ARW

I went to my first AA (As Bill Sees It) meeting in 6 months last night. My first round of AA was court mandated as a result of DUI. I didn't take it seriously and just played the game for the sake of graduating from ASAP. But I'm back now and want to get help. Last nights meeting really hit at me. The lonliness and fears that I never recognized finally came into focus. However, I feel weird admitting I'm alcoholic in front of strangers. I've admitted it to my family and myself but in fron of strangers is a different matter altogether. Will this apprehension/shyness pass? Also, how do I get started in the 12 steps? Should I attend a 12 step AA meeting and begin that way?

Time2Surrender

Thats great ARW.The shyness will pass.As for the steps,I would get a sponsor ASAP.Your sponsor will help you with the steps.Step study meetings are good too.A few other suggestions are:go early,stay late.This is how you get to know other members.Going out for coffee etc after meetings.Also service work.Show up early and help set up the meeting or stay and help clean up.I also like getting involved with activies.Campouts,dances,picnics,bowling whatever.

TracyAgain

Reminds me of the story of a pilot. He was addressing passengers over the PA and said, "My name is ___ and I'm an alcoholic" instead of "and I'm your pilot today." It gets to be automatic, you don't even think about it.

AA has a one-on-one tradition. You ask someone to be your sponsor, someone at meetings whose sobriety appeals to you. That person would guide you through the steps.

Welcome to SR. Glad your here.

Tracy

Dan

Well, a big hand to you for going back to a meeting ARW!
I've seen men and women attend meetings for months before they actually qualified themselves as alcoholics in the rooms.
I've also seen those like me, who had no qualms at all doing it the first time.
It's a personal thing.
As it should be.

A sponsor is an invaluable thing. I'm convinced non alcoholics would benefit from the program of AA, and the relationship that can be developed with a sponsor.
So, even more so for us alcoholics.
As you get to know your peers in the rooms, some of them will clearly jump out at you, with their demeanor, their general look of contentment, or even simply the way they smile when they listen to other people share...
Again, it's a personal thing.
As it should be.

Wood Faerie

You also might try looking for a newcomers meeting. I felt a little better standing up admitting I was in my first 30 days when there were others doing the same. Also, experienced members attend the meeting to be of service by offering themselves as sponsors or temporary sponsors, as well as sharing how it was for them in the beginning and how their lives have changed since. At some of these meetings you can write your name and phone number on a slip of paper and they will assign you a temporary sponsor if you prefer. Ideally, you will hear someone that you really identify with or admire, and you can approach them after the meeting and ask them to be your sponsor.

Good for you, and keep coming back!

Stephanie

Hi ARW,

The best way to work the steps is with a sponsor. They will probably tell you not to worry so much about the steps right now but to just get to some meetings, listen and share. Meetings are so much better when we make the choice to go and get help.

Chy

I'd suggest the newcomers meeting to. Take it slow, when your ready, you'll be able to say what you need to, no rush on the sponsor, find someone you can identify with but maybe not relate to, if that makes sense. Easy does it as they say!

jlo34

ARW,
Congratulations on your first non-appointed meeting!! People wonder sometimes why we "allow" court ordered people into meetings; exactly for this reason. If they choose not to want it when they are ordered to go; the seed has been planted and they know where to come when they want help.

As far as the shyness; yep, it passes. A lot of good suggestions already put out there: go early (help set up), stay late (help clean up), go for coffee after the meeting with others, even if you have a license ask someone for rides. Find a home group; a place where you feel "at home" and sign the book with your name and sobriety date and they'll be sure to get you involved in the meetings and service work!! Attend your home group's business meetings. Put yourself out there, I know it's scary, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.

As far as step work and sponsorship: the people I have seen grow the most and the most quickly are those who get a sponsor relatively quickly and start working the steps. If you don't see a particular person(s) that you want as a permanent sponsor; ask someone to be your temporary sponsor. A sponsor should be a person with a year or more sober that works the steps and has a good foundation. How do you know?!? Look in their eyes. The winners are identified by their eyes and their smiles. You'll know when you see it. 12&12 tables are great to go to. The Big Book also goes through the steps. I have heard (myself included) who had a hard time reading the Big Book in the early days: my suggestion (from others, of course) take a highlighter and go through the first 164 pages: highlight each step. Next re-read the book and highlight the prayers. By then, you will be familiar enough with the book that it will be easier to read (worked for me!!). There are also Big Book studies which talk about the steps as well; they are great to go to.

ARW, sounds like you're on the right path. Keep it up!!!

Jen

ARW

Thanks for all your suggestions. I feel reasonably comfortable at the group I attended. Most of the same faces are still there. Some young, some old, and some in-betweeen like me. :-) That seem like a really tight nit group which is very appealing. I wish it was more than once a week!!!! They do have a study group on another night though.

NoMoBeer

Right on ARW!
The shyness will pass, I'm sure. You admitted your alcoholism to the most important person -- you (to thine own self be true). It will come in time, very weird to say at first, but for me it helps remind me. Also, you are among other alcoholics who have been there and done that. It's funny, in AA meetings we all have that common bond -- I know I didn't walk in there because of the good coffee!

Everyone else has said it, find a newcomer's meeting perhaps, get a sponsor (or even a temporary one), read the Big Book. The most important thing is don't drink, one day at a time.

Welcome to SR and to AA!

Ken