Commitment to sobriety
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Join Date: Sep 2021
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Commitment to sobriety
Hi, I've been reading these forums for a while, and would like to ask a question. Alcohol is my drug of choice but, based on everything I've read here and also heard in other recovery communities, I would need a very serious commitment to quitting. I do want to be sober, my life is always much better whenever I stay away from the drug even for just a few days or weeks, but I continue to relapse because I also like the immediate effects. I very much relate to the posts I've read about lack of commitment, and would love to hear more from those of you that successfully overcame that barrier. My life is still quite good, but I can easily see it deteriorating if I don't quit soon. Thanks in advance.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,520
Hi and Welcome, Yes, you did need to make a big commitment to your sobriety. As long as you crave the immediate effects of alcohol, it will be difficult for you. However, I think you probably need more than a few days or weeks to see the benefits of sobriety more clearly. It took me a few months before I began to see real positive effects.
I'm glad you posted.
I'm glad you posted.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, it is a big commitment, but it's also just *A* commitment much like any other. Getting up with the alarm so I'll make it to work? Commitment. Fixing healthy meals? Commitment. Paying taxes or bills so I'll have a home/car/electricity/phone/roads/bus service/medical care/police or fire assistance? Commitment.
When I decided to do only that which is good for me, it was a no-brainer. The only good that ever came from alcohol was an illusion. I see that now that I've left it behind.
When I decided to do only that which is good for me, it was a no-brainer. The only good that ever came from alcohol was an illusion. I see that now that I've left it behind.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Welcome, this is an incredible place so congrats on finding it.
I think what you are defining is as common as any experience for those of us who want to, need to and have gotten sober. There is an ambivalence that emerges during our drinking days that, for many, and I can speak for myself, becomes unbearable. It is this desire to get sober, this drive and deep want to clean up and make whole your life that is, at the same time, being fought against by another part of your self that fears the commitment, that pushes against and wants to remain drinking. I found that I felt divided against my self at the end of my drinking days. And this division became painful on psychic levels, as well as destroying the parts of my life that mattered most. So the "commitment" that you mention is, in my opinion, a way that the part of you that wants to keep drinking pushes against the part of you that knows sobriety will serve you and your life. Of course it is true that quitting drinking takes work, discipline and changes in habits that may have formed for decades. But keeping drinking is also a kind of "commitment" and that which is sacrificed to that commitment will become clearer, more serious and sadly more impactful the longer it takes us to quit.
I think what you are defining is as common as any experience for those of us who want to, need to and have gotten sober. There is an ambivalence that emerges during our drinking days that, for many, and I can speak for myself, becomes unbearable. It is this desire to get sober, this drive and deep want to clean up and make whole your life that is, at the same time, being fought against by another part of your self that fears the commitment, that pushes against and wants to remain drinking. I found that I felt divided against my self at the end of my drinking days. And this division became painful on psychic levels, as well as destroying the parts of my life that mattered most. So the "commitment" that you mention is, in my opinion, a way that the part of you that wants to keep drinking pushes against the part of you that knows sobriety will serve you and your life. Of course it is true that quitting drinking takes work, discipline and changes in habits that may have formed for decades. But keeping drinking is also a kind of "commitment" and that which is sacrificed to that commitment will become clearer, more serious and sadly more impactful the longer it takes us to quit.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
When I decided to do only that which is good for me,.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
welcome 
I let things go until it was almost the point of no return - it was either drink or die or stop.
I’d lost my career, relationships, self respect…
Fortunately I learned here that people don’t need to fall as low as I did.
You can decide to quit at anytime, and although the initial period is not easy, you will find a new life better than the drinking one you left behind.
Lean on the community here…use us to help when things get tough.
I hope you decide to give it a go wan2bsober
D
I let things go until it was almost the point of no return - it was either drink or die or stop.
I’d lost my career, relationships, self respect…
Fortunately I learned here that people don’t need to fall as low as I did.
You can decide to quit at anytime, and although the initial period is not easy, you will find a new life better than the drinking one you left behind.
Lean on the community here…use us to help when things get tough.
I hope you decide to give it a go wan2bsober
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 38
I’m in the same boat but beginning to not like the immediate effects or at least coming to realise they are heavily outweighed by the downside. The pendulum as swung for me which might finally give me chance to try a different sobriety approach rather than the cut down one which most wiser people say is futile if you’re actually an alcoholic
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome wan2besober, it's encouraging to see you here seeking change for the better even when things might not have completely fallen apart. Many of us waited too long until things got really bad, so you have a fantastic opportunity we did not have.
As far as what it took for me to overcome that barrier, it was acceptance of the fact that if I drink, bad things will always happen. And also acceptance that I can never change that fact. It really boils down to an internal choice as many here have mentioned. Consequences rarely keep us sober for long, because they almost always subside, even very severe ones - so it's got to be a conscious choice/effort to want something better. Some people do seem keep waiting for a "rock bottom" until they get serious about it, but again - things can always get worse, no matter how bad it gets.
As far as what it took for me to overcome that barrier, it was acceptance of the fact that if I drink, bad things will always happen. And also acceptance that I can never change that fact. It really boils down to an internal choice as many here have mentioned. Consequences rarely keep us sober for long, because they almost always subside, even very severe ones - so it's got to be a conscious choice/effort to want something better. Some people do seem keep waiting for a "rock bottom" until they get serious about it, but again - things can always get worse, no matter how bad it gets.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,172
Commitment is a big deal here. It has to be, because there will be (at first) a constant struggle with cravings combined with your AV telling you one little drink won't hurt. Without the commitment to a zero tolerance approach to these issues, you WILL fail. What does that feel like? I remember planning to avoid all places, parties, and people who might tempt me to drink for the first 6 months and to reevaluate at the end of that time. I was willing to take this to the mat so to speak. No one was going to get in my way. I felt confident about myself, but had little trust in myself when around others.
This may feel different to others in recovery. We are not all the same. Even at my age, I was very subject to peer pressure, so I had to commit to not taking any crap from anyone. I imagined myself as an army tank crashing through walls and flattening fences. Any obstruction that got in my way would be removed. There would be no negotiation, and I was not taking prisoners. This probably sounds humorous, but I was dead serious.
This may feel different to others in recovery. We are not all the same. Even at my age, I was very subject to peer pressure, so I had to commit to not taking any crap from anyone. I imagined myself as an army tank crashing through walls and flattening fences. Any obstruction that got in my way would be removed. There would be no negotiation, and I was not taking prisoners. This probably sounds humorous, but I was dead serious.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,949
Interesting topic. I never thought of it as a commitment like getting married or taking out a mortgage. As you’re finding, though, the drinking reaches a stage where it can’t be moderated, and the only way to have any sort of decent life after that is to quit. For me (sober 34 months), the choices are:
a) have a great life, have a few cravings every few weeks, but never drink again
b) try and moderate, be a heavy drinker again within weeks, carry on wasting my life
I see it more as acceptance rather than commitment. You mentioned instant gratification, and I’d certainly get that if I drank a glass of wine, but then I’d be choosing option (b). It sounds like you’re not ready to quit, but if you start craving for a drink most days/evenings, it’s time to gracefully retire from drinking.
a) have a great life, have a few cravings every few weeks, but never drink again
b) try and moderate, be a heavy drinker again within weeks, carry on wasting my life
I see it more as acceptance rather than commitment. You mentioned instant gratification, and I’d certainly get that if I drank a glass of wine, but then I’d be choosing option (b). It sounds like you’re not ready to quit, but if you start craving for a drink most days/evenings, it’s time to gracefully retire from drinking.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Isolate the thinking, the part of you that is beating You over the head with the idea that ‘it’s’ a barrier and jettison that thinking.
Right this second you can decide that you will not put alcohol in your mouth ever again. The only barrier to that decision is more booze, the commitment isn’t the barrier.
There are a lot of people around here than can help advise and support your decision and share strategies about avoiding the barrier .
Come back often, ask , post , read, Rootin for ya
Right this second you can decide that you will not put alcohol in your mouth ever again. The only barrier to that decision is more booze, the commitment isn’t the barrier.
There are a lot of people around here than can help advise and support your decision and share strategies about avoiding the barrier .
Come back often, ask , post , read, Rootin for ya
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 17
Thanks for the kind welcome and words. I don't usually have problems with commitment to important things in life (jobs, family, financial obligations etc), it's part of why the struggle with alcohol puzzles me. I guess if it's an addiction, that makes it different from all those other engagements. I especially like the suggestion that seeing my hesitancy as a barrier may be part of the problem. Like when we tell ourselves we can't do something, how it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am not sure I would agree that the instant gratification and temporary high from alcohol is an illusion. It does happen in the body and mind, why would any of us drink alcohol if it didn't? I never even enjoyed the taste of it much. Pretty much everyone I know drinks because it's an enjoyable boost to activities. But is it necessary? I don't think so, I feel it's more a luxury like taking a dip in a jacuzzi, but unlike the jacuzzi bath, alcohol can be harmful. I almost always say or do something I regret these days and the hangovers are getting worse. I didn't even recognize some of the symptoms as a hangover until I read about it recently in more detail.
Is there a relatively concise list of things that can help support stopping? I have been reading this site for a few weeks, but honestly it's a bit overwhelming, I am not sure where to start. I would like to find things to practice in everyday life to aid acceptance of not drinking and the commitment I don't yet have. I can definitely start by not attending events where drinking is encouraged, although I would not say I ever drink due to peer pressure, I do because I like those effects for a few hours, why I also keep alcohol at home. I can get rid of my liquor, but how to make sure I won't be tempted to buy more? Unlike illegal drugs, it's so available.
I am not sure I would agree that the instant gratification and temporary high from alcohol is an illusion. It does happen in the body and mind, why would any of us drink alcohol if it didn't? I never even enjoyed the taste of it much. Pretty much everyone I know drinks because it's an enjoyable boost to activities. But is it necessary? I don't think so, I feel it's more a luxury like taking a dip in a jacuzzi, but unlike the jacuzzi bath, alcohol can be harmful. I almost always say or do something I regret these days and the hangovers are getting worse. I didn't even recognize some of the symptoms as a hangover until I read about it recently in more detail.
Is there a relatively concise list of things that can help support stopping? I have been reading this site for a few weeks, but honestly it's a bit overwhelming, I am not sure where to start. I would like to find things to practice in everyday life to aid acceptance of not drinking and the commitment I don't yet have. I can definitely start by not attending events where drinking is encouraged, although I would not say I ever drink due to peer pressure, I do because I like those effects for a few hours, why I also keep alcohol at home. I can get rid of my liquor, but how to make sure I won't be tempted to buy more? Unlike illegal drugs, it's so available.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I am not sure I would agree that the instant gratification and temporary high from alcohol is an illusion. It does happen in the body and mind, why would any of us drink alcohol if it didn't?
Real life and a clear head and clear conscience is far more satisfying.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
I didn’t quit drinking because I stopped liking drinking. I still love the feeling of being drunk. I don’t know if that will ever change. I just don’t like the consequences. The anxiety, the depression, the shame, the destroyed relationships, the stunted emotional growth, the health impacts, the legal troubles. The list goes on. I can’t control my drinking so I chose to quit.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,172
I would add to bimini about the euphoria. Try paying attention to how long it lasts. For many of us, that buzz from a drink starts getting shorter the deeper we get into our alcoholism. For me it eventually got to where there was that familiar feeling of well being that lasted only a minute or two, and then I "settled in" to more serious drinking. I don't remember a buzz for the rest of the night. It simply became me feeding my addiction.
But that behavior wasn't just a habit. I was doing what came naturally, even though it was against my better judgement. I was "taking care" of my addiction so that it would stop bothering me, and everything was hunky-dory for the rest of the night, until I woke up the next morning feeling hung over and sorry about what I had done.
About the commitment to sobriety being different than a commitment to marriage or paying the bills, you know, those "more important things." If you are an alcoholic, it seems to me that your commitment to sobriety is just as important or maybe more so than to those other things. Is it actually different? I never thought about it being different, and there may be actual differences, which are up to you to figure out. But it is every bit as important.
May I ask, do you really think you are an alcoholic, or are you just doing this for reasons like health, or to stop doing stupid embarrassing things around others?
But that behavior wasn't just a habit. I was doing what came naturally, even though it was against my better judgement. I was "taking care" of my addiction so that it would stop bothering me, and everything was hunky-dory for the rest of the night, until I woke up the next morning feeling hung over and sorry about what I had done.
About the commitment to sobriety being different than a commitment to marriage or paying the bills, you know, those "more important things." If you are an alcoholic, it seems to me that your commitment to sobriety is just as important or maybe more so than to those other things. Is it actually different? I never thought about it being different, and there may be actual differences, which are up to you to figure out. But it is every bit as important.
May I ask, do you really think you are an alcoholic, or are you just doing this for reasons like health, or to stop doing stupid embarrassing things around others?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by biminiblue
I was the one who said that the good that comes from alcohol is an illusion. Yes it is a poisonous toxic substance that alters perception and produces a euphoria. It is a fake euphoria though. As soon as the toxins are metabolized that disappears. I don't want a fake euphoria and I don't want that kind of illusion. That is all drinking offers.
Real life and a clear head and clear conscience is far more satisfying.
Real life and a clear head and clear conscience is far more satisfying.
I meant it's different from the other commitments, as I don't have similar internal conflicts about the others, or when I do, I resolve them rather than cultivating and making them grow, like with alcohol. For example, I ended relationships when they were definitely not good anymore, changed jobs and advanced my education when I was dissatisfied with career stuff. I can also usually take stress for a good cause or goal. I didn't feel stuck and running in circles around those other decisions, but I do with alcohol. Committing to doing something worthwhile or leaving negative situations was never as difficult.
I think I'm addicted to the fast high. Yes, it does not last long, maybe 4-5 hours when I drink, then I'm just sleepy and often sick the day after. I have not noticed that the high lasts shorter or is less palatable than years ago, but the negatives are definitely getting more remarkable. I've taken a few tests online, and the results indicate probability of a substance use disorder, what we call alcoholism in popular language I believe. I feel my health suffers and I do embarrassing things because I drink too much and can't easily stop myself from repeating it. Well, I haven't so far. I don't drink every day, it's usually 1-2 times a week, sometimes out sometimes at home, but the consequences add stress to my life. How do people get started on a truly sober life, is it just to promise myself not to drink? I read many people say they cannot beat an addiction by themselves, but what should I do then?
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
By being sober you are trading in immediate release/gratification for a long road to recovery. It's certainly the road less travelled and on this path we have to work really hard at keep our "reasons for staying sober" alive at all times.
Drinking doesn't require any work at all...you drink and you have relief instantly. But this is the world we are living in...everyone wants their immediate gratification. This is not growth. It's just drinking to get rid of anxiety that builds up when you can't drink.
And don't even get me started on how alcohol messed with my base-line emotions...my compass was way off.
If you want to experience some real growth as a human, ditch the booze and give it 5 years....that's how I'm doing it and I'm on day 658 sober.
When I look back at my one-year-sober-self, wow, I've changed a lot. There is no doubt alcohol was stunting my growth. For me, it's taken a whole 18 months to return to the person I was. I still have problems but I love being alive now...most of the time lol.
Just the absence of questioning and trying to moderate itself is a tremendous relief.
A sober life is a good life!
Drinking doesn't require any work at all...you drink and you have relief instantly. But this is the world we are living in...everyone wants their immediate gratification. This is not growth. It's just drinking to get rid of anxiety that builds up when you can't drink.
And don't even get me started on how alcohol messed with my base-line emotions...my compass was way off.
If you want to experience some real growth as a human, ditch the booze and give it 5 years....that's how I'm doing it and I'm on day 658 sober.
When I look back at my one-year-sober-self, wow, I've changed a lot. There is no doubt alcohol was stunting my growth. For me, it's taken a whole 18 months to return to the person I was. I still have problems but I love being alive now...most of the time lol.
Just the absence of questioning and trying to moderate itself is a tremendous relief.
A sober life is a good life!
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Join Date: Sep 2021
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I must admit looking at it as a long road is a bit scary and discouraging, but probably because of I'm much more used to the instant "gratification". I just turned 31 recently, so five years sound like a lot, but I feel a need for shifting my focus and values in other areas as well to more mature investments. I like the idea of viewing giving up the drink as a necessary vehicle to personal growth, this is a mindset I can definitely work with. I usually enjoy evolving and developing skills. But I can't see any reason not to approach stopping drinking as an immediate positive change that could lead to yet unknown progress, or at least prevent a premature decline. Another reason I started thinking about all this more seriously is because my partner and I also decided to start a family and I feel very committed to creating a good background for all of us, at least as good as I had growing up. Continuing to chase the high would interfere with that and many other things sooner or later, it's not hard to foresee but hard to accept.
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Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 17
I’ve read in a different section of this website about making a single decision about permanent sobriety and monitoring the addictive voice to maintain it. I very much like that idea, also because I already have problems identifying with the part of me that does stupid things drunk and wastes time recovering from it. I never looked at my desire to drink in that way before and will give it a try as any of the other alternatives I see, including revisiting this every day and getting into more convoluted and stressful thoughts about it, seems like throwing away time and energy. Even my posts on this thread are circular already, and it's time to stop it. I just would like to find more helpful tips to maintain my decision and not drinking as, so far, I have not used anything to help myself in any serious way.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
five years sounds like a long time but it's an upward progression the whole way (or at least so far for me). If it wasn't, I'd be back to drinking by now.
I drank every day for many years and I tried quitting so many times. I was always drawn back to it because I thought life without alcohol wouldn't be worth living...how would I survive without my release?
22 months sober has given me a new perspective. I still get my release but in healthier ways. Sex is better (took a while), I love the rush of working out hard to good music (just started this year) and the joy of falling on the couch after a hard days work and eating dark chocolate can't be matched! There are so many good things to be had, we just have to go after them. I don't crave for alcohol AT ALL anymore.
All the best on your journey
I drank every day for many years and I tried quitting so many times. I was always drawn back to it because I thought life without alcohol wouldn't be worth living...how would I survive without my release?
22 months sober has given me a new perspective. I still get my release but in healthier ways. Sex is better (took a while), I love the rush of working out hard to good music (just started this year) and the joy of falling on the couch after a hard days work and eating dark chocolate can't be matched! There are so many good things to be had, we just have to go after them. I don't crave for alcohol AT ALL anymore.
All the best on your journey
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