A very sad day...:(
Ugh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Enchanted Elmoland
Posts: 180
A very sad day...:(
Sorry in advance for my jumbled post here, I'm pretty upset...
It is hard for me to post right now, yesterday hubby and I lost a very good freind, he was only 40. Someone we have over at least once a week, hang out with I and have confided in for a very long time.
Hubby is of course extremely upset as am I, obviously we handle things differently. I unfortunately have lost many that I love, and have a very strong belief system that the ah doesn't have, due to that loss am more able to give comfort.
I made the mistake of saying, "I realize this is how you handle things (drinking)" and he took that as drink all you want, you need to. I'm not sure if I should have pushed the issue. He went out drinking the night before, him and his freind's usual night to go out, friend was on life-support at the time and had slipped into a coma, they felt they should honor him by going I suppose. Anyway, he drank a lot. Next day, when we got the news he started drinking again. My reaction was to comfort him, he just lost one of his best friends (mine too for that matter, freind wasn't a drinker) AH started getting slurrey and states, "if you were on life support, I would never leave you", I respond by saying, in so many words that it doesn't matter cuz I'm leaving due to his constant poisoning himself. Which is HIS choice to do. It just came out. He then blamed his drinking on me due to my comment of how he handles things. Ended up being quite the arguement.
He's saying now he is only going to drink once a week from now on. And I say I realize how that is what he wants, but it isn't possible. He seems to think he's got the controls, I explain to him why he doesn't. I'm not sure how to handle an AH in mourning......any advice???? I don't want him to kill himself drinking.
I will miss my buddy terribly, he was someone that I could confide in with all these issues. Someone who encouraged me to want the best for my life. Someone who took me back to church when I'd not gone really since I was a teenager. I'll miss our walks, our drives, and having him over joking around. He was a great person, and life is too short.
Hugs,
~FaithChaser
It is hard for me to post right now, yesterday hubby and I lost a very good freind, he was only 40. Someone we have over at least once a week, hang out with I and have confided in for a very long time.
Hubby is of course extremely upset as am I, obviously we handle things differently. I unfortunately have lost many that I love, and have a very strong belief system that the ah doesn't have, due to that loss am more able to give comfort.
I made the mistake of saying, "I realize this is how you handle things (drinking)" and he took that as drink all you want, you need to. I'm not sure if I should have pushed the issue. He went out drinking the night before, him and his freind's usual night to go out, friend was on life-support at the time and had slipped into a coma, they felt they should honor him by going I suppose. Anyway, he drank a lot. Next day, when we got the news he started drinking again. My reaction was to comfort him, he just lost one of his best friends (mine too for that matter, freind wasn't a drinker) AH started getting slurrey and states, "if you were on life support, I would never leave you", I respond by saying, in so many words that it doesn't matter cuz I'm leaving due to his constant poisoning himself. Which is HIS choice to do. It just came out. He then blamed his drinking on me due to my comment of how he handles things. Ended up being quite the arguement.
He's saying now he is only going to drink once a week from now on. And I say I realize how that is what he wants, but it isn't possible. He seems to think he's got the controls, I explain to him why he doesn't. I'm not sure how to handle an AH in mourning......any advice???? I don't want him to kill himself drinking.
I will miss my buddy terribly, he was someone that I could confide in with all these issues. Someone who encouraged me to want the best for my life. Someone who took me back to church when I'd not gone really since I was a teenager. I'll miss our walks, our drives, and having him over joking around. He was a great person, and life is too short.
Hugs,
~FaithChaser
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
((Faithchaser))
My personal belief is that when it's time to go, it's time. Maybe it was his time to move on. Nothing we say or do could "fix" that. God doesn't close one door without openning another. That doesn't make the pain any less, but it gives us hope that something good is about to come into our life.
No one handles pain well. We do the best we can with it. At least you can reach out and let others help you bare it. You don't have to be alone with your grief. You can heal. Hugs, Magic
My personal belief is that when it's time to go, it's time. Maybe it was his time to move on. Nothing we say or do could "fix" that. God doesn't close one door without openning another. That doesn't make the pain any less, but it gives us hope that something good is about to come into our life.
No one handles pain well. We do the best we can with it. At least you can reach out and let others help you bare it. You don't have to be alone with your grief. You can heal. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
((faithchaser)) - i only have words of comfort for your loss. my ah does not handle death well either. i am sorry you are going through this tough time. he encouraged you to take care of you - we all need to do that! chris
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 3
I'm sorry for your lost. It is my experience that if AH is an alcoholic he will use ANYTHING as an excuse for having a drink. Every practicing alcoholic has tryed to control their drinking at one time or another, but when you have to control it, it's already out of control. The clown must finish the act. Hang in there and give time, time. He will stop when he is sick of himself not when you are.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Sending big hugs your way. Stay strong and keep your boundaries with your AH. Keep in mind that you can step back from comforthing him when he starts stepping over boundaries and pointing fingers.
With love,
~Def
With love,
~Def
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 22
I am truly sorry you lost your friend!!! I know you know he has gone HOME. The last friend I lost made me really angry with myself, I was sad that he was gone and the hole in my heart seemed it would never close. then after much thought I realized this was probably the most selfish time in my life, He had gone on to a place of no pain, a place of perpetual joy, and me...I wanted him back here on earth, where he was suffering terribly. I reach out my heart to you Faith. I hope you can turn your sadness into joy realizing that your friend is at the right hand of the Father, just like he promised. REJOICE!! For he has gone home and we will all be there together one day. I will send prayers of peace for your heart. GIANT HUGS!
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