Weekenders-Learning to cope, 26 - 29 January 2024
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,707
Weekenders-Learning to cope, 26 - 29 January 2024
Weekenders-Learning to cope, 26 - 29 January 2024
I’m a born worrier! I’ve got much better since being sober though. I’m learning to ‘take things in my stride’ as my mum used to say.
This week the old stress and worry has come to the forefront since Mr. Mags has an appointment with the specialist. My mind raced off on a dreadful journey of ‘what ifs’ negative talk instead of taking it in my stride….or even baby steps.
~~~
I came across another of Weasel’s post which I thought was most helpful. I hope you enjoy his post as much as I did:
I was reading that good coping skills include:
1- Learning to reduce stress and relax.
2- Learn to treat yourself good and take care of yourself.
3- Let go of my negative thinking and replace it with a healthier approach.
I thought to myself well that sounds like a really great thing to do…. But then I thought more, as I normally do…. And I realized something really important.
I think I know more about the solution than I do the problem.
I was thinking I don't have a lot of stress. I am a laid back guy I must be relaxed. I lost ten pounds, so I take care of myself. I am successful professionally so how can I think negatively.
So I have been practicing this week. And low and behold!!!!
Stress for me is any worry and anxiety over drinking. Or shame about the past. Or loneliness for today. Or even sadness about being lonely. Hmmm I am stressed!
Yes, I eat good and exercise. But I don't seem to be nurturing the parts that need mending. Getting out and trying new things. Trying to meet new sober people is also trying to take care of myself. I need some work.
Negative self talk!!!! Bingo! My father called me a worthless piece of sheet everyday from age 5 until a full grown adult. Among other things. That can take a big toll.
So I listened to myself and holy cow I babble garbage in my ear many many times a day. So I have identified the single most important thing I need to cope with sober living. Negative self talk.
My drunk mind never talked smack about me. He was the smart, funny, fast joker.
Why such a serious weekender thread? It's not. Let's have fun. But maybe let's share about how to cope. What things cause your AV to stand up and how do you make him or her sit right back down.
I’m a born worrier! I’ve got much better since being sober though. I’m learning to ‘take things in my stride’ as my mum used to say.
This week the old stress and worry has come to the forefront since Mr. Mags has an appointment with the specialist. My mind raced off on a dreadful journey of ‘what ifs’ negative talk instead of taking it in my stride….or even baby steps.
~~~
I came across another of Weasel’s post which I thought was most helpful. I hope you enjoy his post as much as I did:
I was reading that good coping skills include:
1- Learning to reduce stress and relax.
2- Learn to treat yourself good and take care of yourself.
3- Let go of my negative thinking and replace it with a healthier approach.
I thought to myself well that sounds like a really great thing to do…. But then I thought more, as I normally do…. And I realized something really important.
I think I know more about the solution than I do the problem.
I was thinking I don't have a lot of stress. I am a laid back guy I must be relaxed. I lost ten pounds, so I take care of myself. I am successful professionally so how can I think negatively.
So I have been practicing this week. And low and behold!!!!
Stress for me is any worry and anxiety over drinking. Or shame about the past. Or loneliness for today. Or even sadness about being lonely. Hmmm I am stressed!
Yes, I eat good and exercise. But I don't seem to be nurturing the parts that need mending. Getting out and trying new things. Trying to meet new sober people is also trying to take care of myself. I need some work.
Negative self talk!!!! Bingo! My father called me a worthless piece of sheet everyday from age 5 until a full grown adult. Among other things. That can take a big toll.
So I listened to myself and holy cow I babble garbage in my ear many many times a day. So I have identified the single most important thing I need to cope with sober living. Negative self talk.
My drunk mind never talked smack about me. He was the smart, funny, fast joker.
Why such a serious weekender thread? It's not. Let's have fun. But maybe let's share about how to cope. What things cause your AV to stand up and how do you make him or her sit right back down.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,798
I was at the store this afternoon and on impulse, bought two small bouquets, one mini carnations, one snapdragons. Bought a nice all purpose vase too. Got home and cut the stems so they'd fit in the vase better. Put some water in the vase, along with the flower freshener powder that makes cut flowers last longer, and then the flowers. 
They looked really nice. Then Billie and I walked over to ck's house and left them in front of their door. They're still not home but will be surprised when they get home and see the bag in front of their door with flowers sticking out of the top.
Going to make some supper in a minute and then feed the critters, then clean out the litter box and dust mop the floors. Too late to do the vacuuming, too much noise. Will do it tomorrow.
No supper yet, but the critters are fed, the litter box clean, and the floors dust mopped.
Ck texted me why the flowers? I said, "just because".
So glad I'm sober these days. Makes my life so much simpler. I have the energy and ambition to keep my place clean and take good care of my critters. No more time and money wasted.
Got up to do something and forgot I hadn't finished this post.
I walked 4,500 steps, just over 2 miles. Billie walked about half of that, cause my first walking was to the salon for my haircut.
I am anxiously awaiting the 30th, cause that's the day that Lily (cat) and Billie (not a cat but likes them) get their teeth cleaned at the vet. Billie had her teeth cleaned over a year ago, and there were six that had to be pulled. 
I've been brushing her teeth after breakfast and supper, and last time the vet saw her he said they looked pretty good. I'm hoping she won't need to have any pulled. Vet looked at Lily's teeth two months ago when she was in for shots and he said they didn't look too bad. I told him I use that dental water additive, supposed to change the pH of their saliva so the plaque and tartar can't form as easily. Seems to be helping if Lily's teeth looked ok. I cannot brush her teeth. She turns into a tiger and forgets how much she loves me when she's trying to get away... I have to wrap her in a towel to give her a pill...
Franny's not having her teeth cleaned cause she only has 6 or 7 teeth left. I got her on Christmas Day in 2015. She was a rescue from Utah, brought to Ohio. Ended up with me. Took her to the vet and told him, she had the most god-awful farts!! And she was a lap cat too, so couldn't escape the odor. When the vet saw her he said her teeth were so bad and most of them had to be pulled. Said a couple teeth/gums in her mouth had an infection so she got antiB's. I noticed a month or so after she was off the meds and back to normal, that now she didn't have those awful farts anymore. Vet said it was the rotten teeth and infections that made her flatulence so stinky. After she was well again, nevermore that stink.
Just Lily and Billie. I will call a Lyft to take us there cause it's so early in the day, 7 am. When they're ready to come home I will walk down there and call a Lyft to bring us all home. Don't want Billie walking when she's still woozy from the anesthetic. So I'll walk down and we'll ride home. Not an expensive ride since it's barely over a mile from my place, and a nice walk for me and Billie when she has a routine appt.
Peke, the Postimages is the site I use cause it's free and it's easy for me. I'm kind of a technophobe, not afraid of it, but afraid of getting somewhere I didn't want to go and not being able to get back to my original page. I'm lucky that ck is a computer/phone whiz and her hubby works in R&D at Apple, so between the two of them, my computer or phone problems are simple to resolve.
Billie is resting after a delicious supper, with the bonus of half a hard boiled egg - one of her favorite foods. Saw a lady and her middle age son at the store today. She stopped me after we came in and asked if she could pet my dog. I said, that's Billie, she turned 10 this month, and she loves everybody she meets. She said Billie looked so healthy and fit, she thought Billie was a lot younger. I said I'm keeping her as healthy as I can so she'll have a long happy life with me. I'd be delighted if she lived to be 18. I'd be 80 then. We'd be two old ladies living together in the big city!
They looked really nice. Then Billie and I walked over to ck's house and left them in front of their door. They're still not home but will be surprised when they get home and see the bag in front of their door with flowers sticking out of the top. Going to make some supper in a minute and then feed the critters, then clean out the litter box and dust mop the floors. Too late to do the vacuuming, too much noise. Will do it tomorrow.
No supper yet, but the critters are fed, the litter box clean, and the floors dust mopped.
Ck texted me why the flowers? I said, "just because".
So glad I'm sober these days.
Makes my life so much simpler. I have the energy and ambition to keep my place clean and take good care of my critters. No more time and money wasted. Got up to do something and forgot I hadn't finished this post.
I walked 4,500 steps, just over 2 miles.
Billie walked about half of that, cause my first walking was to the salon for my haircut. I am anxiously awaiting the 30th, cause that's the day that Lily (cat) and Billie (not a cat but likes them) get their teeth cleaned at the vet.
Billie had her teeth cleaned over a year ago, and there were six that had to be pulled. 
I've been brushing her teeth after breakfast and supper, and last time the vet saw her he said they looked pretty good. I'm hoping she won't need to have any pulled. Vet looked at Lily's teeth two months ago when she was in for shots and he said they didn't look too bad. I told him I use that dental water additive, supposed to change the pH of their saliva so the plaque and tartar can't form as easily. Seems to be helping if Lily's teeth looked ok. I cannot brush her teeth. She turns into a tiger and forgets how much she loves me when she's trying to get away... I have to wrap her in a towel to give her a pill...Franny's not having her teeth cleaned cause she only has 6 or 7 teeth left. I got her on Christmas Day in 2015. She was a rescue from Utah, brought to Ohio. Ended up with me. Took her to the vet and told him, she had the most god-awful farts!!
And she was a lap cat too, so couldn't escape the odor. When the vet saw her he said her teeth were so bad and most of them had to be pulled. Said a couple teeth/gums in her mouth had an infection so she got antiB's. I noticed a month or so after she was off the meds and back to normal, that now she didn't have those awful farts anymore. Vet said it was the rotten teeth and infections that made her flatulence so stinky. After she was well again, nevermore that stink. Just Lily and Billie. I will call a Lyft to take us there cause it's so early in the day, 7 am. When they're ready to come home I will walk down there and call a Lyft to bring us all home. Don't want Billie walking when she's still woozy from the anesthetic. So I'll walk down and we'll ride home.
Not an expensive ride since it's barely over a mile from my place, and a nice walk for me and Billie when she has a routine appt.Peke, the Postimages is the site I use cause it's free and it's easy for me. I'm kind of a technophobe, not afraid of it, but afraid of getting somewhere I didn't want to go and not being able to get back to my original page. I'm lucky that ck is a computer/phone whiz and her hubby works in R&D at Apple, so between the two of them, my computer or phone problems are simple to resolve.
Billie is resting after a delicious supper, with the bonus of half a hard boiled egg - one of her favorite foods.
Saw a lady and her middle age son at the store today. She stopped me after we came in and asked if she could pet my dog. I said, that's Billie, she turned 10 this month, and she loves everybody she meets. She said Billie looked so healthy and fit, she thought Billie was a lot younger. I said I'm keeping her as healthy as I can so she'll have a long happy life with me. I'd be delighted if she lived to be 18. I'd be 80 then. We'd be two old ladies living together in the big city! 
Congratulations on shotgun 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,806
Thanks for the thread, Mags. Great opening post.
This will be my first weekend out of the psych ward and I drank right before being admitted on December 23rd. So it's a bit like my first sober weekend even though I'm on day 34.
Plan to study a lot of maths, get some exercise, spend some time on DuoLingo, maybe attend a midday AA meeting or two. Really enjoying being free.
This will be my first weekend out of the psych ward and I drank right before being admitted on December 23rd. So it's a bit like my first sober weekend even though I'm on day 34.
Plan to study a lot of maths, get some exercise, spend some time on DuoLingo, maybe attend a midday AA meeting or two. Really enjoying being free.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,798
I had a nice post, but posted it on the old thread, not knowing Mags had started the new one. Maybe Dee can bring it here. I'd hate to lose it
Congrats on shotgun, Captain Haddock. I have been looking for my Tintin books. I don't know if they're on the shelves or still in a box. 
Only task I didn't do today was vacuuming the carpets but I can do that tomorrow.
Got a good haircut today. Makes me feel great knowing my hair is out of my eyes and ears and off my neck. My stylist is a nice lady in a SuperCuts just up the street a few blocks, only takes me 15 minutes to walk there. She gave me an excellent cut, just like the last two times. I tipped her $20 cause it was such a good cut, just like I wanted.
I have corrected, or at least, reined in, my negative self talk. I used to do it all the time. Now I only engage in that when I have some kind of crisis or harmful event happen. Then my mind goes into the "you're no good" mode. But it's easier to get out of that mindset now than it used to be. Petting my dog or taking her for a walk usually gets me into a better frame of mind. Billie is the bringer of peace and contentment. Stroking her fur does wonders for my attitude.
Today's been pretty good. Was at the store this afternoon and for the first time, took a good look at their floral section. They had some very nice flowers, bouquets, and house plants, like orchids and such. Lots of roses too. So on impulse, I got two small bouquets, and a vase to put them in. One was small red carnations, and the other was a big spray of snapdragons, pink and yellow. It looked nice all together in the vase. Billie and I walked over to ck's house and left it in front of their door. Ck was surprised and wanted to know what the flowers were for. I said - Just because I can.
Sober living is grand!!
Congrats on shotgun, Captain Haddock.
I have been looking for my Tintin books. I don't know if they're on the shelves or still in a box. Only task I didn't do today was vacuuming the carpets but I can do that tomorrow.
Got a good haircut today.
Makes me feel great knowing my hair is out of my eyes and ears and off my neck. My stylist is a nice lady in a SuperCuts just up the street a few blocks, only takes me 15 minutes to walk there. She gave me an excellent cut, just like the last two times. I tipped her $20 cause it was such a good cut, just like I wanted. I have corrected, or at least, reined in, my negative self talk. I used to do it all the time. Now I only engage in that when I have some kind of crisis or harmful event happen. Then my mind goes into the "you're no good" mode.
But it's easier to get out of that mindset now than it used to be. Petting my dog or taking her for a walk usually gets me into a better frame of mind. Billie is the bringer of peace and contentment. Stroking her fur does wonders for my attitude. Today's been pretty good.
Was at the store this afternoon and for the first time, took a good look at their floral section. They had some very nice flowers, bouquets, and house plants, like orchids and such. Lots of roses too. So on impulse, I got two small bouquets, and a vase to put them in. One was small red carnations, and the other was a big spray of snapdragons, pink and yellow. It looked nice all together in the vase. Billie and I walked over to ck's house and left it in front of their door. Ck was surprised and wanted to know what the flowers were for. I said - Just because I can. Sober living is grand!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,291
What a nice thing to do, Least - leaving flowers at someone's door. I would love to find that at my front door.
FF- I'm so happy to hear you're doing well and in the right frame of mind.
I'm also in for a sober weekend. With two !!! parties on Saturday. One is a lunch b'day party and the other an evening b'day party. They are going to have flame-dancers !
Looking forward to it and not in the least perturbed that there will be copious amounts of alcohol consumed.
I'm nearing my 100 day mark - not gonna blow that.
@CaptainHaddock , helloooo, my fellow South African.
We had such a laugh last night. Husband and I were watching Who wants to be a Millionaire. Question was: A name of someone who has been the face of a certain frozen fish product since the 60's.
I shouted out - with fanfare and conviction - "I know, Captain Haddock" !! He asked how I knew that - and I said I just knew. And I was very convincing.
The answer was wrong
So, I thought about you - and here you are
. Good to "see" you again.
FF- I'm so happy to hear you're doing well and in the right frame of mind.
I'm also in for a sober weekend. With two !!! parties on Saturday. One is a lunch b'day party and the other an evening b'day party. They are going to have flame-dancers !
Looking forward to it and not in the least perturbed that there will be copious amounts of alcohol consumed.
I'm nearing my 100 day mark - not gonna blow that.
@CaptainHaddock , helloooo, my fellow South African.
We had such a laugh last night. Husband and I were watching Who wants to be a Millionaire. Question was: A name of someone who has been the face of a certain frozen fish product since the 60's.
I shouted out - with fanfare and conviction - "I know, Captain Haddock" !! He asked how I knew that - and I said I just knew. And I was very convincing.
The answer was wrong
So, I thought about you - and here you are
. Good to "see" you again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: New England
Posts: 1,484
Thanks for the introduction to the weekend Mags1. I, like a lot of alcoholics, practice negative self talk to an extreme degree. I truly need to follow the advice in the post. Sobriety is the foundation of everything in my life. Without it the rest is not sustainable.
Pledging for today. Day 479.
Pledging for today. Day 479.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 12,519
Mags, thanks again. Good luck to Mr. Mags today
Least, what I nice thing to do for CK.
I excel in negative self talk and being a worrier. Heck, Mr. A says if there is nothing to worry about I will make something up to worry about. Not so sure about that though..hmmm
I have some upcoming appointments where I am getting amped up anxiety wise so I am trying to keep busy with my hobby to keep my mind busy and active vs the "escape" with the poison which is not an escape at all. Also despite the cold wet snow / rain go on some walks..I am such an outdoor person I need that fresh air.
Least, what I nice thing to do for CK.
I excel in negative self talk and being a worrier. Heck, Mr. A says if there is nothing to worry about I will make something up to worry about. Not so sure about that though..hmmm
I have some upcoming appointments where I am getting amped up anxiety wise so I am trying to keep busy with my hobby to keep my mind busy and active vs the "escape" with the poison which is not an escape at all. Also despite the cold wet snow / rain go on some walks..I am such an outdoor person I need that fresh air.
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,707
Good to see you Ayers :wave! Enjoy the birthday parties. Flame Dancers. Oooh! Runner congratulations on 479 days! 
Hi and Thanks Alpine! All went well with Mr. Mags appointment thankfully. I hope you can take your mind off the appointments with your hobbies.
Hi and Thanks Alpine! All went well with Mr. Mags appointment thankfully. I hope you can take your mind off the appointments with your hobbies.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
I'm IN! Thanks, Mags.
I think the answer is the Gorton's Fisherman.
I am great at negative self-talk. I won't go into details of why (long story, too long to type and too much information), but yesterday was a day full of stinkin' thinkin'. I really beat myself up good. It's all about things in the past, and there's not a thing I can change about any of it, but I really went down a rabbit hole of blaming myself for something that others played a distinct role in. It all centers around my adopted father's death almost 6 years ago, and how I didn't show up for him much in the couple of years before he died. I was in self-preservation mode, and I regret that I took it to the extreme that I did. I'd apologize to him if I could. Anyway, I had a bad day, and I need to remember that beating myself up is dangerous to my sobriety. So this thread is very very timely for me, and I appreciate the reminder to take better care of myself mentally and emotionally.
I think the answer is the Gorton's Fisherman.
I am great at negative self-talk. I won't go into details of why (long story, too long to type and too much information), but yesterday was a day full of stinkin' thinkin'. I really beat myself up good. It's all about things in the past, and there's not a thing I can change about any of it, but I really went down a rabbit hole of blaming myself for something that others played a distinct role in. It all centers around my adopted father's death almost 6 years ago, and how I didn't show up for him much in the couple of years before he died. I was in self-preservation mode, and I regret that I took it to the extreme that I did. I'd apologize to him if I could. Anyway, I had a bad day, and I need to remember that beating myself up is dangerous to my sobriety. So this thread is very very timely for me, and I appreciate the reminder to take better care of myself mentally and emotionally.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,381
Morning Mags!
Great opening post! Sending Mr. Mags wishes of good luck. Please let us know how things go.
Had a great 21 mile bike ride last evening with my club and 1200 ft of climbing. Felt anxious this morning, so I did some core.
Alpine- I feel you! Chronic worrier here. Complete with negative self-talk. I’m glad you go out into the air. It truly does help, I hope that your appointments go well. Sending you positive energy. It was dark and rainy last night but it felt so good to ride.
MLD- thank you for sharing this, I had a similar situation when my father passed. Please don’t beat yourself up, Your father understood. You must believe that.
Let’s try to combat every negative thought that we have today with a positive one (or at least a neutral one).
Hi Least! I’m glad that Franny +Billie are getting their dentals. Two of my dogs are due for theirs as well. It’s always so costly. 😞
Hi DD and Bimini!
Morning FF!! Good to see you here.
Mags:
“Negative self talk!!!! Bingo! My father called me a worthless piece of sheet everyday from age 5 until a full grown adult. Among other things. That can take a big toll.”
This hit hard! I can so relate. Sounds like my mom.
Today is half a month for me.
Great opening post! Sending Mr. Mags wishes of good luck. Please let us know how things go.
Had a great 21 mile bike ride last evening with my club and 1200 ft of climbing. Felt anxious this morning, so I did some core.
Alpine- I feel you! Chronic worrier here. Complete with negative self-talk. I’m glad you go out into the air. It truly does help, I hope that your appointments go well. Sending you positive energy. It was dark and rainy last night but it felt so good to ride.
MLD- thank you for sharing this, I had a similar situation when my father passed. Please don’t beat yourself up, Your father understood. You must believe that.
Let’s try to combat every negative thought that we have today with a positive one (or at least a neutral one).
Hi Least! I’m glad that Franny +Billie are getting their dentals. Two of my dogs are due for theirs as well. It’s always so costly. 😞
Hi DD and Bimini!
Morning FF!! Good to see you here.
Mags:
“Negative self talk!!!! Bingo! My father called me a worthless piece of sheet everyday from age 5 until a full grown adult. Among other things. That can take a big toll.”
This hit hard! I can so relate. Sounds like my mom.
Today is half a month for me.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Peke, he didn't understand, not at all, and was probably angry with me until he passed. I knew he was angry, and that's part of why I shied away from contacting and visiting him. Newly sober me could not handle it. But I should have told him why I was staying away, even if it meant he got angrier for a while. I think he might have softened eventually if I told him how scared I was of his anger. I'll never know.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,381
Mags- thank you for the update about Mr. Mags! Great news.
Ayers- wow! Congrats on 100 days!! 🎈
Tools for this weekend:
Exercise of course! It feels great to be able to log into the fitness/health section of SR)
Text friends- this is important bc we are having poor weather. I won’t really hang out with anyone
Read- new book and new New Yorker to read!
Cook- meatballs for Mr Peke tonight
Clean- garage and kitchen need to be spruced up
Errands- call health insurance (new hospital bills coming what seems like daily since surgery on 12/)
Stretching and positive self-talk
Doing nice things for others: friend just had rotator cuff surgery. Drop off care package (with cozy socks!)
Check in on other friend who had back surgery too.
Ayers- wow! Congrats on 100 days!! 🎈
Tools for this weekend:
Exercise of course! It feels great to be able to log into the fitness/health section of SR)
Text friends- this is important bc we are having poor weather. I won’t really hang out with anyone
Read- new book and new New Yorker to read!
Cook- meatballs for Mr Peke tonight
Clean- garage and kitchen need to be spruced up
Errands- call health insurance (new hospital bills coming what seems like daily since surgery on 12/)
Stretching and positive self-talk
Doing nice things for others: friend just had rotator cuff surgery. Drop off care package (with cozy socks!)
Check in on other friend who had back surgery too.
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