Sad/frustrated please help
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Sad/frustrated please help
So sad.
Feeling frustrated and hopeless. I’m in a cesspool of reminders.
Why is it that when I binge drink I drunk text ppl? I’m following a TikTok person who is creating (great) sober content. She’s kind, honest and a real inspiration. She drank a lot more than I ever did. And more frequently. But she’s never drunk texted anyone or done anything “stupid”. Same with another creator on TikTok. She drank wine and vodka (!!!) every night. Never did an embarrassing thing. So Why me?
Now I get to live with my mistakes. Why me?
I was volunteering once with a guy in my bike club. I was wearing this red ball cap. My hair is long and sometimes wavy. He shouted that I looked like Forrest Gump. (Had to google it later). I didn’t think it was very funny. But I laughed because that’s how he is I guess. (However I’ll bet if some told him that his wife looked like Forrest Gump he’d punch their lights out). Fast forward to drunk me a year later. I’m wrote on a fitness app to one of our mutual friends “hey [so-and-so] called me Forrest Gump. Isn’t that mean?? And I thought we were friends. He’s a bully. Why doesn’t he go burn matches”. I deleted the message but it was too late. He saw it. He unfollowed me on strava. We’re still Facebook friends and he chat when we ride together. He still jokes with me I guess. He called me “money bags” this summer which I was like “why”. We are not rich by any means. Also I volunteer with the club for everything. He and his wife do nothing. She doesn’t work. So I guess name calling bothers me on a subconscious level??
I sent his a ***written*** apology after the drunk text. A written apology. Never heard back. Never friended me again on strava.
Now if I do something on strava with a mutual friend he won’t like their effort because they’re with *me*. At least that’s what I’m seeing. If I give a nice comment to a mutual friend (like “great ride Fred!”) they’ll write something similar and it stings. Because they used to write “nice ride Peke” to me. They’re absence is kind of glaring.
I’m so frustrated and sad. I feel like moving almost, haha.
How can I get better if I’m reminded of all of this stuff?? How do I move forward if I feel even worse about myself than normal.
And also, I should be more upset with the hell that I’ve put my husband thru. Why do I care so much about these “other” ppl? Poor guy.
Why do I drunk text weird stuff to people.??It’s never been flirtatious or anything. Just weird stuff like”you don’t respect me”.
Also, for what it’s worth, I don’t look anything like Forrest Gump. I think I’m cute.
Feeling frustrated and hopeless. I’m in a cesspool of reminders.
Why is it that when I binge drink I drunk text ppl? I’m following a TikTok person who is creating (great) sober content. She’s kind, honest and a real inspiration. She drank a lot more than I ever did. And more frequently. But she’s never drunk texted anyone or done anything “stupid”. Same with another creator on TikTok. She drank wine and vodka (!!!) every night. Never did an embarrassing thing. So Why me?
Now I get to live with my mistakes. Why me?
I was volunteering once with a guy in my bike club. I was wearing this red ball cap. My hair is long and sometimes wavy. He shouted that I looked like Forrest Gump. (Had to google it later). I didn’t think it was very funny. But I laughed because that’s how he is I guess. (However I’ll bet if some told him that his wife looked like Forrest Gump he’d punch their lights out). Fast forward to drunk me a year later. I’m wrote on a fitness app to one of our mutual friends “hey [so-and-so] called me Forrest Gump. Isn’t that mean?? And I thought we were friends. He’s a bully. Why doesn’t he go burn matches”. I deleted the message but it was too late. He saw it. He unfollowed me on strava. We’re still Facebook friends and he chat when we ride together. He still jokes with me I guess. He called me “money bags” this summer which I was like “why”. We are not rich by any means. Also I volunteer with the club for everything. He and his wife do nothing. She doesn’t work. So I guess name calling bothers me on a subconscious level??
I sent his a ***written*** apology after the drunk text. A written apology. Never heard back. Never friended me again on strava.
Now if I do something on strava with a mutual friend he won’t like their effort because they’re with *me*. At least that’s what I’m seeing. If I give a nice comment to a mutual friend (like “great ride Fred!”) they’ll write something similar and it stings. Because they used to write “nice ride Peke” to me. They’re absence is kind of glaring.
I’m so frustrated and sad. I feel like moving almost, haha.
How can I get better if I’m reminded of all of this stuff?? How do I move forward if I feel even worse about myself than normal.
And also, I should be more upset with the hell that I’ve put my husband thru. Why do I care so much about these “other” ppl? Poor guy.
Why do I drunk text weird stuff to people.??It’s never been flirtatious or anything. Just weird stuff like”you don’t respect me”.
Also, for what it’s worth, I don’t look anything like Forrest Gump. I think I’m cute.
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Originally Posted by venuscat 
Peke, honey, all of us did things that we were not proud of when we drank.
But we made the decision to stop drinking and in time we were able to forgive ourselves.
s
But we made the decision to stop drinking and in time we were able to forgive ourselves.
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I've done lots of things I regret drunk Peke.
I bet this TikTokker has too, and a lot of FBers, Redditors etc etc
Its part and parcel of being an alcoholic.
But...I have to remember and appreciate I've done lots of good things sober.
I can't change the things that happened then but they invade my thoughts less and less every sober year.
That was then - this is now.
I cant change the past anymore than you can - but I can live in my present and make plans for my future.
I really hope you'll decide to do that too
D
I bet this TikTokker has too, and a lot of FBers, Redditors etc etc
Its part and parcel of being an alcoholic.
But...I have to remember and appreciate I've done lots of good things sober.
I can't change the things that happened then but they invade my thoughts less and less every sober year.
That was then - this is now.
I cant change the past anymore than you can - but I can live in my present and make plans for my future.
I really hope you'll decide to do that too
D
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I know I simplified things, and I know you are upset right now. But you are upset about an issue that you already dealt with; you were doing better with that annoying guy. I think that drinking again over the past few days made it all feel worse, hey?
You will be able to move past these kinds of slights when you feel a bit stronger.
Hopefully this month will be your best yet, with your husband's support. xx
I think that drinking again over the past few days made it all feel worse, hey? You will be able to move past these kinds of slights when you feel a bit stronger.
Hopefully this month will be your best yet, with your husband's support. xx
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Originally Posted by venuscat
I know I simplified things, and I know you are upset right now. But you are upset about an issue that you already dealt with; you were doing better with that annoying guy. I think that drinking again over the past few days made it all feel worse, hey?
You will be able to move past these kinds of slights when you feel a bit stronger.
Hopefully this month will be your best yet, with your husband's support. xx
I think that drinking again over the past few days made it all feel worse, hey? You will be able to move past these kinds of slights when you feel a bit stronger.
Hopefully this month will be your best yet, with your husband's support. xx
Yes! Drinking has made me feel worse!
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I've done lots of things I regret drunk Peke.
I bet this TikTokker has too, and a lot of FBers, Redditors etc etc
Its part and parcel of being an alcoholic.
But...I have to remember and appreciate I've done lots of good things sober.
I can't change the things that happened then but they invade my thoughts less and less every sober year.
That was then - this is now.
I cant change the past anymore than you can - but I can live in my present and make plans for my future.
I really hope you'll decide to do that too
D
I bet this TikTokker has too, and a lot of FBers, Redditors etc etc
Its part and parcel of being an alcoholic.
But...I have to remember and appreciate I've done lots of good things sober.
I can't change the things that happened then but they invade my thoughts less and less every sober year.
That was then - this is now.
I cant change the past anymore than you can - but I can live in my present and make plans for my future.
I really hope you'll decide to do that too
D
I love that line, Dee!! Thank you!! ❤️
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Join Date: Nov 2023
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Hey Peke,
Omg I have done SO much weird commentary/messaging/texting when I’m drunk, I have embarrassed myself to death. In the end I had to completely come off all social media just in case!! Now I only have YouTube and Whatsapp. But I have still messed up on those when drunk.
You can rebuild your confidence. Stop the drink. Over time you’ll let go of caring about that bloke you went cycling with (although I genuinely think he isn’t calling you names maliciously, I think he is trying to be playful! Like matey banter. I sometimes try and playfully name-call too. Most of the time people know I am trying to get a laugh off them, but some people are very unimpressed and think I am being mean, which I’m not).
The only way to guarantee weird, drunk texting/posting…. Is to not drink. Dee once wrote somewhere that avoiding embarrassment is a big source of motivation for not drinking (or words to that effect) and it’s extremely true for me. More embarrassment = complete erosion of self-esteem. And it never clears off until you bury the booze.
xxx be kind to yourself.
Omg I have done SO much weird commentary/messaging/texting when I’m drunk, I have embarrassed myself to death. In the end I had to completely come off all social media just in case!! Now I only have YouTube and Whatsapp. But I have still messed up on those when drunk.
You can rebuild your confidence. Stop the drink. Over time you’ll let go of caring about that bloke you went cycling with (although I genuinely think he isn’t calling you names maliciously, I think he is trying to be playful! Like matey banter. I sometimes try and playfully name-call too. Most of the time people know I am trying to get a laugh off them, but some people are very unimpressed and think I am being mean, which I’m not).
The only way to guarantee weird, drunk texting/posting…. Is to not drink. Dee once wrote somewhere that avoiding embarrassment is a big source of motivation for not drinking (or words to that effect) and it’s extremely true for me. More embarrassment = complete erosion of self-esteem. And it never clears off until you bury the booze.
xxx be kind to yourself.
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Location: NSW - Australia
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Why not you Peke?
You are not alone in this sort of behaviour. Many of us have done similar, the same.
For me, I think it stems from childhood abuse. Unable to express my rage. Humiliation.
Finished up a people pleaser .... didn't want to lose, or hurt people.
But the rage was always there Peke, Just below the surface. The rage always wants to break the surface peak, it's a natural. And in the past drinking was the only way it could find expression.
But that didn't work either. I did it in stupid ways - always gave my 'opponent' the leading hand. And sometimes they were not even opponents. It was me. It was my suspicion, my fear, my anger, from the past. My inability to resist. To say, No. to assert as adult.
So, why not you Tink? It happens.
As someone famously said, "Philosophers have hitherto interpreted the world." "The point is to change it."
The only way you are going to change the behaviour Peke, is by getting sober. At least it gives you the opportunity to change. And is what I've found for myself.
I'm not expressing myself very well Peke, but gather you get my drift. I'm learning to do this stuff too.
You are not alone in this sort of behaviour. Many of us have done similar, the same.
For me, I think it stems from childhood abuse. Unable to express my rage. Humiliation.
Finished up a people pleaser .... didn't want to lose, or hurt people.
But the rage was always there Peke, Just below the surface. The rage always wants to break the surface peak, it's a natural. And in the past drinking was the only way it could find expression.
But that didn't work either. I did it in stupid ways - always gave my 'opponent' the leading hand. And sometimes they were not even opponents. It was me. It was my suspicion, my fear, my anger, from the past. My inability to resist. To say, No. to assert as adult.
So, why not you Tink? It happens.
As someone famously said, "Philosophers have hitherto interpreted the world." "The point is to change it."
The only way you are going to change the behaviour Peke, is by getting sober. At least it gives you the opportunity to change. And is what I've found for myself.
I'm not expressing myself very well Peke, but gather you get my drift. I'm learning to do this stuff too.
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Peke, I don't think you will be able to move past this stuff until you decide to stop drinking forever. As long as you go back to drinking, this upsetting behavior will continue in your life. In my opinion, and I did lots of shameful things, I didn't have a hope of feeling better until I was firmly in recovery. You can be the person you want to be.
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Location: Alabama
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If only there was a program that dealt with resentments and forgiving oneself and others. Hmmm. I'm racking my brain. 
Keep going Peke. You are on the right track. The best views come from the hardest climbs.
Keep going Peke. You are on the right track. The best views come from the hardest climbs.
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^ What Steely said. Suppressed emotions such as: lack of being assertive in real life/ people pleasing lead to it all getting stuck inside and you feeling ‘wronged’ on a regular basis.
Drinking brings it all out. Which is maybe why you said you msg stuff like “you disrespected me” etc. You’re mad with yourself for letting people take advantage or not telling people “no” or what you really think….I was very similar when drunk. And way weirder, I’d come out with all sorts of strange stuff that only made sense to drunk me which I was always really embarrassed and the next day.
Drinking brings it all out. Which is maybe why you said you msg stuff like “you disrespected me” etc. You’re mad with yourself for letting people take advantage or not telling people “no” or what you really think….I was very similar when drunk. And way weirder, I’d come out with all sorts of strange stuff that only made sense to drunk me which I was always really embarrassed and the next day.
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Originally Posted by Steely
Why not you Peke?
You are not alone in this sort of behaviour. Many of us have done similar, the same.
For me, I think it stems from childhood abuse. Unable to express my rage. Humiliation.
Finished up a people pleaser .... didn't want to lose, or hurt people.
But the rage was always there Peke, Just below the surface. The rage always wants to break the surface peak, it's a natural. And in the past drinking was the only way it could find expression.
But that didn't work either. I did it in stupid ways - always gave my 'opponent' the leading hand. And sometimes they were not even opponents. It was me. It was my suspicion, my fear, my anger, from the past. My inability to resist. To say, No. to assert as adult.
So, why not you Tink? It happens.
As someone famously said, "Philosophers have hitherto interpreted the world." "The point is to change it."
The only way you are going to change the behaviour Peke, is by getting sober. At least it gives you the opportunity to change. And is what I've found for myself.
I'm not expressing myself very well Peke, but gather you get my drift. I'm learning to do this stuff too.
You are not alone in this sort of behaviour. Many of us have done similar, the same.
For me, I think it stems from childhood abuse. Unable to express my rage. Humiliation.
Finished up a people pleaser .... didn't want to lose, or hurt people.
But the rage was always there Peke, Just below the surface. The rage always wants to break the surface peak, it's a natural. And in the past drinking was the only way it could find expression.
But that didn't work either. I did it in stupid ways - always gave my 'opponent' the leading hand. And sometimes they were not even opponents. It was me. It was my suspicion, my fear, my anger, from the past. My inability to resist. To say, No. to assert as adult.
So, why not you Tink? It happens.
As someone famously said, "Philosophers have hitherto interpreted the world." "The point is to change it."
The only way you are going to change the behaviour Peke, is by getting sober. At least it gives you the opportunity to change. And is what I've found for myself.
I'm not expressing myself very well Peke, but gather you get my drift. I'm learning to do this stuff too.
I think that I have a lot of deep seeded frustration towards my mother. I wasn’t nurtured or soothed and it comes out from within.
I need to get sober, I really do need that.
Also if I’m being honest, I could have harmed (or even killed!!!!) someone, there are so many dui fatalities in the news.. Thank god that didn’t happen. Thank god. 🙏
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You know, the wavy hair, maybe he meant Robin Wright Penn, or whatever she goes by, and I will take that any day, she was the princess bride
Hey, we have all done silly things drinking, but so have they
Give yourself a break girl x
Hey, we have all done silly things drinking, but so have they
Give yourself a break girl x
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Originally Posted by KneePads
Hey Peke,
Omg I have done SO much weird commentary/messaging/texting when I’m drunk, I have embarrassed myself to death. In the end I had to completely come off all social media just in case!! Now I only have YouTube and Whatsapp. But I have still messed up on those when drunk.
You can rebuild your confidence. Stop the drink. Over time you’ll let go of caring about that bloke you went cycling with (although I genuinely think he isn’t calling you names maliciously, I think he is trying to be playful! Like matey banter. I sometimes try and playfully name-call too. Most of the time people know I am trying to get a laugh off them, but some people are very unimpressed and think I am being mean, which I’m not).
The only way to guarantee weird, drunk texting/posting…. Is to not drink. Dee once wrote somewhere that avoiding embarrassment is a big source of motivation for not drinking (or words to that effect) and it’s extremely true for me. More embarrassment = complete erosion of self-esteem. And it never clears off until you bury the booze.
xxx be kind to yourself.
Omg I have done SO much weird commentary/messaging/texting when I’m drunk, I have embarrassed myself to death. In the end I had to completely come off all social media just in case!! Now I only have YouTube and Whatsapp. But I have still messed up on those when drunk.
You can rebuild your confidence. Stop the drink. Over time you’ll let go of caring about that bloke you went cycling with (although I genuinely think he isn’t calling you names maliciously, I think he is trying to be playful! Like matey banter. I sometimes try and playfully name-call too. Most of the time people know I am trying to get a laugh off them, but some people are very unimpressed and think I am being mean, which I’m not).
The only way to guarantee weird, drunk texting/posting…. Is to not drink. Dee once wrote somewhere that avoiding embarrassment is a big source of motivation for not drinking (or words to that effect) and it’s extremely true for me. More embarrassment = complete erosion of self-esteem. And it never clears off until you bury the booze.
xxx be kind to yourself.
I remember about what Dee wrote. And yet my AV will say: “c’mon,you deserve a drink to get out of your head…don’t worry..you won’t drunk text anyone anything weird…I’ll watch out for you”….and then bam! Another cringey text message. Crap. (I hate swearing sorry).
The only way to avoid this embarrassment is, as you said, not to drink!
Was it you who said that your phone should come with a breathalyzer test??
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Originally Posted by Bookbuff
You know, the wavy hair, maybe he meant Robin Wright Penn, or whatever she goes by, and I will take that any day, she was the princess bride
Hey, we have all done silly things drinking, but so have they
Give yourself a break girl x
Hey, we have all done silly things drinking, but so have they
Give yourself a break girl x
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Originally Posted by Offthemast
If only there was a program that dealt with resentments and forgiving oneself and others. Hmmm. I'm racking my brain.
Keep going Peke. You are on the right track. The best views come from the hardest climbs.
Keep going Peke. You are on the right track. The best views come from the hardest climbs.
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Originally Posted by Anna
Peke, I don't think you will be able to move past this stuff until you decide to stop drinking forever. As long as you go back to drinking, this upsetting behavior will continue in your life. In my opinion, and I did lots of shameful things, I didn't have a hope of feeling better until I was firmly in recovery. You can be the person you want to be.
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What I should have said Peke, is "why not me?"
Maybe those who don't have underlying stuff don't feel compelled?
Wish it were me. But it's not. And I know 💯 percent that sobriety is the only way forward.
I get angry now, in sobriety, and I'm having trouble learning how to temper it. Learning how to grow up with sophistication. Lol
Maybe those who don't have underlying stuff don't feel compelled?
Wish it were me. But it's not. And I know 💯 percent that sobriety is the only way forward.
I get angry now, in sobriety, and I'm having trouble learning how to temper it. Learning how to grow up with sophistication. Lol
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I'm confused, Peke. Are you currently drinking?
I did my way more than fair share of drunk texting. It was very embarrassing at the time since there is no way to delete them. Sometimes I would call people but that was rare. I think you have the pain you deal with, and the drinking makes it hurt more. It makes it prominent in your mind.
I did my way more than fair share of drunk texting. It was very embarrassing at the time since there is no way to delete them. Sometimes I would call people but that was rare. I think you have the pain you deal with, and the drinking makes it hurt more. It makes it prominent in your mind.
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