Goals and my divorce papers
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Goals and my divorce papers
It is a new year tomorrow and today I got the judgement in the mail for my divorce. Though it will not be 100% final until April 9th,2022 the judgement has been stamped by the judge and a dissolution has been granted!!! Literally just a waiting game now... April 9th 2022 I will have my former last name back and zero ties to my "official" ex AH ... I am a bit sad just cause I am lonely in the romantic department but I am also relieved. I am very lucky with some of the friends that I have.... So I thought I would write some goals down....
1. Finish my weight loss journey. The next steps are I see a endocrinologist ( hormone specialist ) on 1/12 ... I think I am having either a thyroid issue or a cortisol issue... I have done a lot of research... My average calorie intake is 1,200-1,400 a day and I work out (mostly cardio ) almost everyday and i am not loosing weight. I am not gaining but there is enough of a difficiency in calories and I eat high quality food 90% of the time... where I should be loosing. So my goal is to not get frusterated and give up... but to keep at it
2. To change career paths my July. I am a wedding planner and a busy one at that and I am not happy in this field any longer . I have been doing it for 13 years full time and 50-75 weddings a year is intense...the stress has gotten to me. I am booked up through June but after that I just have 3 weddings to do in the fall of 2022 so I am not taking any new clients and I am going to work on transitioning into something that feels more me...
3. To learn spanish
4. To open my heart to falling in love again
5. To design cloths again... I used to own a fashion boutique... I love designing...
6. To maybe move to Maui still in July... fingers crossed....
How is everyone else feeling tonight
1. Finish my weight loss journey. The next steps are I see a endocrinologist ( hormone specialist ) on 1/12 ... I think I am having either a thyroid issue or a cortisol issue... I have done a lot of research... My average calorie intake is 1,200-1,400 a day and I work out (mostly cardio ) almost everyday and i am not loosing weight. I am not gaining but there is enough of a difficiency in calories and I eat high quality food 90% of the time... where I should be loosing. So my goal is to not get frusterated and give up... but to keep at it
2. To change career paths my July. I am a wedding planner and a busy one at that and I am not happy in this field any longer . I have been doing it for 13 years full time and 50-75 weddings a year is intense...the stress has gotten to me. I am booked up through June but after that I just have 3 weddings to do in the fall of 2022 so I am not taking any new clients and I am going to work on transitioning into something that feels more me...
3. To learn spanish
4. To open my heart to falling in love again
5. To design cloths again... I used to own a fashion boutique... I love designing...
6. To maybe move to Maui still in July... fingers crossed....
How is everyone else feeling tonight
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Wow, Kaya!!!!
What an amazing life awaits you.
I totally understand leaving the wedding coordinator gig. I’ve been playing the organ around for almost 45 years, and have seen my share of bridezillas. Sometimes the mother of the bride is worse, as you know.
So happy for you!!!
What an amazing life awaits you.
I totally understand leaving the wedding coordinator gig. I’ve been playing the organ around for almost 45 years, and have seen my share of bridezillas. Sometimes the mother of the bride is worse, as you know.
So happy for you!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
I don't think you have to wait to take your old name back unless you want that change immediate and/or symbolic on that day. So long as you're not doing it to avoid prosecution from the law you're free to move forward on that,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,017
There is a certain synchronicity in receiving your divorce papers on New Years Eve Kaya. Congrats and condolences (please take as much of either that you need (-: )
The first step towards opening up to falling in love again is probably working on your relationship with yourself which it sure looks like you are doing.
I've been learning Spanish for most of my life and hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy it. Lots of fun.
The first step towards opening up to falling in love again is probably working on your relationship with yourself which it sure looks like you are doing.
I've been learning Spanish for most of my life and hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy it. Lots of fun.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 73
Kaya,
I’m still slogging through my drafts and financials… dang i think I started in late Sept. congrats on essentially getting to the finish line. You’re going in the right direction by setting goals and figuring out what’s best for you. Christmas goodies caught up to me this week… swear I gained back 5-pounds. Back to the routine on Monday though! Haven’t seen my AW in 6-months as of Tuesday ( her parents may have, but she’s avoided the rest of us like the plague). I think in a way that’s been best, but she also responded to a pretty harsh letter from my step daughter with quite a few excuses and some definite finger pointing at me…apparently she didn’t have a drinking problem till she married me 18-years ago. Also my step daughters feelings of the AW choosing booze and pills over caretaking of her daughters was “unfair” per the AW. I kind of have a feeling she’s not made a lot of progress. Her parting comment in that voicemail was “I didn’t know there was an expiration date on apologies”, ruffled all our feathers and gave us insight into how her mind is still working. I think deflection is still in play. Just one 5 second blurb of gratitude in the last 6 months would have gone along way instead of not wanting to address anything that we all had questions about.
I guess where I’m going with this, you have successfully closed your chapter and kudos to you! We’ve made it through the holidays, congrats to everyone on that. Here’s hoping 2022 is kinder and our paths are more defined.
I’m still slogging through my drafts and financials… dang i think I started in late Sept. congrats on essentially getting to the finish line. You’re going in the right direction by setting goals and figuring out what’s best for you. Christmas goodies caught up to me this week… swear I gained back 5-pounds. Back to the routine on Monday though! Haven’t seen my AW in 6-months as of Tuesday ( her parents may have, but she’s avoided the rest of us like the plague). I think in a way that’s been best, but she also responded to a pretty harsh letter from my step daughter with quite a few excuses and some definite finger pointing at me…apparently she didn’t have a drinking problem till she married me 18-years ago. Also my step daughters feelings of the AW choosing booze and pills over caretaking of her daughters was “unfair” per the AW. I kind of have a feeling she’s not made a lot of progress. Her parting comment in that voicemail was “I didn’t know there was an expiration date on apologies”, ruffled all our feathers and gave us insight into how her mind is still working. I think deflection is still in play. Just one 5 second blurb of gratitude in the last 6 months would have gone along way instead of not wanting to address anything that we all had questions about.
I guess where I’m going with this, you have successfully closed your chapter and kudos to you! We’ve made it through the holidays, congrats to everyone on that. Here’s hoping 2022 is kinder and our paths are more defined.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
My 10 year marriage, 11 year relationship with my alcoholic husband ended abruptly after he tested positive for COVID19 and passed away on 12/15/21. I've been devastated because I truly loved him and I accepted him for being who he was. I had a lot of self love in place for when he was actively drinking. It took me a long time to get to that place but I achieved it.
I am taking the next year to figure out who I am as a person. I know who I am as a mother and I knew who I was as a wife. I do not know who I am as a single, independent woman.
I have a solid career in the Department of Corrections as a Correctional Officer and I plan to retire from the DOC as it provides for me. We just bought a new home in July of 2020 after losing everything in a house fire and we just installed a brand new inground pool. I have 3 dogs that keep me busy and I'm not really interested in picking up another "man" if at all. I'm just looking to get through this grief and put my life back together after losing my mom, my dad, my husband and everything we owned over the last 3 years. Its been rough to say the least.
Good luck on your future endeavors.
I am taking the next year to figure out who I am as a person. I know who I am as a mother and I knew who I was as a wife. I do not know who I am as a single, independent woman.
I have a solid career in the Department of Corrections as a Correctional Officer and I plan to retire from the DOC as it provides for me. We just bought a new home in July of 2020 after losing everything in a house fire and we just installed a brand new inground pool. I have 3 dogs that keep me busy and I'm not really interested in picking up another "man" if at all. I'm just looking to get through this grief and put my life back together after losing my mom, my dad, my husband and everything we owned over the last 3 years. Its been rough to say the least.
Good luck on your future endeavors.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Originally Posted by velma929 
I don't think you have to wait to take your old name back unless you want that change immediate and/or symbolic on that day. So long as you're not doing it to avoid prosecution from the law you're free to move forward on that,
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by LovelyKaya33333
Oh I am even though it says that it isn't final until 4/9/2022??? That would be amazing
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
My 10 year marriage, 11 year relationship with my alcoholic husband ended abruptly after he tested positive for COVID19 and passed away on 12/15/21. I've been devastated because I truly loved him and I accepted him for being who he was. I had a lot of self love in place for when he was actively drinking. It took me a long time to get to that place but I achieved it.
I am taking the next year to figure out who I am as a person. I know who I am as a mother and I knew who I was as a wife. I do not know who I am as a single, independent woman.
I have a solid career in the Department of Corrections as a Correctional Officer and I plan to retire from the DOC as it provides for me. We just bought a new home in July of 2020 after losing everything in a house fire and we just installed a brand new inground pool. I have 3 dogs that keep me busy and I'm not really interested in picking up another "man" if at all. I'm just looking to get through this grief and put my life back together after losing my mom, my dad, my husband and everything we owned over the last 3 years. Its been rough to say the least.
Good luck on your future endeavors.
I am taking the next year to figure out who I am as a person. I know who I am as a mother and I knew who I was as a wife. I do not know who I am as a single, independent woman.
I have a solid career in the Department of Corrections as a Correctional Officer and I plan to retire from the DOC as it provides for me. We just bought a new home in July of 2020 after losing everything in a house fire and we just installed a brand new inground pool. I have 3 dogs that keep me busy and I'm not really interested in picking up another "man" if at all. I'm just looking to get through this grief and put my life back together after losing my mom, my dad, my husband and everything we owned over the last 3 years. Its been rough to say the least.
Good luck on your future endeavors.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,848
Hi Kaya.
Your post gives me the encouragement to make a change in the direction i need and feel in my bones. Im sorry your marriage didnt work out but it shows me how courageous you are. l often wish my mam would have done the same years ago but thats another story
I'm in a place at the moment where i know i need to change and to start its my job that needs changing. I've been in the same industry since i was a kid, left school at 15 and just took what ever job was going. Back in the 80s you were lucky to have a job at all, unfortunately most people emigrated and to cut a long story short i worked for different companies over the past 34 years but never felt complete or satisfied it was just an income to pay the bills.
Now one year sober and feeling like i have a new future i feel somthing is building inside me and i want to start something new so i will start a list today. Your post has given me that push even though i feel scared and feeling a bit of doubt im going to do it.
1 : Learn French properly
2 : Find a course in nutrition and Fitness
I know men in their 40s/50s are looking for something, just like me need a push from someone to do something to get healthy so i think i might be the one. No i am the one.
3: The most important one is stay sober and help anyone who needs it and to find the way to do it.
Thankyou again Kaya.
Your post gives me the encouragement to make a change in the direction i need and feel in my bones. Im sorry your marriage didnt work out but it shows me how courageous you are. l often wish my mam would have done the same years ago but thats another story
I'm in a place at the moment where i know i need to change and to start its my job that needs changing. I've been in the same industry since i was a kid, left school at 15 and just took what ever job was going. Back in the 80s you were lucky to have a job at all, unfortunately most people emigrated and to cut a long story short i worked for different companies over the past 34 years but never felt complete or satisfied it was just an income to pay the bills.
Now one year sober and feeling like i have a new future i feel somthing is building inside me and i want to start something new so i will start a list today. Your post has given me that push even though i feel scared and feeling a bit of doubt im going to do it.
1 : Learn French properly
2 : Find a course in nutrition and Fitness
I know men in their 40s/50s are looking for something, just like me need a push from someone to do something to get healthy so i think i might be the one. No i am the one.
3: The most important one is stay sober and help anyone who needs it and to find the way to do it.
Thankyou again Kaya.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,650
Originally Posted by LovelyKaya33333
Oh I am even though it says that it isn't final until 4/9/2022??? That would be amazing
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,017
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
My 10 year marriage, 11 year relationship with my alcoholic husband ended abruptly after he tested positive for COVID19 and passed away on 12/15/21. I've been devastated because I truly loved him and I accepted him for being who he was. I had a lot of self love in place for when he was actively drinking. It took me a long time to get to that place but I achieved it.
I am taking the next year to figure out who I am as a person. I know who I am as a mother and I knew who I was as a wife. I do not know who I am as a single, independent woman.
I have a solid career in the Department of Corrections as a Correctional Officer and I plan to retire from the DOC as it provides for me. We just bought a new home in July of 2020 after losing everything in a house fire and we just installed a brand new inground pool. I have 3 dogs that keep me busy and I'm not really interested in picking up another "man" if at all. I'm just looking to get through this grief and put my life back together after losing my mom, my dad, my husband and everything we owned over the last 3 years. Its been rough to say the least.
Good luck on your future endeavors.
I am taking the next year to figure out who I am as a person. I know who I am as a mother and I knew who I was as a wife. I do not know who I am as a single, independent woman.
I have a solid career in the Department of Corrections as a Correctional Officer and I plan to retire from the DOC as it provides for me. We just bought a new home in July of 2020 after losing everything in a house fire and we just installed a brand new inground pool. I have 3 dogs that keep me busy and I'm not really interested in picking up another "man" if at all. I'm just looking to get through this grief and put my life back together after losing my mom, my dad, my husband and everything we owned over the last 3 years. Its been rough to say the least.
Good luck on your future endeavors.
Did your AH have comorbidities? I remember you but not much of your story.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,585
BoxinRotz - What a terrible thing to go through. I remember how you worked hard to hold it together during all the challenges you were faced with.
I'll be praying for you to rise up out of this time & find some happiness & peace.
I'll be praying for you to rise up out of this time & find some happiness & peace.
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