Coping

AH has been good for couple weeks. By good I mean the little drinking he has been doing hasn't bothered me. But... the last couple of days I came across where he hides his vodka and I have been checking the levels. (I know Im not supposed to do that that is why I am using this board for support.) Anyways, I just cant figure out when he is drinking. He is gone all day, and the little time before dinner doesn't seen like enough time to drink that much. I just dont know. Unless, and this is real scary maybe he is drinking before work. Should I ask him??? Any feedback will be appreciated

drgnfly30

I wouldn't ask, my H, that's for sure...

That being said.. I've noticed that my H drinks an extreme amount of liquor in a very short time & gets drunk very quickly.. I mean approx a 12 oz glass of straight whiskey in the first 30 minutes...

He doesn't think that is alot of whiskey (it's just one drink, he says)... no. one drink contains about 1-2 oz of liquor.. not 12!!

You may think how could he find the time to drink so much??? but I've seen it with my own eyes...


Christine

Coping

Boy somethings we should never see such as our AH drink!! I am just trying to not let his problem impact my life so much. I do well sometimes and not so well others.

JessicaNAJ

I agree.... I wouldn't ask. If I asked my AH something like that, he'd just lie about it anyway. Mine too could drink a lot at once, except he'd just open the bottle and down it went.

wraybear

Yes, my AH can drink a lot in a very short period of time. And, eventually he drank morning, noon and night... that is why he is where he is right now. He "moves" his hiding places too. His latest hiding place is, DUH!, his coat pocket. In the winter he wheres a big coat, so I guess he thinks that's better than the garage, he can get to it more easily. There are times when he drinks a bottle on his way home, and keeps the empty bottle in his pocket - DUH! weird. they are insane when they are drinking.

Yes, if you say anything he will probably lie anyway. I have been there too. Checking levels, checking hiding places, etc. We become insane too. I guess, does it really matter WHEN they are drinking? Does it really matter HOW much? Does it really matter WHERE? I am not saying this to be a smart alec, I am saying this to myself more than anything... why waste my time worrying about when, where, why, how much... the only thing I could/should have done was not allow him to drive with the children at anytime as I never knew when/where/why/how much he would be drinking.

I guess the real question is what is your motive for asking? Is it because you want him to know that you know? Is it because you are worried he is indeed drinking prior to work and that he will get caught and lose his job? Instead of beating around the bush maybe try to figure out what your reason is, and then be honest if you do decide to talk to him.

Take care in this wonderful world of insanity.

Coping

Wow you hit the nails on the head. I am always amazed that so many people have experienced the exact same thing. I mean these men can be interchanged with each other and no one would know the difference. It never ceases to amaze me. I guess there is strength in numbers. And yes mine has lied about drinking so I guess I shouldn't waste my time asking anything alcohol related. I want to know if he is drinking in the am so I know if he is really getting really messed up again. I am worried about him getting depressed and starting that cycle again. He is just starting to work again and I worry a lot. Boy life gets so complicated sometimes. I know why they say one day at a time.

JennyK

Agreed and agreed....

My husband during one of his sober times, told me that when I asked him about it, he was relived, since then he was able to be angry with ME instead of being angry with HIMSELF.

I quickly learned that adding my voice into the battle between my husband and his beer, made ME the easy target.

Jenny

cwohio

wray is right. i think we have all been down the "i know what you are doing & how much" road and all it does is start chaos, give an opening to switch the blame, make us miserable and DOESN'T stop anything. i gave it up a long time ago.

Neagrm

Oh so true, Jenny, about when we add our voice we become the easy target, an important insight and so helpful to be aware of this!
Nea

elizabeth1979

I asked once and was sorry I did...made me wonder all the time. Just for grins, let me tell you all the fun places he hid alcohol

1. In the garden hose outside...drank out of the hose
2. Under the couch
3. In the bathroom cabinets-taped behind the pipes
4. Under the drivers seat of the car-dont really understand that one
5. In lawn bags of leaves in the garage awaiting trash pickup

They are tricky when they wanna be!

Coping

OMG I thought my AH was the only one to hide his drink. When mine was sober for a couple months and cleaned out the back of the basement he kept finding empty bottles and had no recollection of how they got there. And as I type he is going into the garage to have a little sip. At least he isnt driving. I will check back later. Hope you all have a safe night.

ByAThread

In a boot, under the mattress, in every possible box of junque in the garage, in the bird seed bag, in the charcoal bag, in our old (removed) dishwasher in the shed, in the couch cushions, in musical instrument cases, in vases and jugs, in dresser drawers, coat pockets, behind books on the shelf, even in the bar cabinet we don't use for drinking stuff! And he never knows where I found those...those must be old...someone else's (there is no one else!)...and as for drinking a lot fast, he can put down a pint in a heartbeat! When I was monitoring, and when I used to keep alcohol around for ME, he even went so far as to drink mine and refill the bottle with water! That made for a really tasty martini! FUN! Remember, he doesn't even know where he put them each time, so for him, he DOESN'T know where you found them! The searching makes you crazy, and doesn't do any more good than asking or confronting...just causes anger and more drinking, or withdrawl and more drinking. Sad, but true.

elizabeth1979

Oh yeah..mine did that too.

Beautiful

Unreal. Mine is a dry drunk. Ugh.

wraybear

ByAThread, I feel the beginnings of a Dr. Seuss book here...

I would not hide it in my shoe,
I would not hide it in the bottle of glue,
I would not hide it in my coat,
I would not hide it in my boat,
I would not, could not, you see,
Therefore, it must have been my friend Lee.

JessicaNAJ

I have to laugh b/c mine did the same thing!!!
Wray - that was awesome!!!

laurie6781

Check the toilet tank. I know that's where I and others used to hide ours, and I learned that and other hiding places from my dad. rofl.

Love and (((((to all))))),

Neagrm

ROFLMAO! Wray, priceless poetry, LOL, thanks for the great laugh,
Nea

JT

Paying attention to how much, when, what or where they drink is an exercise in self abuse. It's pretty simple...too much alcohol too quickly equals plastered. I see the same thing almost daily and I don't need the details.

In Al Anon I learned to focus on myself and I have been so successful that when Ward is sober he wonders where I am...sweet justice!

Hugs,
JT

emily33

My H has been gone for a week now (vacation), he has called me almost everyday, I didnt ask him how much he drank, I dont care anymore, he actually said to me I havent drank but three beers since i have been gone.

I didnt ask him, but since he brought it up what I did next was not the right thing to do, I said to him do you honestly expect me to believe that. I was just trying to point out to him, I am not stupid. I changed he subject and asked him how his father was doing and I havent mentioned his drinking at all.

I have decided that the only boundarie I am going to set is he will never have my kids in the car, cause I know better. It is his life his problem, I cant do anything for him, I am powerless. When he lies, he is only lying to himself.