Power of Amends
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,707
Power of Amends
Like many here, my career has taken some interesting turns as the result of my previous substance abuse.
I am a pharmacist who developed an addiction to the prescription drug tramadol. I stole the medication from work (very quietly and politely 🙄
for appx. 4 years before the shame of it broke me.
Coming clean was so humbling and awful. Awful primarily because I hurt my family, but also because I hurt my employer so much. I had worked for the same, single-owner, small-town, independent pharmacy for 8 years. I loved the practice and my boss and my patients, but I made selfish decisions and betrayed everyone’s confidence.
I hurt my employer by leaving him dumbfounded and without needed help, but also by deceiving him. He worried about me. I think my actions shook him because addiction seemed so out of character for my “good girl, mom of three, always helping” personality. He was very trusting, and I took advantage of that trust to access my substance of choice.
At about 4 months of sobriety I made formal amends to my old boss. It was beautiful and healing. He is a tremendous human. He listened, cried with me, and prayed with me. It helped me move past my shame in a very concrete way.
Fast forward another year+, and I am employed as a letter carrier with USPS. My license to practice pharmacy has been renewed due to my ongoing recovery and compliance with all of my Board’s monitoring requirements, but I have (understandably) struggled to match to a position because of my past struggles. I was formally offered a job after full disclosure of my SUD and recovery, but it was rescinded when my background check showed the same information I had already disclosed. It was disappointing, but I enjoy my postal walking route so I wasn’t too broken up over the letdown. I just chose to believe it wasn’t the right place for me.
Two days ago, while walking my route, my old boss called me to discuss the policy changes he had made in the pharmacy (random UA’s for employees, no one alone in the pharmacy, double verification of call-in orders, etc…), tell me congratulations on my 18+ months of recovery, and offer me my job back.
It was a complete shock.
I had dinner with him and three old co-workers last night to discuss the details. They understand my recovery (as well as any normie can understand!), and they are working with me to build-in support and safeguards. It was so emotional.
They love me and want me, even though I am not perfect. I don’t have to be perfect to be worthwhile. I get to return to my work home and the people I love.
I’m blown away by the absolute miracle of restoration that recovery (I’m an AA kind of girl) can offer.
I start on the 20th.
I just wanted to share the potential power of amends to heal BIG hurts. This is real.
I am a pharmacist who developed an addiction to the prescription drug tramadol. I stole the medication from work (very quietly and politely 🙄
for appx. 4 years before the shame of it broke me.Coming clean was so humbling and awful. Awful primarily because I hurt my family, but also because I hurt my employer so much. I had worked for the same, single-owner, small-town, independent pharmacy for 8 years. I loved the practice and my boss and my patients, but I made selfish decisions and betrayed everyone’s confidence.
I hurt my employer by leaving him dumbfounded and without needed help, but also by deceiving him. He worried about me. I think my actions shook him because addiction seemed so out of character for my “good girl, mom of three, always helping” personality. He was very trusting, and I took advantage of that trust to access my substance of choice.
At about 4 months of sobriety I made formal amends to my old boss. It was beautiful and healing. He is a tremendous human. He listened, cried with me, and prayed with me. It helped me move past my shame in a very concrete way.
Fast forward another year+, and I am employed as a letter carrier with USPS. My license to practice pharmacy has been renewed due to my ongoing recovery and compliance with all of my Board’s monitoring requirements, but I have (understandably) struggled to match to a position because of my past struggles. I was formally offered a job after full disclosure of my SUD and recovery, but it was rescinded when my background check showed the same information I had already disclosed. It was disappointing, but I enjoy my postal walking route so I wasn’t too broken up over the letdown. I just chose to believe it wasn’t the right place for me.
Two days ago, while walking my route, my old boss called me to discuss the policy changes he had made in the pharmacy (random UA’s for employees, no one alone in the pharmacy, double verification of call-in orders, etc…), tell me congratulations on my 18+ months of recovery, and offer me my job back.
It was a complete shock.
I had dinner with him and three old co-workers last night to discuss the details. They understand my recovery (as well as any normie can understand!), and they are working with me to build-in support and safeguards. It was so emotional.
They love me and want me, even though I am not perfect. I don’t have to be perfect to be worthwhile. I get to return to my work home and the people I love.
I’m blown away by the absolute miracle of restoration that recovery (I’m an AA kind of girl) can offer.
I start on the 20th.
I just wanted to share the potential power of amends to heal BIG hurts. This is real.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,589
TC, I'm so happy for you. I know it's been difficult at times, but you've always stuck to your recovery and moved forward, no matter what. And, it's paid off. I know it means a lot to you that your old employer made the offer.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,656
I have tears running down my face, dear TC. ❤️
You are such an amazing person, and an incredible power of example, and this is just the most beautiful news.
And YOU DESERVE THIS, you really do.
I didn't know the other job had been rescinded or the part about the amends with your boss, but now hearing it all, well, I have tears of joy.
I know a lot about tramadol, unfortunately. I lost my dad to that drug, years and years before I lost him. I thank God you are in recovery now, and I thank God you are doing so well.
❤️❤️❤️
You are such an amazing person, and an incredible power of example, and this is just the most beautiful news.
And YOU DESERVE THIS, you really do. I didn't know the other job had been rescinded or the part about the amends with your boss, but now hearing it all, well, I have tears of joy.
I know a lot about tramadol, unfortunately. I lost my dad to that drug, years and years before I lost him. I thank God you are in recovery now, and I thank God you are doing so well.
❤️❤️❤️
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,455
So proud and happy for you TC! 
You earned every iota of this redemption and “knowing” you from this list, is is no wonder at all to me your old boss and fellow employees want your back in their work family.
Blessings and hugs!
You earned every iota of this redemption and “knowing” you from this list, is is no wonder at all to me your old boss and fellow employees want your back in their work family.
Blessings and hugs!
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,707
You guys are amazing.
I work hard on myself and my recovery, but I don’t deserve this. It is a gift of tremendous grace. Living to honor that grace and offer it as I am able - that is my Purpose.
I have a beautiful life! Wowsers!
I work hard on myself and my recovery, but I don’t deserve this. It is a gift of tremendous grace. Living to honor that grace and offer it as I am able - that is my Purpose.
I have a beautiful life! Wowsers!
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,707
Originally Posted by venuscat 
You do deserve it, and after all, it was promised to you.
(fellow AAer).
(fellow AAer).
Venus - I believed in the Promises in an “abstract” way….. I am amazed by how they are currently manifesting. When I genuinely let go of my job as a marker of my success/usefulness/recovery- the job was given to me.
It’s really just an “easy to point to” example of how recovery changes one for the better, so it’s straightforward to share here. But the psychic change (our whole attitude and outlook will change) is truly the most significant Promise come true for me. I am different when I am humble and (mostly!) free from fear.
For those interested in the promises of 12 Step recovery:
AA Promises:
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 14,069
Originally Posted by ToughChoices
You guys are amazing.
I work hard on myself and my recovery, but I don’t deserve this. It is a gift of tremendous grace. Living to honor that grace and offer it as I am able - that is my Purpose.
I have a beautiful life! Wowsers!
I work hard on myself and my recovery, but I don’t deserve this. It is a gift of tremendous grace. Living to honor that grace and offer it as I am able - that is my Purpose.
I have a beautiful life! Wowsers!
Thank you for your powerful post of inspiration and your grace. You Nailed It TC💟
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 530
Very powerful testimony. Thanks so much for sharing that with us. On the most basic level, I make my amends because I can't stay sober without them -- and it ultimately doesn't matter if the person on the receiving end responds positively or negatively. But your experience matches mine and that of many others whose testimony I've heard through the years. There is seemingly no relationship that can't be restored.
I did not grasp the full power of the amends process till I was given the following template for making amends:
1. Tell the person what you did wrong. This sometimes requires actually doing some work beforehand, because the wrong can't have anything to do with them. In other words, saying "I was wrong to get frustrated but I sometimes don't deal well with jerks" is not a proper amend. The wrong should boil down to a character defect that has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. A trick for getting to the truth here is to ask yourself if you could have acted better even if they did everything the same. If so, then my bad behavior was not "caused" by the other person but rather a character defect of mine. Again, getting to the true nature of that defect of character can take some work -- but if you're an alcoholic like me then there's probably a related pattern of bad behavior that manifests across a range of people.
2. Ask the person if there's anything else you've done to harm them. Then shut up and listen.
3. Ask the person what you can do to set things right. This is critical. I don't tell the person I've harmed how I'm going to set things right. Rather, I ask them what they need from me to set things right.
4. I do the best I reasonably can to set things right on the terms they request.
I did not grasp the full power of the amends process till I was given the following template for making amends:
1. Tell the person what you did wrong. This sometimes requires actually doing some work beforehand, because the wrong can't have anything to do with them. In other words, saying "I was wrong to get frustrated but I sometimes don't deal well with jerks" is not a proper amend. The wrong should boil down to a character defect that has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. A trick for getting to the truth here is to ask yourself if you could have acted better even if they did everything the same. If so, then my bad behavior was not "caused" by the other person but rather a character defect of mine. Again, getting to the true nature of that defect of character can take some work -- but if you're an alcoholic like me then there's probably a related pattern of bad behavior that manifests across a range of people.
2. Ask the person if there's anything else you've done to harm them. Then shut up and listen.
3. Ask the person what you can do to set things right. This is critical. I don't tell the person I've harmed how I'm going to set things right. Rather, I ask them what they need from me to set things right.
4. I do the best I reasonably can to set things right on the terms they request.
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