Alcoholic boyfriend is talking about suicide
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Alcoholic boyfriend is talking about suicide
Good evening,
It's been a few days since I last posted here. So much has happened ... my partner who drinks a lot has started talking about suicide. He started telling me things like: it won't go well with me... maybe we'll meet in the next life and I will be a great boyfriend to you...
In the meantime, he quit his job and decided to find a new one in Germany. Which ... was a big blow. We are both from Czech. He stopped going to therapy, just lying in bed all day drinking alcohol. He called me on Sunday night and told me to imagine he didn't exist. And that he doesn't know when he plan to do it..that it could be a day or a week ... but he has no desire to live. I talked to him on the phone and started to panic. It wasn't the first time ... especially the last time he was drunk, he was crying and having suicidal thoughts.
I connected with his family. They called him an ambulance. It's getting too much for me. I was really sick. I had to take two days off at work. I blocked my partner. He himself had advised me on the phone the night before: go to bed and forget about me, tell yourself I'm an idiot and it will be like this in the morning. I couldn't listen to it anymore. I didn't talk to him the next day. That was Monday. And then on Tuesday I decided to call him. I was afraid. And he? He was mad at me! That I called his family member. And that I blocked him. Told me, that he don't believe my fear for him. That I'm not trustworthy. And that I have really bad behavior patterns and if I really liked him, I wouldn't block him. That broke me. He hung up when I tried to speak for myself...
The last days have been harder for me than others. The suicide talk. He was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital a week ago.. He told me about moving to Germany in a week .... I have no plans to talk to him anymore. Or contact him. The last thing he told me was that he "has to reconsider if he wants to be with someone like that." (Like me). In my mind, I broke up with him. I talked to my friends and my therapist. I feel terrible. I know it'll be better in a few days. At least with me. I don't know what he does. In my opinion, there will never be a cure. I took the threat of suicide as a call for help. He laughed at me ...
Does this happen to alcoholics? That they are talking about suicide? Big thanks to everyone from this forum. You all helped me a lot. I'm trying to move on. He? Well... I dont know. I dont know what happens next.
It's been a few days since I last posted here. So much has happened ... my partner who drinks a lot has started talking about suicide. He started telling me things like: it won't go well with me... maybe we'll meet in the next life and I will be a great boyfriend to you...
In the meantime, he quit his job and decided to find a new one in Germany. Which ... was a big blow. We are both from Czech. He stopped going to therapy, just lying in bed all day drinking alcohol. He called me on Sunday night and told me to imagine he didn't exist. And that he doesn't know when he plan to do it..that it could be a day or a week ... but he has no desire to live. I talked to him on the phone and started to panic. It wasn't the first time ... especially the last time he was drunk, he was crying and having suicidal thoughts.
I connected with his family. They called him an ambulance. It's getting too much for me. I was really sick. I had to take two days off at work. I blocked my partner. He himself had advised me on the phone the night before: go to bed and forget about me, tell yourself I'm an idiot and it will be like this in the morning. I couldn't listen to it anymore. I didn't talk to him the next day. That was Monday. And then on Tuesday I decided to call him. I was afraid. And he? He was mad at me! That I called his family member. And that I blocked him. Told me, that he don't believe my fear for him. That I'm not trustworthy. And that I have really bad behavior patterns and if I really liked him, I wouldn't block him. That broke me. He hung up when I tried to speak for myself...
The last days have been harder for me than others. The suicide talk. He was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital a week ago.. He told me about moving to Germany in a week .... I have no plans to talk to him anymore. Or contact him. The last thing he told me was that he "has to reconsider if he wants to be with someone like that." (Like me). In my mind, I broke up with him. I talked to my friends and my therapist. I feel terrible. I know it'll be better in a few days. At least with me. I don't know what he does. In my opinion, there will never be a cure. I took the threat of suicide as a call for help. He laughed at me ...
Does this happen to alcoholics? That they are talking about suicide? Big thanks to everyone from this forum. You all helped me a lot. I'm trying to move on. He? Well... I dont know. I dont know what happens next.
RIP Sweet Suki
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I'm sorry this is happening, Dalia, but in my opinion, you did the exact right thing. We never know if they are serious when they talk of suicide, but it is better to err on the side of caution. The fact that he is angry with you pretty much says it all.
There is nothing you can do to help him, and he has made it clear that he doesn't appreciate or want any help from you. I'm glad you have discussed this with your therapist and have decided to remove yourself from his toxicity. You deserve so much better.
There is nothing you can do to help him, and he has made it clear that he doesn't appreciate or want any help from you. I'm glad you have discussed this with your therapist and have decided to remove yourself from his toxicity. You deserve so much better.
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You did the right thing, sorry you have this horrible situation going on.
You ask if alcoholics do this type of thing. I have experienced alcoholics using the threat of suicide to try and hurt people as well as using it as emotional blackmail.
You ask if alcoholics do this type of thing. I have experienced alcoholics using the threat of suicide to try and hurt people as well as using it as emotional blackmail.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
You did the right seeking advice, ideas, places to vent etc. He did not.
The alcohol isn't necessarily manufacturing those thought's either. He probably already had existing issues which he coped with or self medicated with alcohol.
And yes many use the threat of suicide in as a tool for manipulation hoping to shame or guilt you so you grant a soon to follow request or rethink an old one.
Stay safe stay healthy yourself!
The alcohol isn't necessarily manufacturing those thought's either. He probably already had existing issues which he coped with or self medicated with alcohol.
And yes many use the threat of suicide in as a tool for manipulation hoping to shame or guilt you so you grant a soon to follow request or rethink an old one.
Stay safe stay healthy yourself!
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Dalia, you did the right thing. Many years ago, I was in a similar situation. There is nothing you can do for him, and you will lose your own mind trying.
It's heartbreaking, I know. For what it's worth...the person I was dealing with did not take their own life, was an active alcoholic and did finally find recovery. And I had no control over any of it, but I got out, and I took care of myself because I could control that.
Glad you have found this wonderful site. So much support here. Take good care.
It's heartbreaking, I know. For what it's worth...the person I was dealing with did not take their own life, was an active alcoholic and did finally find recovery. And I had no control over any of it, but I got out, and I took care of myself because I could control that.
Glad you have found this wonderful site. So much support here. Take good care.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,706
Absolutely you did the right thing. He laughs, but what if he had killed himself or tried to, then what? He can't expect to lay all that at your feet and for you to just ignore it. You did nothing wrong.
Well, let him be mad and let him "reconsider" if he wants to be around someone that actually cared to do the adult, responsible thing. Nothing to do with you.
I'm glad you have decided you have already broken up and you will feel better soon, I know it's very hurtful though and I'm sorry you got hurt.
"has to reconsider if he wants to be with someone like that." (Like me).
I'm glad you have decided you have already broken up and you will feel better soon, I know it's very hurtful though and I'm sorry you got hurt.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Dalia,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I was in a similar situation some years ago and I nearly lost myself.
I agree with the other comments above - you were right to take the suicide threats seriously, and you are right now to walk away and leave him to his own life and decisions. You are not abandoning him or giving up on him - you are taking care of YOU.
You sound strong and resolved which is great! And if you start to falter, I highly recommend coming here and reading and posting instead of reaching out to him if you are tempted to check on him (which is a normal and healthy feeling btw, but unfortunately these circumstances are NOT normal). Take a walk, call a friend, make something beautiful - anything that engages you fully until the urge to "help" him passes. Loving someone should not mean giving up our own well being.
We tend to think we are the alcoholic's only lifeline. And it is absolutely not true. There are lots of resources available to them, and it is entirely up to them to seek the help they need.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I was in a similar situation some years ago and I nearly lost myself.
I agree with the other comments above - you were right to take the suicide threats seriously, and you are right now to walk away and leave him to his own life and decisions. You are not abandoning him or giving up on him - you are taking care of YOU.
You sound strong and resolved which is great! And if you start to falter, I highly recommend coming here and reading and posting instead of reaching out to him if you are tempted to check on him (which is a normal and healthy feeling btw, but unfortunately these circumstances are NOT normal). Take a walk, call a friend, make something beautiful - anything that engages you fully until the urge to "help" him passes. Loving someone should not mean giving up our own well being.
We tend to think we are the alcoholic's only lifeline. And it is absolutely not true. There are lots of resources available to them, and it is entirely up to them to seek the help they need.
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Originally Posted by suki44883 
I'm sorry this is happening, Dalia, but in my opinion, you did the exact right thing. We never know if they are serious when they talk of suicide, but it is better to err on the side of caution. The fact that he is angry with you pretty much says it all.
There is nothing you can do to help him, and he has made it clear that he doesn't appreciate or want any help from you. I'm glad you have discussed this with your therapist and have decided to remove yourself from his toxicity. You deserve so much better.
There is nothing you can do to help him, and he has made it clear that he doesn't appreciate or want any help from you. I'm glad you have discussed this with your therapist and have decided to remove yourself from his toxicity. You deserve so much better.
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Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12
You did the right thing, sorry you have this horrible situation going on.
You ask if alcoholics do this type of thing. I have experienced alcoholics using the threat of suicide to try and hurt people as well as using it as emotional blackmail.
You ask if alcoholics do this type of thing. I have experienced alcoholics using the threat of suicide to try and hurt people as well as using it as emotional blackmail.
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Join Date: Mar 2022
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Originally Posted by thequest
You did the right seeking advice, ideas, places to vent etc. He did not.
The alcohol isn't necessarily manufacturing those thought's either. He probably already had existing issues which he coped with or self medicated with alcohol.
And yes many use the threat of suicide in as a tool for manipulation hoping to shame or guilt you so you grant a soon to follow request or rethink an old one.
Stay safe stay healthy yourself!
The alcohol isn't necessarily manufacturing those thought's either. He probably already had existing issues which he coped with or self medicated with alcohol.
And yes many use the threat of suicide in as a tool for manipulation hoping to shame or guilt you so you grant a soon to follow request or rethink an old one.
Stay safe stay healthy yourself!
thank you very much. He was always... unbalanced somehow. I've been telling him to go to therapy for a long time. Now, in recent days, there have been a lot of outbursts of rage. The last time I saw him? He was mad and digging into things around him. Another red flag and a sign for me that I have to go. He never used the internet for a good cause. He watches stupid videos there and I don't believe he can work in Germany when he has problems with his work here. Either because of alcohol or he was uncomfortable with colleagues and..He is just lazy and lives for alcohol only.
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Originally Posted by seekingcalm
Dalia, you did the right thing. Many years ago, I was in a similar situation. There is nothing you can do for him, and you will lose your own mind trying.
It's heartbreaking, I know. For what it's worth...the person I was dealing with did not take their own life, was an active alcoholic and did finally find recovery. And I had no control over any of it, but I got out, and I took care of myself because I could control that.
Glad you have found this wonderful site. So much support here. Take good care.
It's heartbreaking, I know. For what it's worth...the person I was dealing with did not take their own life, was an active alcoholic and did finally find recovery. And I had no control over any of it, but I got out, and I took care of myself because I could control that.
Glad you have found this wonderful site. So much support here. Take good care.
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Originally Posted by RunningScared
You did the right thing. You want to run, not walk, from that situation.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Absolutely you did the right thing. He laughs, but what if he had killed himself or tried to, then what? He can't expect to lay all that at your feet and for you to just ignore it. You did nothing wrong.
Well, let him be mad and let him "reconsider" if he wants to be around someone that actually cared to do the adult, responsible thing. Nothing to do with you.
I'm glad you have decided you have already broken up and you will feel better soon, I know it's very hurtful though and I'm sorry you got hurt.
Well, let him be mad and let him "reconsider" if he wants to be around someone that actually cared to do the adult, responsible thing. Nothing to do with you.
I'm glad you have decided you have already broken up and you will feel better soon, I know it's very hurtful though and I'm sorry you got hurt.
thank you very much for your answer and supportive words.
Yes, he laughed like crazy. But ... as you point. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to him. I can't know if it's a call for help or a lie or manipulation. I've never been so worried about anyone, and he really hurt me when he told me I was lying. That I couldn't be afraid when I blocked him. He was just mad and laughed. I was crying and my mind was confused. I'm tired of being alone in that relationship. Constantly worried about him. Whether he will drink...or not. Whether there will be an argument or not. I'm in my twenties and I don't want to spend them taking care of someone who doesn't respect me. Thanks 🖤🍀
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