Freshstart1111

My AXH gave our 21 year old son the biggest, most expensive Yeti cooler for Christmas with beer included. Our son recently was involved in what amounts really to a “bar fight” I guess (guys saying stuff to girls my son was with and the other group jumped my son after words exchanges). I had discussion after about the involvement of alcohol in the incident and resulting consequences, even though he did not necessarily cause the incident. He’s a college athlete and he is lucky the consequences weren’t worse than a sprained ankle and mild broken nose. I’ve had multiple conversations with him about alcoholism in the family and the odds stacked against him. I think he gets it but he’s 21 and drinks with his friends. I obviously am sensitive to all things alcohol so I worry my son would end up like my ex. So, needless to say, the huge cooler as a gift doesn’t sit well with me. I was hoping that the discussion and injuries he received would sink in. And maybe they have. But then the complete opposite message is given to him by his father. I just hope that what I’ve talked to my son about over the past few years keep him aware of the impacts of alcohol.
It’s hard to walk the line of knowing what is “normal” for a 21 year old and what might lead to him following in his fathers (and aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents) footsteps.

trailmix

I can't understand why any parent would give their child a boat load of alcohol as a gift - but hey, I'm not an alcoholic, probably seems like the best "gift" in the world!

Yes, what is normal, well I drank when I was young too, a lot really on weekends. Lots of alcoholism in the family but I'm not and neither are my siblings, we can all take it or leave it so who knows! I hope he realizes that anyone can become an alcoholic - otherwise he might be in the mindset of "oh that won't be me"! You know what I mean, I am also guessing he understands that once addicted there is no turning back.

dandylion

Freshstart......I totally understand your concern! Of course, there seems nothing you can do about what his father gives---except that you alreaddy did---which is to talk to him about the consequences of alcohol. When the kids are that age---peer pressure is so darn powerful, to them. Sigh.

I do have a suggestion that you might do. This is something that I might do----but, this is me, and you coulld just ignore me....because I have a snarky streak...lol.
You might consider giving your son the "Big Book" fof the group "Adult Children of Alcoholics" (ACOA), as well their basic literature. After all, he is now the adult child of an alcoholic, isn't he?
You might also give him the link to the facebook ACOA group.
lol...of course, he will probably ignore all of that----but on the slight chance that it might plant a "seed" for sometime in the future---it might be worth the effort. You never know. The worse that could happen is that he will just ignore it.

AldenSchooner

Wow.

Well, Yeti coolers are where it’s at right now, even though the one bought for your son is more suitable for transporting the fabricated meat from animals you’ve killed while hunting. SMH.

That it’s full of beer? I can see a perceived appropriateness to filling it with something meaningful for a 21-year-old. A family friend, who is as sober as they come, sent out his annual holiday card with a picture of his 21-year-old holding a case of beer. It’s not as bad as it sounds - his 16-year-old was holding a steering wheel. Everyone was holding something related to their age, and the family is very cute.

I drank a ton at that age, and I’ve never struggled with alcohol, even though my father was an alcoholic and three of my five male cousins drank themselves to death.

I might be in the minority here, but I believe substance abuse is almost always related to some kind of trauma, including mental illness.

Hopefully you and your son are able to have conversations about alcoholism, etc. But your son drinking and brawling doesn’t scream “emergency” quite yet. Actually, the brawling is more concerning than the drinking, IMHO.

velma929

In the city I work in, this happened:

A bar room disagreement spilled into the street. One fellow was sucker-punched, fell to the sidewalk, hit his head, and died from a concussion. The assailant went to trial for manslaughter. Don't remember if he was convicted or not, but his victim was dead either way. That's a lot to live with - if you're the one who survived.

Bernadette

Does your son acknowledge that his dad is an alcoholic and acknowledge the effects that has had on the family? Are you two able to discuss it openly? I hope so!

Peace,
B.