Suzieq17

Been sober 11 months. Worked Step 1-3. Been solo on sobriety most of the time. Been focused on me this past year—taking care of mind, body and soul. Dealing with feelings, losing 30lbs, setting a new goal for my career that provides purpose. I bought new clothes, started caring about me, and have been feeling better—inside and out. I have taken the first year of sobriety just for me.

I have implemented better social skills —Listening more, giving more, complimenting people more, attending functions BUT somehow I don’t feel like I’m connecting with people. I’d like to take my second year of sobriety and focus on overcoming any lingering self centered tendencies—which I feel I still have.

Any suggestions on how to address the self centered tendencies associated with addiction and any mindful techniques to help appreciated. I am a work in progress, and I’m ok with that 😊

Dee74

Congrats on that sober time Suzie

I try to ask questions of people and really listen for the answers.
Some days are harder than others to do that....some conversations too .

I have to accept tho I'm not a terribly social person even now...do you aim for a higher grade of connectedness because thats what you want ...or because you feel that's what other people must have?

D

stickyone

Congratulations on your recovery. It sounds like you are doing great and along with being sober you have changed your physical image losing weight and new clothes and self care. In my experience in recovery we sometimes do a total 180 from the person we used to be in a amazing way . Some will be happy some not. But what really matters is that you are happy with yourself. Go through it and grow through it.

DriGuy

There's good self centeredness and unhelpful self centeredness. Nothing that you have described about yourself is the bad kind. In fact, recovery requires a type of self centeredness that is vital for our success.

Connecting with other people does not require that you must sacrifice the good parts of yourself. Connecting is something separate from self care, self love, or pride. It does not have to be one or the other.

sugarbear1

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sugarbear1

Steps 1-3 are self-centered steps. If you move past step 3, you will find your patterns of behaving and your self will not be so centered on self. Work step 3, move past it through to 7 at least (this is where step 2 came alive for me!), then continue on to 12. This is where freedom awaits you!

sugarbear1

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doggonecarl

I am in agreement with DriGuy...there are positives and negatives to focus on "self." When did being self centered become a bad thing. Being self centered is not the same as being selfish, narcissistic, hedonistic, or self-absorbed.

least

What DriGuy and Carl said. Your 'self centeredness' is not a bad thing, it's just taking good care of yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Self care is not the same thing as selfish. Working on being your best self is crucial to being a decent human being. And if you love yourself, it's a lot easier to love others.

Suzieq17

Thanks everyone. I’ll keep doing what I’m doing and adding personal growth strategies. I never thought I would make it this far—best decision of my life to get sober. Thankful for this forum and all of you ❤️ Again, I’m a work in progress and I’m ok with that.

Surrendered19

I'm going to steal a great suggestion that Dee and Anna have both suggested in the past - volunteerism. Go work at a shelter or do some outreach to some of your local elders who need some company, etc. Volunteering is a great way to connect with other volunteers and forge new connections for yourself.

Suzieq17

I actually decided on a path in education—so I could help teach kids and I have found great fulfillment in that so far. But volunteering is a great idea too! Thank you!!

Ladysadie

be gentle with your self. it takes practice and patience. You are your own best friend. Just know it takes time. your thinking will start to shift.

advbike

Great job on all the self-improvement Suzieq17. Teaching is a selfless way to better other's lives.