LovelyKaya33333

Hi So I am realizing I have had my exAH blocked for 3 days now and the level of peace in me is rising by the hour... I had blocked him in the past kept some line of communication open ... I had gone not talking for 2-3 weeks before ... I had blocked him fully but after a fight and only for a few days... this time I did it for me... I didn't do it for his reaction...

I didn't even tell him before I blocked like usual and I didn't do it out of anger. I just simply felt like it was self care. I have him blocked on my phone, my computer text, my email and social media... I realized I still had a tiny attachment to looking at my phone and wondering if he had texted... and even after only 3 days that thought process is gone. It is very freeing... Granted I have gone 6 months through hell in a handbag... crying everyday for the first 3-4 months... as most of you know... it is weird how detached I feel now. I was just watching a show and I finished a season and it is a show that came out after we separated and I realized infact the last series I watched before this show he wasn't hear for either... same with the weddings I do and the people I meet and the conversations I have.... The pictures on the wall no longer remind me of him... I don't see something and think "oh he would think this is funny"...

The very best part of this is that I actually did the work... I am really very proud of myself today... not to say I was perfect in doing the work by any means...but I leaned into it. I actually processed the pain and I grieved... I talked to trusted friends... I didn't numb with alcohol or men or food... I didn't over work myself to death to prove I was worthy still... I just sat and I cried... I allowed myself to feel it all... I think I learned the most valuable lesson in life from this and that is "if you let yourself feel pain.. and you don't run from it but allow it to knock on your front door and you let it in and stay ...it will lose its power and control and it will teach you".... I am not scared to be hurt anymore... I am happy today, and proud of myself today. I know everyday won't feel like this but today I feel like a warrior who fought for my emotional and mental freedom... I used to feel like a sad story of a woman whos husband left her.... What a difference 6 months can make... Thank you all for your support...

When I came here 6 years ago I was lost, beaten and confused... and even though I chose to stay with an alcoholic and came back many times with new emotional wounds to show and prove I was still in this mess... I am so happy to be on the other side of it now... Thank you

PeacefulWater12

Great to read your update. No contact does work. Unhooking from the craziness allows us to recover our composure and heal.

Triggered

Now that you've flushed your system, it's really up to you what you fill it back up again with. Youre an SR vet....I'm sure you already know what should replace all that angst and negativity.

sage1969

I have found in all parts of my life that I find more and more peace the more I let go. Not necessarily the material things; I used to save messages and voicemails along with memories and photos. It wasn't the treasuring of memories that was problematic but the actual ties to people and experiences that I was allowing to become too strong, too much of a focus.

I've found that be letting go of these connections, whether from old relationships or even current ones, I'm able to focus on the moment and what I'm experiencing now, who I'm interacting with now. Sometimes it's easiest for me to do this by actually deleting voicemail, deleting message chains, shredding or burning journal pages. For me, cherishing special memories but living in my now means letting go, and by doing that, I do let go of what doesn't serve me anymore. This doesn't mean I am ending every relationship, it seems I make more room for meaningful interactions if I'm not holding so tightly onto past memories and experiences.

When you were talking about blocking, it seemed like this is another "physical" way to strengthen personal boundaries but also to let go of connections that just no longer serve.

Payne9

Im thinking this is the way for me. I just need the extra security to help me let go

velma929

When I broke up with my first bf, I purged the apartment of everything connected to him. I threw out any pictures of him or with him. Oddly, I still stayed in contact, a little, until I got married. I toyed with the idea of contacting him years later, but you know what? I remembered he was never, ever sorry for anything he did, it was unlikely time had improved him and it would be me reaching out to him - again. I'd have been irritated all over again to speak with him and have him NOT apologize.

He died in September. One of our mutual friends has jokingly suggested getting together a support group for all the people he hurt.