JessicaNAJ

AH told me this morning that after paying rent, the sitter and some other things, he has no money for food, toilet paper, or anything. He said, "I still haven't figured that one out."

Now...the old me would have offered to pay the sitter for him or take him to the store or pickup toilet paper and some food when I was shopping. I didn't use the "know it all" thing by saying, "I've always found a way, I'm sure you can too." NOPE - I just listened and said "I'm sure you'll figure something out. At least you're back to work now. That should help you get caught up."

Bottom line, I'm glad he's working on sobriety, but if I jump in and start helping him out, not only is that CoDependant, but it will enable him.....

One of the Boundaries I have set for myself is that I have to let him take responsibility for what's his and for me NOT to jump in and save him when I think he needs it. If he really wants/needs help, he will ask.

minnie

Well handled!! Jess, you're getting right back on track.

wait to be asked, wait to be asked, wait to be asked. I have to say this to myself so many times a day. It works, though.

(((hugs)))

Minnie
xxxx

queenofthehwy

Jessica,
That is so great!!! I know I would really struggle with that one! It seems like he keeps giving you opportunities to grow!!!!
Mindi

elizabeth1979

GREAT JOB!!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU Doesn't it feel good!

JessicaNAJ

I'm going through a lot of (emotional) stuff right now, but at least I know I can still maintain my boundaries.

Yes .... it does feel good!!!

Thanks guys

sarah13

Good for you.......what a great way to handle that situation-not judging but firm!!
I had to chuckle.........congrats on the great move!!

escape artist

way to go ((jessica))!

cwohio

jess - i am so proud of you girl! you are doing an awesome job and here i sit in my stew! i truly am a slow learner!

hugs - chris

FriendofBill

Bravo!

JessicaNAJ

You are dealing with much more than I am. I truly commend you for how well you are doing. YOU are doing awesome. I couldn't even image being where you or wray are, or anyone else here that is dealing with a terribly ill A. You all are an inspiration.

Beautiful

Way to go, Jess!

WAHOO!!!!!!!

sinclair

I'm so glad for you. I will definately put that saying in my pocket. But I have a question, are you divorced/separated? Why does he have the kid(s)? How do you deal with no money for food if there are kids involved? In any event it sounds like you have some great boundaries and I hope to learn from you.

JessicaNAJ

We are seperated...but not legally. He's been out of the house for a year. I asked him to move out b/c I was miserable. This was the only way,for me, to grow. The arrangement was, I work on me, he work on him, and THEN we can work on us. Obvisouly, he is still working on him.

I have the kids. The only thing I ask him to pay, since I can't get money out of him, is to pay the sitter.

He picks them up in the morning but he does not keep them during the day or on the weekends. I found him passed out in his apartment with our three year old, an empty bottle of vodka on his passengers seat and he didn't pick up our son from school. Since I cannot trust him to be responsible with our kids, he cannot keep them for an extended period of time. He's working on that though....

cwohio

jess - thanks but i don't feel like i am doing awesome. one day at a time!