot to me to know there is someone listening who understands and doesn't judge. It's hard to find people like that sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
A suggestion while you're "sticking your toe in the water" re: Al-anon. Come to some online meetings. Think of it as "meetings-light", half the flavor, half the sugar...but you'll have an idea of what happens. In real life they're warmer, more real and ever so helpful but a bit of familiarity might help break the ice for you.
Take care and enjoy the ultrasound...You'll see your baby!
Take care and enjoy the ultrasound...You'll see your baby!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
(((aquiana)) - yes online meetings would be a way to get your feet wet. and as for the counseling and neighbor - i would think there would be a confidentiality thing. it's amazing how we think we know how people would react, think about our situations, but it's amzing to find that there are a lot more folks out there with issues they are dealing with.
hugs and prayers to you - chris
hugs and prayers to you - chris
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
It's normal to want to hit them. Dealing w/a person w/an addiction can bring out anger like you have never felt. At least for me it has. It's normal and it's okay to feel that.
I know being pg causes a lot of extra weight on you and worry on you. How far along are you in your pregnancy?
Believe me, no one looks forward to saying they are dealing a/alcoholism, never a fun thing. but I think people will be more understanding than you think at least that is what I have found in my own personal appearance. It is kind of a relief to tell some people (people close to you), so they know and don't expect you to be like you are on top of the world, etc.
Al-anon might be good too for you.
Do you think he would be receptive to treatment? IF so, it might be worth staying w/him. But if he is not committed to any treatement, I would be tempted to move on. No one should cause you this much misery.
As for finances, eventually if he keeps going to work drunk, he will no longer have a job and he could get into legal troubles (DUIs, etc).
Keep talking to us, it is always good to vent.
I know being pg causes a lot of extra weight on you and worry on you. How far along are you in your pregnancy?
Believe me, no one looks forward to saying they are dealing a/alcoholism, never a fun thing. but I think people will be more understanding than you think at least that is what I have found in my own personal appearance. It is kind of a relief to tell some people (people close to you), so they know and don't expect you to be like you are on top of the world, etc.
Al-anon might be good too for you.
Do you think he would be receptive to treatment? IF so, it might be worth staying w/him. But if he is not committed to any treatement, I would be tempted to move on. No one should cause you this much misery.
As for finances, eventually if he keeps going to work drunk, he will no longer have a job and he could get into legal troubles (DUIs, etc).
Keep talking to us, it is always good to vent.
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