losinghope

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Well i just got back from davids house and while he was in the shower i snooped at something i shouldnt have....For his AA meetings i guess in the BIG BOOK it says something about writing down all of your Resentments towards people, well i peeked at them in the notebook and i found alot of things that hurt and i didnt like seeing...one was on his prior EX-girlfriends who he started seeing after we broke up....And he resented her for "lying, leaving him for someone else, betraying him and being fake" and My resentments from him were "nosy not-trustworthy, loving me, and manipulative (exuse the spelling). I know i shouldnt have looked at them and i feel horrible about it but i dont know what they mean. What does his resentments towards his EX mean? Does it mean that if she didnt leave him that he would still be with her and he regrets that and he still wants 2 be with her....and that he resents her because if it wasnt for her breakin up with him he wouldnt be with me?? And why does he resent me for loving him?? i can understand the nosy and un-trustworthy but the loving him?? Its driving me absolutely crazie and i wanna say something but i know he'll get mad at me and he has every right 2....but i think if he knows i looked at this it'll be over, which im not sure if i can blame it because after reading it im not sure if he even wants 2 be in this relationship....i just dont get any of it or understand....should i say sumthing 2 him about it or let it go????


p.s.... we did talk later 2night and he did tell me his resentments towards me and danielle, but he still dosent know i looked at it first. so should i still tell him i looked?? IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHIN 2 SHARE PLEASE HELP!!! IM DESPERATE!!!!!! thankx alot
megan XoOxOxXoO

Peaches04

I would not tell him you looked - right or wrong, I don't know...just my thought. And I wouldn't look anymore...I know you know it was wrong and it is absolutely a struggle for us codies, but it is not your business, and could potentially jeapordize his trust in you and his 'safe place' to document his feelings. Just recognize it was wrong, and let it go. He will share with you when the time is right for him... You can't force things like this. It is either meant to be, or not - and snooping is never good for us...and this is exactly why. Now you are all upset and bothered and projecting what he may or may not have meant by that. It's tough not to do, believe me...but, in the end - it's just much more stress for you, really. Hang in there!

TinyVoice

Peaches said it well. I would not tell him. Do not confess at this time. But learn from this. Snooping in his book was wrong. That is his private place. I think it's awesome that he talked it out with you. Shows he is an up front guy. Don't obsess over what he did mean or didn't. Again..>I agree with Peaches. And a lot of journaling is figuring out just what you are feeling. So it may not be how he actually feels. He may be working through some stuff. Maybe he isn't ready for you to love him yet. He's just not ready? He's afraid of hurting you? Love is a pretty serious committment. Anyway, don't fret. Enjoy your relationship. Be healthy and don't snoop.

losinghope

Thankx guys but he knows i went through it...he saw the notebook and it wasnt in the exact place...it was an inch off and HE KNEW! do you have any idea how horrible i feel....at first when he asked me if i read it i denied....then i hate LYING and i said OMG yeah i read it....i dont know why but i did, and he was like how could you, this is sumthing you dont read...he said he was disgusted with me and didnt wanna talk bout it....and i cant say that i blame him and he has every reason 2 be mad at me....but i love him so much and how could i be so stupid 2 read something that is so important 2 him and jepordize our relationship? WHO DOES THIS STUFF? i know better and i still continue 2 go through his things for no reason.....what i do know is that im gonna work on NOT being so damn nosy and having a little more trust in him, and hopefully he finds it in his heart 2 someday forgive me and talk 2 me about everything....and TINYVOICE you r right bout "And a lot of journaling is figuring out just what you are feeling. So it may not be how he actually feels" thats what he told me he said at the time he just wrote stuff down....anyhow im off 2 bed thankx for the adviCe <3 ya guys
megan..

JT

If anyone read my journals it would be only part of the picture. But I am sure there would be hurt feelings.

Oh and another thing? I don't leave it laying around. One of his resentments of you was that you are "nosy"?? What was he thinking?? Ask him to put it away...and then DON'T go looking for it.

JT

losinghope

I think he figured he could trust me 2 leave it out....that i loved and respected him and he asked me not 2 look at it and i told him i wouldnt and i still did! So not only did i hurt him but i lost all trust he had in me and honestly it wasnt worth it....the only thing im really afraid of is that now that i know alot of stuff like his resentments and how hurt he is right now...im afraid hes gonna do sumthing stupid 2 make me mad or hurt me.....i know david and i know hes not that stupid, but becauses hes hurting and he feels like i just betrayed him he might do something thinkin OH well, she dont care about me anyhow so im gonna do whatever......but i dont know hopefully it'll work out. thankx 4 everything
<3