Getting to know the Real Me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2023
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 911
Getting to know the Real Me
Sorry for the slightly narcissistic sounding title!
But I’m starting to learn who I really am, without all the drunken antics, hangovers and endless drama caused by drinking.
I‘m sure some of the traits I am seeing aren’t unique to me, but here’s what I have learnt about myself thus far….
1. I get bored very easily unless I am doing something. This is possibly what initiated drinking in the first place. Because it’s much easier/lazier to open a bottle of wine (or 3) and slump in front of the tv than to go out and actually DO something like: kickboxing/dancing/painting/inventing a contraption that stops the duvet all gathering into one corner of the duvet cover.
2. I’m more sociable than I thought. I definitely want connection. I didn’t think I did. But I do.
But I am finding the best kind of connections are when I am actually at an activity and conversing with the people there, whilst we are all doing the same activity, rather than just sitting down with a coffee somewhere and feeling like time has stopped? Is this normal? Being social whilst doing an activity is so much better because there’s an aim, a set start and finish point and also people don’t tend to gossip about stuff. It’s all kinda wholesome banter. It feels good.
3. Sans booze, I am actually incredibly chilled! I don’t think people are made aware ENOUGH of how badly alcohol ***** with your mental wellbeing. Like, actual crippling ANXIETY. Not a single day goes by without me hearing someone mention they have anxiety, either in real life or online. I feel like the very first thing to try would be to STOP DRINKING COMPLETELY and then see how they fare after a couple of weeks. Rather than keep drinking but take these pills (which I did). I was so bad I wouldn’t want to leave the house!! I wanted to be invisible and I was shite-scared of talking to people, going anywhere, doing anything, of driving, etc etc. And I mean SO ANXIOUS. My life became absolutely TINY. Because I was scared to DO ANYTHING.
Now…? I am doing EVERYTHING. The difference is absolutely incredible. I spent so long being frustrated at not living, that now there’s no stopping me. It’s like I’ve taken a magic pill. But really, I’m just not pouring poison into myself.
Oh dear… I’ve just re-written War & Peace and I’m only on number 4.
But, you get the gist…
Main Takeaway: Alcohol is a LIFE THIEF
Love you all, big mwah! xxx
Knee
But I’m starting to learn who I really am, without all the drunken antics, hangovers and endless drama caused by drinking.
I‘m sure some of the traits I am seeing aren’t unique to me, but here’s what I have learnt about myself thus far….
1. I get bored very easily unless I am doing something. This is possibly what initiated drinking in the first place. Because it’s much easier/lazier to open a bottle of wine (or 3) and slump in front of the tv than to go out and actually DO something like: kickboxing/dancing/painting/inventing a contraption that stops the duvet all gathering into one corner of the duvet cover.
2. I’m more sociable than I thought. I definitely want connection. I didn’t think I did. But I do.
But I am finding the best kind of connections are when I am actually at an activity and conversing with the people there, whilst we are all doing the same activity, rather than just sitting down with a coffee somewhere and feeling like time has stopped? Is this normal? Being social whilst doing an activity is so much better because there’s an aim, a set start and finish point and also people don’t tend to gossip about stuff. It’s all kinda wholesome banter. It feels good.
3. Sans booze, I am actually incredibly chilled! I don’t think people are made aware ENOUGH of how badly alcohol ***** with your mental wellbeing. Like, actual crippling ANXIETY. Not a single day goes by without me hearing someone mention they have anxiety, either in real life or online. I feel like the very first thing to try would be to STOP DRINKING COMPLETELY and then see how they fare after a couple of weeks. Rather than keep drinking but take these pills (which I did). I was so bad I wouldn’t want to leave the house!! I wanted to be invisible and I was shite-scared of talking to people, going anywhere, doing anything, of driving, etc etc. And I mean SO ANXIOUS. My life became absolutely TINY. Because I was scared to DO ANYTHING.
Now…? I am doing EVERYTHING. The difference is absolutely incredible. I spent so long being frustrated at not living, that now there’s no stopping me. It’s like I’ve taken a magic pill. But really, I’m just not pouring poison into myself.
Oh dear… I’ve just re-written War & Peace and I’m only on number 4.
But, you get the gist…
Main Takeaway: Alcohol is a LIFE THIEF
Love you all, big mwah! xxx
Knee
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2023
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 911
^ Thanks Dee 😊😊😊 There are moments of ‘Drink think’ but other than those, the rest of the time, the further away from alcohol I get, the better I feel, the more I do, the more grateful I am. xxx 😘
Member
Join Date: Jan 2024
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by KneePads 
I get bored very easily unless I am doing something. This is possibly what initiated drinking in the first place.
Originally Posted by KneePads
Sorry for the slightly narcissistic sounding title!
I've noted whatever else you wrote. I'll remember it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2023
Posts: 520
Hi Knee absolutely love your posts and when you find a duvet cover cure please tell me what it is.
I relate to so much of this and I think some of it comes down to not being able to relax. I can be sat watching TV or something and my mind is constantly rattling away with thoughts even when I've tried relaxation techniques I'm rubbish at it so I definitely used alcohol to switch my head off. Possibly I'm a bit hyper all my interests are physical so I'm constantly moving.
As far as anxiety well where to start. I was similar I had a couple of panic attacks whilst driving and that rocked my world I also became really hyper sensitive with big open places especially with shiny floors like airports or supermarkets it never stopped me doing anything but I constantly battled with myself to make myself do these things whilst thinking I was going to faint. I will add this was always much worse when I was hungover. I used alcohol to chill out and it would work I would be fine in these situations until it stopped working and alcohol became a massive annoying crutch. I now see clearly alcohol was actually causing my body to be on constant stress alert and I was fuelling that by medicating with alcohol. The stuff of insanity.
I'm absolutely buzzing about this year and am seeking to widen my social and friends around different situations. I'm also learning to manage situations so much better. I think it's a real learning process which I'm loving.
Who knew packing booze in would be so good 👍
I relate to so much of this and I think some of it comes down to not being able to relax. I can be sat watching TV or something and my mind is constantly rattling away with thoughts even when I've tried relaxation techniques I'm rubbish at it so I definitely used alcohol to switch my head off. Possibly I'm a bit hyper all my interests are physical so I'm constantly moving.
As far as anxiety well where to start. I was similar I had a couple of panic attacks whilst driving and that rocked my world I also became really hyper sensitive with big open places especially with shiny floors like airports or supermarkets it never stopped me doing anything but I constantly battled with myself to make myself do these things whilst thinking I was going to faint. I will add this was always much worse when I was hungover. I used alcohol to chill out and it would work I would be fine in these situations until it stopped working and alcohol became a massive annoying crutch. I now see clearly alcohol was actually causing my body to be on constant stress alert and I was fuelling that by medicating with alcohol. The stuff of insanity.
I'm absolutely buzzing about this year and am seeking to widen my social and friends around different situations. I'm also learning to manage situations so much better. I think it's a real learning process which I'm loving.
Who knew packing booze in would be so good 👍
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,174
There's a new cool thing to say, "That's whaat I'm talkin' about." I hate it because the person who says that has seldom said a word about anything until after someone else articulates it. But in this case, I'm going to say it because that IS what I've been talking about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2023
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 911
Originally Posted by DriGuy
There's a new cool thing to say, "That's whaat I'm talkin' about." I hate it because the person who says that has seldom said a word about anything until after someone else articulates it. But in this case, I'm going to say it because that IS what I've been talking about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2023
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 911
Originally Posted by Gymbunny7
Hi Knee absolutely love your posts and when you find a duvet cover cure please tell me what it is.
As far as anxiety well where to start. I was similar I had a couple of panic attacks whilst driving and that rocked my world I also became really hyper sensitive with big open places especially with shiny floors like airports or supermarkets it never stopped me doing anything but I constantly battled with myself to make myself do these things whilst thinking I was going to faint.
Who knew packing booze in would be so good 👍
As far as anxiety well where to start. I was similar I had a couple of panic attacks whilst driving and that rocked my world I also became really hyper sensitive with big open places especially with shiny floors like airports or supermarkets it never stopped me doing anything but I constantly battled with myself to make myself do these things whilst thinking I was going to faint.
Who knew packing booze in would be so good 👍
I probably if I find a duvet cover cure I will tell everyone on here first! 😂😂
The thing about forcing ourselves to go to places, with major anxiety and battling through things that should be just simple and easy… Booze makes it so much harder! Everything becomes so TAXING to do. The mental side of it is awful. I didn’t realise just how bad I was until I stopped drinking. It was getting worse and worse and I couldn’t see it.
Love that you are looking forward to the learning process! Me too!! xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2023
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 911
Originally Posted by phonk
I know why. When we drink our brains are fooled into thinking we are doing and achieving something while sitting and doing nothing. So when you stop drinking you go below your brain's new baseline level of (fake) activity. The feeling will pass. I remember my grand mother would finish all her work and just sit. Do literally nothing. And she was content.
Introspection is not narcissism. Good that you're understanding yourself.
I've noted whatever else you wrote. I'll remember it.
Introspection is not narcissism. Good that you're understanding yourself.
I've noted whatever else you wrote. I'll remember it.
Yes, absolutely agree! It feels like we’re doing something when we sit down and drink. It’s so weird? I can’t really stand TV anymore… It doesn’t help that there’s **** all on of any decent quality either! 😂 I am hoping I get used to the new baseline soon… xxx
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,956
Agreed. It’s not narcissistic at all. It’s a massive shock (in a good way) what develops as a result of sobriety. Say it loud and proud, KP.
I struggle now to deal with negative people, but I was terrible before. Now I can get up and talk (bore) to a group of people. So much other stuff. I can’t disassociate from the pre-2017 me, but if I could I would! I don’t recognise that sad individual, and as odd as it sounds, I feel sorry for the old me.
I was going to do one of my waffley posts about “what if we’d never been drinkers”. I reckon without my low period in 2017 when it dawned on me I wasn’t the person I wanted to be (to say the least), I wouldn’t have dragged myself up to a better version of me. If I’d been teetotal or a normie, I’d have been a better person but would I have had that low point which was actually a turning point. I wonder.
I struggle now to deal with negative people, but I was terrible before. Now I can get up and talk (bore) to a group of people. So much other stuff. I can’t disassociate from the pre-2017 me, but if I could I would! I don’t recognise that sad individual, and as odd as it sounds, I feel sorry for the old me.
I was going to do one of my waffley posts about “what if we’d never been drinkers”. I reckon without my low period in 2017 when it dawned on me I wasn’t the person I wanted to be (to say the least), I wouldn’t have dragged myself up to a better version of me. If I’d been teetotal or a normie, I’d have been a better person but would I have had that low point which was actually a turning point. I wonder.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2023
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 911
^ Hodd, yes, I know exactly what you mean. I have always thought that we need to have something stark to compare the good times to, to remember how important sobriety is. And remind myself of why I don’t want to go back!! It has to be bad enough to make the leap and stay on the other side.
xxx
xxx
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,956
… I should start a new thread and not pollute yours, KP 🙂
Another what if scenario is less pleasant - what would the drinker you be like in 2024? This made me stop in my tracks.
My wife would still have left, but I wouldn’t have been doing any sports and would still be vastly overweight. My drinking would’ve gone ballistic during Covid! I’d never be able to find a new relationship, and rightly so. I’d be too negative, self centred and drunk to attract anyone else. It’s a very gloomy scenario I’d rather not dwell on.
Another what if scenario is less pleasant - what would the drinker you be like in 2024? This made me stop in my tracks.
My wife would still have left, but I wouldn’t have been doing any sports and would still be vastly overweight. My drinking would’ve gone ballistic during Covid! I’d never be able to find a new relationship, and rightly so. I’d be too negative, self centred and drunk to attract anyone else. It’s a very gloomy scenario I’d rather not dwell on.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,616
I thought your post was great too KneePads. And I just love your UserName. I certainly needed a pair when I was drinking. Or, maybe you just play hockey. 
Your posts are always positive and kind KP, and I thank you for being here. Sharing that positivity and kindness with us all.
I agree, sobriety is a wonderous thing.
Not so much the sobriety that comes to every straight up and down normie when not drinking, but the sobriety we as 'alcoholics' find when we finally put down the glass, and are left to find ourselves. Our real selves.
Thanks KP.
Your posts are always positive and kind KP, and I thank you for being here. Sharing that positivity and kindness with us all.
I agree, sobriety is a wonderous thing.
Not so much the sobriety that comes to every straight up and down normie when not drinking, but the sobriety we as 'alcoholics' find when we finally put down the glass, and are left to find ourselves. Our real selves.
Thanks KP.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2023
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 911
Originally Posted by Steely
I agree, sobriety is a wonderous thing.
Not so much the sobriety that comes to every straight up and down normie when not drinking, but the sobriety we as 'alcoholics' find when we finally put down the glass.
Also, I love this comment because it’s one of (if not The ONLY) advantage of having a drink problem. We have been so far down that we really appreciate every single step up and away from those dark times. Having that memory/comparison makes this feel magical. xxx
Ps. The name KneePads just popped randomly into my head when I made my SR account. And I thought “Yeah, I’ll keep you” 😂😂
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2023
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 911
Originally Posted by Hodd
…
Another what if scenario is less pleasant - what would the drinker you be like in 2024? This made me stop in my tracks.
Another what if scenario is less pleasant - what would the drinker you be like in 2024? This made me stop in my tracks.
The day before I stopped drinking I’d been awake drinking for approximately 2 days and had just been to the shop at about 8am to get more wine. I was terrified of how much worse this was going to get and I felt like a completely terrible human being. I promised Mr KneePads I was going to stop. Neither of us believed me at the time! I think I’d have died this year or had a stroke or something. I just have a feeling about that. Something awful was going to happen, I could sense it.
xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Mid-Atlantic states
Posts: 993
Absolutely fantastic post, KP! I quit drinking in the very beginning of the pandemic, and saw it as a special time to work on myself. Your posts are always so vibrant and happy, and it has been amazing to see how well you have done. And, just to excite you even more, it DOES get better and better. I'm at almost 4 years and my entire life is different. Keep up the excellent work and the awesome posts. You are very wise this early in sobriety and your energy is contagious!! Big hugs!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
