gutfull

I'm divorced from an alcoholic now for 4 months. Married to him for 15 years and went through some horrible stuff. After being married for 5 years he was accidentally shot and left paraylzed from the waist down. He had always drank alot and it just got worse after the accident. So verbally abusive I couldn't take it anymore and filed for a divorce. I feel so bad or maybe sorry for him because of the situation but think to myself I probably would of stayed even if he wasn't paraylzed all those years. He always made excuses and made me feel like it was my fault because I bitched to much so he drank to much....I'm sure alot of you have heard the same line before! Anyways I was searching for a group and found this forum and thought I would give it a try. We have 2 children sixteen and thirteen...it has been really hard on the boy thats thirteen to watch his dad be a drunk....not really sure what I'm lookin for on here but thought maybe someone would understand what I was going through and have advice for me...

cwohio

gut - welcome and read everything you can on this site. there is lots of good info and wise folks that will listen and relate to what you are feeling. we all know what it's like to feel the way you do. i have been married to my ah for 14 years and just in the past 6 months found my way to this site, al-anon and therapy to help myself. look into al-anon and alateen for you and your kids. let them get help early on and stop the cycle.

come back often - hugs - cwohio

Dee at Mt Bully

Gut-We all come here for very simular reasons. I definitly think you will find help
and comfort and support here. Sounds like you really need to focus on yourself and
your children. It isn't easy to regain ones self after living with someone who is verbally
abusive. I know I've been there and I'm just starting to take that walk. I'm sure
we will share a lot on our journey. Welcome--Smiles--Dee

gutfull

Thanks so much for the quick replys. I have been reading alot of the threads and alot of it I recognize from my own life. I find myself thinking I'm reading about me and things that have happend in my life. I get so confused at times and want to help him fix the problem but I know that I cant fix him only myself and help our children. This is going to be a really good place to talk and find people that relate to whats going on around me. Thanks again for all the replys.

wraybear

Gutfull, you have definitely found some people who understand. We have all been through varying degrees of things, but most of us understand what it is like to live with an A. My husband of 16 years is disabled too. Not to the extent of yours, but was in an auto accident three years ago and had our 2 and almost 5 year old with him. He was drunk. He almost died and was in the hospital for 2 1/2 months. His current problem is hip related, and may never be able to get a new hip. My 8 year old (now) was in the hospital for 13 days with lacerated liver, spinal fracture and intestinal damage. The baby wasn't injured, thank God.

I wonder all the time why I stayed with him after this. And, he still binge drinks, and caught him driving with the kids in the car again about 10 weeks ago. It is MY responsibility to take care of these children. I am the only one capable of it. So, i MUST do it. That makes me so sad that I can trust strangers with my children and can't even trust their own dad.

I have two older children from a previous marriage, they are now 20 and 18 and I will tell you, total HONESTY, making sure they realize this isn't THEIR fault is key. And they are both old enough for Alateen. I didn't realize how much, especially the now 18 year old, blamed herself for my husbands drinking problem and all the other problems in the house, like me acting like a crazy woman sometimes, because I was so caught up in HIS problem.

i hope you can find the strength soon to realize their is NOTHING you can do for your husband. But you do have control of yourself and somewhat your kids. Take control back, and do what it right for your family. If he eventually can jump on board and be part of the family, great. Many people on here will tell you that doesn't happen often. But, only you can to decide if you are ready to give up hope or not.

Many of us wish that man we married would come back. But, realistically, what are the odds of that?

Take some time to think about your needs and those of your children and then you will be able to make decisions in a confident manner.

Keep coming back! I hope you have a peaceful night tonight!