danidlt

ok I am having one of those really bad days where everything seems to go wroung...one of those days that seems to be testing to give up on sobriety....my kids refused to take anp today, desroyed both their rooms, amongst other places in the house. I feel like I live in a freaking zoo! I hate the mess but I have no motivation to clean...its crazy I dont know what the hell is wrong with me. and I know not to use but that doesnt make me stop from wanting it. I have called everybody I can to come over just to keep me company from going insane..and guess what no one can come over..they have excuses like always. I feel like I have to go through all this on my own and Im just not sure I could handle. my best drug buddy was always here when I needed her and not to bring me drugs...but to keep me company and get stuff done around in here...sorry I just needed to vent

Anna

Hi danidlt,

Sorry to hear you"re having a bad day but you have to try to hang in there. Don't worry too much about the mess, it's not worth losing yourself over a messy house. Just do what you can and try to take a few minutes to relax and take care of yourself. That's important!

Love, Anna

lonelyctg

I know what you mean. My kids are driving me crazy too, and it's all I can do to reach for a pain killer and pop it in my mouth. My friends all live far away, and so there is no one to come over and keep me company. It's hard to be alone sometimes.

I mean, the kids are there, but it's not the same, and my house is a mess too, a terrible mess, but I feel sooooo lazy, I just don't feel like doing anything. I feel so ashamed.

roadie58

Is anyone hurt or on fire? No, then you can overcome anything else. As my sponser says 'God doens't give us more than we can handle'. So what if the kids are unruly and the house is a mess. This is why a program with people in the same life situation are important. Go a meeting soon (NA or AA) and start making some NEW and BETTER friends. Those that understand, I mean really understand, what you are going through would be there in a heartbeat. Your dealer is just helping out for a profit. Change your playthings and playmates.

Go outside- forget the house, it'll be there tomorrow.

danidlt

you guys are so awesome. I just wish the b\f would understand about the messy house...but oh well hell have to get over that..Im trying to feel better...gonna shower me and the kids..they are 2 and 4 so thats how it has to go if I need a shower during the day...and my roomate will be here in an hour and we are going to go get some ice cream...thats way better than doing drugs right

roadie58

make mine chocolate mint chip! way cheaper than drugs even if you go to that 33 flavor place! Then you'll get to shower the kids again! LOL. Have fun, rent a movie, go for a walk...

Chy

I know for me I needed support, have you tried NA or AA yet? The house mess will wait to another day, the important thing is to take care of you. Get away from the mess causing you stress, ice cream sounds like a good plan! *hugs*

danidlt

ok so me and the room mate too the kids out to dinner, where everything seemed to go wrong, they got their food first and were finished 10 minutes before we even go tour food..that was fun so there was some kicking some yelling(from them) some food throwing and everybody looking at me....sometimes when people look at me like that I just want to flip them off...but I didnt I just gritted my teeth and quietly told my kids to stop doing whatever they were doing at the moment...stopped for ice cream on the way home got out of the car and my kids ran down the sidewalk...geez..so they are now in bed as soon as we walk in the door because I was going to lose my sanity. so now I am trying to decide what I am going to do...go hang out with a sister or hang here tonight...have a roommate that will watch them...but as much as I feel the need for freedom I dont know if I want to go out...but thanks for all the ideas...I have yet to make any meetings..they start at 7 and 8 to late tonight its 800 now and boyfriend just never seems to be home in time and I dont like to have my roomate watch the kids when they are awake to often or for too long..my roomate is male..hes awesome but hes not their dad and their dad needs to learn to be here after work..ok anyways now that I have vented lol

roadie58

Sorry that didn't turn out to be good old fashioned wholesome Americana with the kids and the rm and ice cream and all. I don't have kids but do your's need a good spankin? I'm sure you have your ways of handling them but they do sound like a handful. Hope you decided to stay in tonight. Too often going out means going 'OUT', and we know where that leads us.

Is your boyfriend the kids' dad? You've got a lot of male companionship there with two lil kids. Not mine to judge but please don't confuse the little tykes as to who is 'Dad', if indeed Dad is around at all. I'm no psychiatrist, but did you ever think that maybe that's why they act out?

Anyway, hope you found a good book or way to relax tonight, sounds like you need and deserve it. We'll say a prayer for you but seriously try to get some help tomorrow. If you go to AA or NA, try to get a temporary sponsor and book right away. Start NOW, don't put the program off. Just an occasional meeting is not enough, you need to really get involved for it to take hold, okay. Enough for tonight, stay in and take care.

roadie58

dupe post, sorry.

danidlt

yeah my kids are a handful...but well get through that among the other things we are trying to get through...yes my b\f is their dad and he needs to be around more than he is...hes often "busy" with this or that after work but dont worry they know who their dad is...I did find a good way to relax..just went across the street with the neighbors and spent some time talking with them. today things are ok...Im trying to be in a more positive mood instead of thinking of all the bad things...I try to visit here often...looking forward to my one month date for cocaine on the 21 and the week after that will be my one month day for ice...although I do try for one day at a time and sometime minute by minute...but so far so good for me...Ive made it through the bad days and making it a goal to make it through worse days...thnx for everything I know you mean nothing bad sometimes we need to think about things in a different perspective

roadie58

you doin any better today? Sound like you had your hands full yesterday, the chat with the neighbors sounds like a good break for you. Hope you have a fulfilling Friday.

golf99

My savior this week has been 'SOBE' no caffeine. Energy for awhile, otherwise I'm dead to the world. Hope you feel better.

danidlt

better today just kids stuff driving me nuts!

klegrand

Let go and Let God, However I have found that God does not help clean the house and neither do kids, that is unless you make it a game for them to enjoy. I promise even 2and 4 year olds like to feel big doing what mommy does and you could always giuve an incentive, like ice cream!!!

klegrand

Glad to hear today ias better. Try what I said before. They will become mommy's little helpers.