annd

Yesterday the man that I loved with all my heart drank for the last time. He was found lying on the living room floor. He was the kindest and most compassionate man I'd ever known, but his drinking was out of control. He knew that he had, finally, caused damage to his body, but he still didn't stop drinking. I begged and pleaded with him over the years. He'd been in and out of treatment. To spare myself and the kids anymore grief, I moved out ten months ago and got my own place. I finally filed for divorce and it was final 4 months ago. I never gave up hoping, but I couldn't put my life on hold any longer. I longed to see him get his life back, but no matter how many times he promised he would not drink another drop, he always did. I don't think it would be this difficult if he had been a jerk, but he wasn't.

He was once a helpless 5-year-old little boy who was sexually abused by his older brother for years. He didn't tell anyone until he was almost 40. When his first wife died at 37, he was left with 3 small boys. That's when he started drinking. We loved each other and I, foolishly, believed that our love would somehow remedy the alcohol problem.

His funeral is tomorrow. He leaves behind 3 sons who finally gave up on him and an ex and a mom who loved him dearly. No matter how much I wanted it for him, I couldn't make him stop drinking. Though I know I did everything possible to support him and encourage him to stop drinking, I can't stop wondering . . . what if I had taken his phone call the day before . . . what if I had stopped by and asked him one last time . . . I know in my heart that it wouldn't have changed anything, but the "what if's" come anyway. So today I charter new ground in my experience with loving an alcoholic - what happens when they have a choice between life and alcohol - and they choose the alcohol.

minnie

(((annd)))

I am so sorry to hear this and my heart goes out to you. You know that you did everything you could and you know that love isn't enough. If it was, there would be no alcoholics or drug addicts.

I hope you can find some peace.

Love

Minnie
xxx

harleygirl92156

So very sorry for your pain and your loss.

He couldn't find peace from the disease on his own and it sounds like he tried. I feel God saw he was struggling and released him from his pain and took him home.

I know that doesn't ease your loss or his childrens loss, but he is at peace and the disease didn't win, God did.

You now have a "special" angel watching over you.

Please, Please, Please remember THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! You didn't cause it, you couldn't control it and you couldn't cure it! Be at peace with the fact that he is relieved from his suffering because he was suffering as much if not more than you. It is sad that death is the only way the suffering can be relieved for some.
God Bless you.

Gabe

Ann, I'm so sorry for all the pain and loss you're feeling.
Please be gentle with yourself and try not to "what if" too much.
Prayers out for you and your children.

Ann

I'm so sorry and my prayers go out for you and those who loved him. How sad it is when we lose someone to this terrible disease. I believe he is at peace today and rests with God.

Hugs and Condolences
Ann

emily33

I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

cwohio

((annd)) please know that the big A is larger than all of us and it sounds like you handled things well. I think harleygirl said it best - God released him! prayers to you and your family.

CAPTAINZING2000

So sorry for your loss.

Alcohol always destroys before it kills. If, we only knew that people loved us and we could love ourselves.

Praying the Good Lord helps you in your time of sorrow.

Chris

wantneeda

(((andd)))
Sorry for your pain and loss, sorry for his children, sorry for him, that he couldn't find a way out. I guess God found his way out for him.
YOu really did the best you could and knew how. You sound like a very strong, courageous person.
I know these 'what if's' too well...those woulda, coulda, shouldas. Don't be too hard on yourself, you did the right things.
Sending prayers for you and the family.
\\// Wendy

equus

Disease effects good people, being good doesn't give any one of us immunity.

I'm so sorry for what you've lost, I hope time takes you quickly to where you can smile at the good memories your insight into him gave you. No power on earth - not even death can remove from any of us the gifts our loved ones have given us.

bahookie

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

There is nothing I can say to make your grief less, but know that we are all thinking of you and sending you comforting thoughts.

Jane
xxx

cloudy

((((AAND))) I want to strongly and sincerely ditto what everyone wrote, but especially the above. Your post, your story, your reality today has grabbed my heart and I am sending the prayers it has inside your way. I wish you peace and for those what if's to leave you alone - they don't belong with you, eternal peace and love does.

Cloudy

rock

Sorry for your loss. Stay Strong Rock

gelfling

At a time of loss so great, we question whether we did enough...what if... Just know you did everything you could do. You couldn't do anything else or anything that would have saved his life.

Stand strong and blessings to you and his children.

walkingtheline

((((annd))))

My heart goes out to everyone who loved him.

"What ifs" often haunt us. I can only repeat what we all KNOW to be true: You did not cause it, you could not changed it and you certainly couldn't have cured it. If being loved were enough, there would be few A's in this world.

I'll pray your HP holds you close through this difficult time.

pmaslan

(((annd)))
My heart breaks just reading your post. My Ex sounds exactly like your ex was. I am preparing for the same news about him anytime. God be with you and your family.
Love, Patty

drgnfly30

I'm so sorry to hear this news My thoughts & prayers are with you!

Minx1969

Annd,

I am so sorry for your loss..This disease is a horrible thing..

I will put you in my prayers.

Del

ncdeac

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. My only hope is now he can be at peace and you can find the strength to get through this difficult time. My prayers are with you.

Aquiana

I'm really sorry for the loss you and everyone else involved is going through. You're love and support was the best and only thing you could do. It's so sad to see a life thrown away because of an addiction. Sending prayers your way. Take care of yourself.