A short "personal insight" story for newcomers
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
A short "personal insight" story for newcomers
Hello all! I hope everyone's doing the best they can.
I wanted to share a little story about an experience I had recently.
Put briefly, it had been a day of trying to figure out a solution for getting data for a planned research project. My sup and I were almost at a point where we would have been okay using a paid optiong for some data. But then I kept trying-failing-trying-failing at a possible solution, when it finally worked out and no money had to be spent. I've received praise before, but the good words from my sup that followed this particular solution seemed ...excessive even. Since I have the utmost respect for her work, it was essentially the best bday gift I could organise for myself: solving a problem and being recognised by my role model.
In high spirits, I decided to go to the local supermarket and get some special treats for myself, like a wrap or some snacks. On my way I went. It was quite chilly outside already, but it wasn't completely dark just yet. The back parking lot of the supermarket - which is essentially just an extended strip of pavement - has, at its one end, a type of bicycle shack, or like a "roofed enclosure" for the employees' bikes. From where I approach the back of the supermarket, this little shack creates a blind corner between itself and the first parked car. So, there I was walking and whistling upbeat tunes in my head, when I noticed a guy standing at the corner of the shack, near the first car. He was holding an open beer can. I kept going and when the "blind corner" became visible, there was another guy. Taking a ****.
I must have audibly gasped, because my hands moved to my head in disbelief. I don't normally react so movie-like, but there it was. To the best of my recollection, I never went no 2 in a public place during my drinking years, but there were plenty of no 1s. Anyways, the fact that a drunk would be doing something like this should not have been that surprising to me, all things considered. I went to the store, got my stuff. As I was walking back, and through that back parking lot again, and was passing the blind corner / public no 2 spot, I caught myself thinking "thank heavens I'm sober". And shortly thereafter "This must be what people on SR mean when they say 'it gets so much better'".
Hence, it wasn't necessarily the fact that I was in high spirits what made me think "this must be what they mean". It also wasn't solely that guy taking a dump behinda bicycle shack in a supermarket parking lot. What it really was - I think - was the metaphorical distance between those two states of being, that's what sobriety is about for me and that's what I came here to tell you (or anyone who would read!). Putting distance between your past self and your current self can occur in many-many ways.
If you're just starting out, and unsure about what to do, and everyone's recommendations seem odd (or weird or unenforceable or "not for you"), then know that these recommendations are coming from a good place. A place that is, in a manner of speaking, quite distant from your current self, but where you could be quite soon. It's about the little things, and noticing them. Right - so maybe you're hungover and feeling like crap warmed up. But there's a distance between being hungover and still drinking. Maybe you feel sad and lonely even though you haven't been hungover for a week now already. Notice the distance again. Maybe you're feeling confused, because you've been sober for a month, but everything still seems fuzzy and out of place - but hey, you're not drinking, not hungover and not inconsolably sad. Notice the distance! And maybe you've gotten your stuff almost entirely together already, but still had a bad day at work. Notice that you weren't drunk, hungover, reeking of booze, tired, red-eyed ...there's a distinct distance between the current you and the past, drinking you, even if life currently seems to be out to get you. Y'know it is; life is out to get you, to get you to live it again.
And if you're trying and feel low, think like this: "At least I'm not taking a **** behind a bicycle shack in a supermarket parking lot". And notice the distance your current low and taking a public no 2.
I wanted to share a little story about an experience I had recently.
Put briefly, it had been a day of trying to figure out a solution for getting data for a planned research project. My sup and I were almost at a point where we would have been okay using a paid optiong for some data. But then I kept trying-failing-trying-failing at a possible solution, when it finally worked out and no money had to be spent. I've received praise before, but the good words from my sup that followed this particular solution seemed ...excessive even. Since I have the utmost respect for her work, it was essentially the best bday gift I could organise for myself: solving a problem and being recognised by my role model.
In high spirits, I decided to go to the local supermarket and get some special treats for myself, like a wrap or some snacks. On my way I went. It was quite chilly outside already, but it wasn't completely dark just yet. The back parking lot of the supermarket - which is essentially just an extended strip of pavement - has, at its one end, a type of bicycle shack, or like a "roofed enclosure" for the employees' bikes. From where I approach the back of the supermarket, this little shack creates a blind corner between itself and the first parked car. So, there I was walking and whistling upbeat tunes in my head, when I noticed a guy standing at the corner of the shack, near the first car. He was holding an open beer can. I kept going and when the "blind corner" became visible, there was another guy. Taking a ****.
I must have audibly gasped, because my hands moved to my head in disbelief. I don't normally react so movie-like, but there it was. To the best of my recollection, I never went no 2 in a public place during my drinking years, but there were plenty of no 1s. Anyways, the fact that a drunk would be doing something like this should not have been that surprising to me, all things considered. I went to the store, got my stuff. As I was walking back, and through that back parking lot again, and was passing the blind corner / public no 2 spot, I caught myself thinking "thank heavens I'm sober". And shortly thereafter "This must be what people on SR mean when they say 'it gets so much better'".
Hence, it wasn't necessarily the fact that I was in high spirits what made me think "this must be what they mean". It also wasn't solely that guy taking a dump behinda bicycle shack in a supermarket parking lot. What it really was - I think - was the metaphorical distance between those two states of being, that's what sobriety is about for me and that's what I came here to tell you (or anyone who would read!). Putting distance between your past self and your current self can occur in many-many ways.
If you're just starting out, and unsure about what to do, and everyone's recommendations seem odd (or weird or unenforceable or "not for you"), then know that these recommendations are coming from a good place. A place that is, in a manner of speaking, quite distant from your current self, but where you could be quite soon. It's about the little things, and noticing them. Right - so maybe you're hungover and feeling like crap warmed up. But there's a distance between being hungover and still drinking. Maybe you feel sad and lonely even though you haven't been hungover for a week now already. Notice the distance again. Maybe you're feeling confused, because you've been sober for a month, but everything still seems fuzzy and out of place - but hey, you're not drinking, not hungover and not inconsolably sad. Notice the distance! And maybe you've gotten your stuff almost entirely together already, but still had a bad day at work. Notice that you weren't drunk, hungover, reeking of booze, tired, red-eyed ...there's a distinct distance between the current you and the past, drinking you, even if life currently seems to be out to get you. Y'know it is; life is out to get you, to get you to live it again.
And if you're trying and feel low, think like this: "At least I'm not taking a **** behind a bicycle shack in a supermarket parking lot". And notice the distance your current low and taking a public no 2.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
What an awesome post, kk.
It’s hard to convey what “it gets better” really means. These little moments are unbelievably precious. Noticing the distance is a wonderful way to frame it.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
O
It’s hard to convey what “it gets better” really means. These little moments are unbelievably precious. Noticing the distance is a wonderful way to frame it.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
O
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 411
Hope the poor guy(s) are directed to a place of healing. But it's a sad reminder that the condition is always going to exist. It's a cautionary tale and an opportunity to practice gratitude all in one and also a lesson for newcomers to realise that this gets better the moment you put the bottle down, albeit in increments that you sometimes dont even realise. Awesome post KK, theres lessons there for us newcomers and I suspect for the more established as well. Thank you.
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