All the lies
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Join Date: Jun 2022
Posts: 2
All the lies I just found out my husband of 13 years (17 together) has been drinking secretly for (at least) more than four years. He was overseas for three of those years working and hid it when I visited, but was always jumpy and edgy and often mean to me. When he came home hed smoke pot in the evenings. With covid he was forced to come home because our borders in New Zealand were closed, and he had a hip operation where he was in the spare room getting better (i thought). He since stayed in the spare room for the past 18 months, going to 'sleep' at 6.30pm. So many excuses, he's tired, working shifts online, very very sleepy, got the flu, it's because I'm abusive (that because I asked him if he had an online girlfriend - which is apparently a terribly abusive question). He has no friends and his family never visit him, although he visits them. My own social life is zero, as I'm too embarassed to invite people over.. Suddenly 10 days ago he announced hes been drinking in there all this time, up to one litre of vodka a day. Said he's having blackouts. He has twice given up alcohol before in our relationship, and it caused major issues in his previous marriage. He now says his brother and sister are helping him in his 'recovery', and he said he did not want me to be involved in any way - I have no contact with them. I think they are an abusive and dishonest family and I have always kept my distance.The day after his big confession I threw him out. The lies have been so damaging and I can't believe he has been so dishonest. I am very very shocked. I just don't think I can ever believe him about anything ever again.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,653
Hi shocked, so glad you decided to post in the Friends and Family forum, I replied to you in the other forum, so I'll just copy that below:
As you read around here I think you will find many threads that you can relate to.
Originally Posted by trailmix 
Hi shocked. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I am glad you found sober recovery though.
You might to head over to the Friends and Family of alcoholics forum (and post there as well if you like, of course):
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
I think if you read some of the threads over there you will find you are very much not alone in this. Plus we are here to support you as well.
It's certainly not unheard of for an alcoholic to drink and hide it, even for long periods of time and it doesn't come out until the alcoholism progresses or the person finally confesses of their own accord.
You might to head over to the Friends and Family of alcoholics forum (and post there as well if you like, of course):
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
I think if you read some of the threads over there you will find you are very much not alone in this. Plus we are here to support you as well.
It's certainly not unheard of for an alcoholic to drink and hide it, even for long periods of time and it doesn't come out until the alcoholism progresses or the person finally confesses of their own accord.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,653
How are you doing shocked? I'm sure you are still reeling from his "confession" and having him leave.
You are no doubt right that his Brother and Sister may not be any help at all, because quitting drinking and getting in to recovery is so hard that professional help is usually needed.
Trust is huge, of course, as you mentioned. You too need support. Have you heard of the group Al-Anon? They do have meetings all over the world and also online, which might be helpful.
Hope you will check in and let us know how you are doing.
You are no doubt right that his Brother and Sister may not be any help at all, because quitting drinking and getting in to recovery is so hard that professional help is usually needed.
Trust is huge, of course, as you mentioned. You too need support. Have you heard of the group Al-Anon? They do have meetings all over the world and also online, which might be helpful.
Hope you will check in and let us know how you are doing.
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