elizabeth1979

Hi everyone, I need some advice. I ended things with my SO last night as he was supposed to be sentenced today. I had the date wrong, its actually tomorrow. But, I was calm and nice and just told him I was not prepared to go any further in this relationsip and had gone as far as I was prepared to go and it needed to be over for me. I said I needed to stop being responsible for him, and I wanted to take care of myself and the best way for meto do it was to end the relationship. Well, we cried and hugged and I thought he understood that it was over. Now he says he won't allow it to be over and will not leave me. What am I to do? I still love him very much but can not be with him. Can someone just give me permission to not accept his collect calls from jail starting tomorrow and tell me how to love without strings tonight on his last night of freedom? This sucks!

Sarah

escape artist

you can give yourself permission to not answer the collect call. you can tell yourself "this too shall pass", and disconnect your phone. go do something for yourself, something that makes you feel good just for you. maybe buy yourself a gift that signifies the wonderful beginning of your new path and your new life. you can do it-tell yourself it is your compassion for him which will allow you to not interfere with his path he is about to go on. Peace be with you!

gelfling

Good idea from Day about changing your number. But the thing you need to change is yourself. Accepting his calls from jail gives him permission to control you and your life. He won't let you go....Unless you let him keep you bound to him, he can't do a thing about you getting a life without him. He's in jail.

Please find some alanon meetings. Counselling might be a thought too.

Good luck

walkingtheline

Permission comes from within.

However, if you need a "back up", you can call your telephone company and have collect calls blocked. Here, at least, that's a free option. Anyone calling collect simply gets a generic message that says something like "the number you are calling does not accept collect calls". There may be days in the future that you're own resolve might be soft and simply making that change would protect you. And of course, should you change your mind, you can always remove the block.

Just food for thought.

elizabeth1979

I have called QWest and had the collect calling feature blocked so thats a start, and thanks for the idea. I just spoke to him and he called me a ****, and "wishes he would have F*&#ed my best friend instead of me, bc at least she's hot." I dont think I will have any more trouble blocking his calls...SOB.

gelfling

Hot damn...you go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

siren

Are you at all worried he might be violent to you when he gets out? If you are, you could get a second line, tell all your friends to call you on the new number and set up an answering machine for the old #. You just don't answer that phone, and the operator will always get a machine. Then he doesn't KNOW that you have changed numbers (furthering his anger). Just a thought. Good luck to you, hang in there.

nocellphone

Jay-sus!!! All you did was set a healthy boundary, fer chrissakes!

I hope you won't buy into his bull$hit and that you'll be able to let those angry words slide off, 'cos you did absolutely nothing to deserve them (my guess is they'll end up on his lengthy list of regrets). Bravo for being good to you!!!

It's amazing how a sick person will try to make us feel guilty for taking care of ourselves...

Stay close to your supports, whether they're in Al-Anon meetings, here, or wherever you have them. Remember that feelings pass and new ones take their place...