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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: MA
Posts: 10
Newbie
Hi all:
My name is Teh...Wondering why I can't sleep well lately and with some soul searching I end up realizing I am fantizing ways to "help" (enable) my dtr in her destructive path with etoh. I have been to several face to face mtgs and they have helped. But I get so caught up in the need to "fix" it all....to protect their children (too young for all this)...I know I am a classic enabler, was raised by etoh's and 1st hubby is now sober 3.5 yrs. Lucky lady that I am, my 2nd hubby has no problem with etoh. We preached and preached, educated and listened to no end....only to have the oldest of our 3 grown children end up with this dreaded diseae.
I am learning to detach, to not let the elephant be in the room unrecognized. I refuse to step around it and speak in whispers.
My main fear at this time is the safety of our grandchildren. She drinks when her hubby is not home and she is alone with the kids. I go over often (daily) and check to be sure the babies are ok and at times will take them with me. I told her I will not judge her, can't change her, can't cure her, but I sure as H*** can and will be sure the grandchildren are safe.
I'm just feeling really low, lonely and scared for myself, our families and our daughter's future. It's so hard to not badger her, but I have not done that except the time I explained about the grandchildren's safety. I don't judge her, I work in this field and all I see are destroyed families or families on their way to destruction. It is so sad. My folks stayed together but used my brother and I as their battering rams. Our other brother and sister were for some unknown reason unscathed. So I know I raised my children as a ADOC and did not know it at the time, so made many many mistakes, for which I have apologized and luckily have been forgiven by my kids.
I just need to be able to go somewhere (here:nervous I hope) to listen to others, to hear words of encouragement, maybe as time goes by to try to contribute and comfort others.
I am terrified of loosing access to my grandchildren if my daughter becomes angry enough at me. I have been the only constant focus in her life since her birth, her birth dad left when she was 3 and did not return till she was 16, did a real number on her (told her he still loved me) and did not call her again till she was 20. She refused contact at that time and finally made connection with him 3.5 yrs ago. He had finally become sober (maybe 4 - 5 yrs). Since then is has been downhill for her.
Sorry to have taken up so much space and time as a first time writer, but once I get started it's hard to stop and this is just skimming the top!!!!
Hope to hear from someone.....Teh
My name is Teh...Wondering why I can't sleep well lately and with some soul searching I end up realizing I am fantizing ways to "help" (enable) my dtr in her destructive path with etoh. I have been to several face to face mtgs and they have helped. But I get so caught up in the need to "fix" it all....to protect their children (too young for all this)...I know I am a classic enabler, was raised by etoh's and 1st hubby is now sober 3.5 yrs. Lucky lady that I am, my 2nd hubby has no problem with etoh. We preached and preached, educated and listened to no end....only to have the oldest of our 3 grown children end up with this dreaded diseae.
I am learning to detach, to not let the elephant be in the room unrecognized. I refuse to step around it and speak in whispers.
My main fear at this time is the safety of our grandchildren. She drinks when her hubby is not home and she is alone with the kids. I go over often (daily) and check to be sure the babies are ok and at times will take them with me. I told her I will not judge her, can't change her, can't cure her, but I sure as H*** can and will be sure the grandchildren are safe.
I'm just feeling really low, lonely and scared for myself, our families and our daughter's future. It's so hard to not badger her, but I have not done that except the time I explained about the grandchildren's safety. I don't judge her, I work in this field and all I see are destroyed families or families on their way to destruction. It is so sad. My folks stayed together but used my brother and I as their battering rams. Our other brother and sister were for some unknown reason unscathed. So I know I raised my children as a ADOC and did not know it at the time, so made many many mistakes, for which I have apologized and luckily have been forgiven by my kids.
I just need to be able to go somewhere (here:nervous I hope) to listen to others, to hear words of encouragement, maybe as time goes by to try to contribute and comfort others.
I am terrified of loosing access to my grandchildren if my daughter becomes angry enough at me. I have been the only constant focus in her life since her birth, her birth dad left when she was 3 and did not return till she was 16, did a real number on her (told her he still loved me) and did not call her again till she was 20. She refused contact at that time and finally made connection with him 3.5 yrs ago. He had finally become sober (maybe 4 - 5 yrs). Since then is has been downhill for her.
Sorry to have taken up so much space and time as a first time writer, but once I get started it's hard to stop and this is just skimming the top!!!!
Hope to hear from someone.....Teh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: MA
Posts: 10
Savana ...thanks for the welcome. Etoh stands for alcohol(ic)(ism). Maybe it is not an acceptable abreviation, not sure, but since you didn't know it, I won't use it again as other's probably won't either. Teh
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