Hodd

Just back from a couple of weeks in Cyprus with my newish partner. With any new relationship, holidays together are a potential minefield, and I know from bitter experience that arguments can turn a holiday into a lonely hell. To give some context, my partner isn’t British and has lots of friends in Cyprus with whom she speaks her first language. I’m used to this, but it can get frustrating and a little lonely. Unlike the drinker me who’d have bottled up such frustrations inside, I did have a quiet word to say politely how I felt. It hadn’t gone unnoticed 🙂 so it was good to explain. I don’t expect everyone to speak 100% in English, but involving me every few minutes or so was a big help. What’s next? Neither of us are good at reading sat nav maps, and that caused some friction. We agreed that we’re bad at this, and we’re going to get lost a lot!

So far so good. It had been noted by my partner and her friends that I wasn’t such a bad guy after all. I was quite pleased about this as I’d been a total ***hole on previous holidays, and drinking/hangovers were a definite factor. But what really showed me in a good light* was meeting another of her friends but this one had a British husband. Wow! This guy was ruder and way more unsociable than I ever was! He wasn’t interested in me in the slightest, wasn’t particularly polite to my girlfriend, made snide remarks which were fully noted and sat on his own inside whilst we all chatted. It turns out this guy is a big drinker, and it 100% showed. What an unhappy individual and what a version of me 10 years ago. Life’s so much easier and more pleasant if you make the effort and at least say hello. That Brit doesn’t know it, but “meeting” him was one of the highlights of the trip!

* Oh and I’m no saint. My temper still lets me down, but it’s way way milder since I’ve been sober, plus I’m able to discuss/apologise/compromise now. I was certainly offered alcohol on numerous occasions on holiday. Even my partner doesn’t really get it yet that I can’t drink ever. I’ll admit with the hot weather, I had the occasional craving, but that would’ve been the end of the holiday. I’d have craved like mad and been angry at everything. No thanks. I can look back and say what a great holiday, and to be honest, it would’ve ended badly if I’d been drinking 🙂

advbike

Good job on the sober vacation, Hodd., they are indeed the best! Sounds like you have an understanding partner, and the two of you are able to discuss things, which is so crucial. I have found a lot of expats (not all) are drinkers, especially in the tropics, where I usually go. They can be really boorish and I'd rather hang out with the locals. Sounds like you did that, to great success.. I understand the irritation that can occur sometimes, especially in less developed countries where things don't work as well, but that's just part of the experience, right? Sober is always better under those circumstance - so fantastic job on that my friend.

SoberLeigh

Nicely done, Hodd. The benefits of sobriety become more numerous with time, huh?

Anna

I'm glad you're getting through this Hodd, and enjoying your vacation.

Hodd

Thanks, Anna. You’d think after 4 1/2 years, I’d be unfazed by most things, but when we’re out of our comfort zone, we’re going to get stressed. If I’d have had that holiday after, say, three months sober, things would’ve been very difficult. The more sober time we all have, the easier things become.

Hevyn

Glad it went well, Hodd. It's ironic that we ever thought drinking made things more enjoyable. I look back & realize how irritated & confrontational it made me at the end of my drinking days.

Pekelover2

I’m so happy that things went well, Hodd!!

Dee74

I’m glad you were able to negotiate things Hodd.
Welcome back

D

calmself

One lucky dude you are. New country, New partner. Enjoy!!

Hodd

You’re not doing bad yourself, calm 🙂

I’m still in the same country, but I must admit the new partner thing is a surprise. I’m not exactly Mr Charisma 🤣 Saying that, the obese drunk that I was before would probably have stayed single. I’ve definitely had more good luck than bad since quitting, but we can all make our own luck by staying sober 🙂

Tailai

Hodd,

Good stuff. Bravo on dealing positively & productively with the vacation minefields. On another note, I too have a temper (I think it’s inherited). My mom & dad would have epic arguments - but after years of reflection I think it’s more excitability that is a bad mix with alcohol & the concurrent poor impulse control. That same excitement channeled in a positive way, without the explosiveness that comes at times when drinking, yields startlingly different results. But I digress. What I want to say is I like your insights as to how a situation plays out with & without drinking for people like us.

Zencat

Sobriety with your brand of recovery program has paid off the horrid reach of your past drunken life galore with dividends. Good on your 4.5 years off the sauce.

I see lost people in addiction on the street as I go about my errands. Besides being rude, obnoxious and, crass, some of them can be dangerous and lethal. Bless their ****** up souls. There but the grace of Buddha go I, right.

Thank you for your share Hodd

calmself

+1 to everything you said, Hodd. If we had continued drinking citing some reason or other, we would still be struggling by now.

Hodd

🙂 Upshot is we might not be perfect, but the sober us is as good as it gets.

DriGuy

Observing drunks during my recovery is an unusual experience. Had I never been an alcoholic, I might observed them and just be perplexed. I remember back in my late teens encountering a few drunks, and wondering why they would choose such a debilitating life. Years later, I found myself in their shoes. Having hauled myself out of that fog, I see them now through what seems like special glasses. I understand. I really get it. Was it easier when I was in my teens to just observe them and wonder than it is now to understand what happened to them? Maybe, but one thing I'm sure of is that I can only take responsibility for my own health.

Hodd

^ I feel uneasy around drunks, Dri, especially strangers. I see too much of the old me for comfort. I kind of understand occasional drinkers letting their hair down at special occasions, but the red-faced bar flies who get smashed multiple times a week, best avoided. Went to quite a nice music venue last night. I’m not musical in the slightest, but I was able to look at each band member (they were really good) and appreciate the 1000s of hours practice they’d put in individually and as a group. Meanwhile, I reckon 60% of the audience were too wasted to care.

JohnToon

Thanks for sharing Hodd. Glad you had a good holiday together.

Hodd

Thanks John. I loved your posts about driving across France recently. Amazing stuff!