117 Days, Doing Pretty Well
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: Seeking a peaceful state of mind
Posts: 99
117 Days, Doing Pretty Well
Hey All,
So sorry for the long absence. I have wanted to post several times, at 90, at 100 days, but I finally decided that I needed to post. So I am still alcohol free. It is really hard to believe, but at the same time not such a big deal; it's a strange and wonderful thing.
For the GOOD:
I feel better than I have in a long time, in spite of some issues I will touch on in a bit. This is the longest I have been without alcohol in more than 10 years I am pretty sure. My general attitude toward life is better. My patience with the little things that used to set me off is much improved, though it takes conscious effort for my long habit of being persnickety about details. I feel closer to my kids than ever. I help my 6 year old son with his homework as much as I can and am so happy to see him learn and grow. I missed out on that with my 11 year old daughter. My daughter has noticed a change in me and (she's just like speaking with an adult -excellent vocabulary) noted at the dinner table that she hadn't seen me drink beer or wine in long time and asked why. I told the whole family that I didn't like the way alcohol made me feel and that I drank too much of it before, so I'm not drinking now. I kept it simple. My wife and I are better, a little, but she's not as affectionate as I wish she was. I got a new full time job doing what I do, no contracting as I have for almost 6 years around the Country. Such a blessing it is, pays less than I'm used to, etc., but I am feeling more stable and I'm treated well. I'm not sure if stopping the booze helped get me the job, as I had paid a lot of dues in the past years. I mean to say that they really wanted me, and the story of getting the job is pretty amazing. I so glad that I was sober through it all. I still feel almost weird, in a good way, not to go to work hung over day after day after day. I'm seeing little bit of improvement in my health and actually have the energy, more so than before to try take better care, like brushing my damn teeth twice a day. I wasn't a slob, or malodorous, but I used to cut corners to have more time to dedicate my waking hours to the drinking life. My bloodwork shows some improvement as my platelet count is up a small bit.
For the BAD:
I have some on-going health issues because of the years of abuse, namely cirrhosis of my liver and the issues that brings with it. I'm classified in the early stages: cirrhosis without ascites. Which means that I have scarred my liver, but I don't have fluid leaking out of it badly enough to fill my peritoneal sack, the sack the holds all our guts below the diaphragm. I'm still having distal edema, meaning swelling in my extremities, my left leg, ankle and foot being the worst. If it goes unchecked, it gets to be a pain, litterally, so I have to be on a low salt diet and am taking two diuretics and a potassium supplement to counteract the diuretic's (lasix) taking large amounts of potassium out of my system. I pee a ton, and it's not the normal kind where one slowly gets the urge to go, this comes on like gangbusters and gives me the pee-shivers, literally. ha-ha. The urgency usually tapers off by noon or so if I get my meds in early, but it's been hell in the new job to have to get up to pee all the time in meetings. I am also constantly thirsty on the diuretics. My A1C is 4.5, so no diabetes. I have alcoholic nephropathy in my feet and that can be quite painful, especially when they get swollen with fluids. I suppose the hardest part of the bad things I'm recounting here are that I know that I DID THIS TO MYSELF, and I knew better, as I have better than a layman's medical knowledge given what I do for a living. Even without that, I went against medical advise for years. I'm working still on forgiveness; forgiving myself is difficult for me. My sleep is still not good, some really bad dreams lately, probably from the fear and stress of failing at the new job and failing sobriety -who knows. The headaches can be brutal when they come and some days I have one from the moment I wake until sometimes bedtime. I have had recurring cellulitis in my left leg, which is due to the edema (swelling) and also simply that once one has cirrhosis, the immune system is compromised. Cellulitis is quite painful and when it hits hard my whole body aches into my bones and joints. I usually have to just lay and sleep to deal with it.
I guess that is enough of the bad stuff. I do know this, that if I was still drinking, I would be a whole lot worse! I try to focus on appreciation every day. I try not to count the days without booze, because in truth, most days I don't think about drinking too much. This, I appreciate. I don't have a magic ball, I can't tell the future, but I surely don't ever want to go back. I'm told that I really won't start to feel better and "understand" until I reach a year of sobriety. I want to know that feeling and beyond.
Thanks so much for everyone hear who has helped me. I hope my post helps you if you are suffering. You are not alone if you are suffering, and please know it is not the end. I once served on an inter-faith group when I was in college and wasn't a drunk. I learned a lot about other religions and found Buddhism to be very interesting. I ended up having several friends who were. The other day, this prayer was sent to me in my email out of the blue. I loved reading it, have kept it and thought I would share:
"May all beings everywhere plagued with sufferings of body and mind quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid, and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power, and may people think of befriending each other.
May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness - the children, the aged, the unprotected - be guarded by beneficent celestials, and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood."
-Shakyamuni Buddha, aka Siddhartha
Take care,
Max
So sorry for the long absence. I have wanted to post several times, at 90, at 100 days, but I finally decided that I needed to post. So I am still alcohol free. It is really hard to believe, but at the same time not such a big deal; it's a strange and wonderful thing.
For the GOOD:
I feel better than I have in a long time, in spite of some issues I will touch on in a bit. This is the longest I have been without alcohol in more than 10 years I am pretty sure. My general attitude toward life is better. My patience with the little things that used to set me off is much improved, though it takes conscious effort for my long habit of being persnickety about details. I feel closer to my kids than ever. I help my 6 year old son with his homework as much as I can and am so happy to see him learn and grow. I missed out on that with my 11 year old daughter. My daughter has noticed a change in me and (she's just like speaking with an adult -excellent vocabulary) noted at the dinner table that she hadn't seen me drink beer or wine in long time and asked why. I told the whole family that I didn't like the way alcohol made me feel and that I drank too much of it before, so I'm not drinking now. I kept it simple. My wife and I are better, a little, but she's not as affectionate as I wish she was. I got a new full time job doing what I do, no contracting as I have for almost 6 years around the Country. Such a blessing it is, pays less than I'm used to, etc., but I am feeling more stable and I'm treated well. I'm not sure if stopping the booze helped get me the job, as I had paid a lot of dues in the past years. I mean to say that they really wanted me, and the story of getting the job is pretty amazing. I so glad that I was sober through it all. I still feel almost weird, in a good way, not to go to work hung over day after day after day. I'm seeing little bit of improvement in my health and actually have the energy, more so than before to try take better care, like brushing my damn teeth twice a day. I wasn't a slob, or malodorous, but I used to cut corners to have more time to dedicate my waking hours to the drinking life. My bloodwork shows some improvement as my platelet count is up a small bit.
For the BAD:
I have some on-going health issues because of the years of abuse, namely cirrhosis of my liver and the issues that brings with it. I'm classified in the early stages: cirrhosis without ascites. Which means that I have scarred my liver, but I don't have fluid leaking out of it badly enough to fill my peritoneal sack, the sack the holds all our guts below the diaphragm. I'm still having distal edema, meaning swelling in my extremities, my left leg, ankle and foot being the worst. If it goes unchecked, it gets to be a pain, litterally, so I have to be on a low salt diet and am taking two diuretics and a potassium supplement to counteract the diuretic's (lasix) taking large amounts of potassium out of my system. I pee a ton, and it's not the normal kind where one slowly gets the urge to go, this comes on like gangbusters and gives me the pee-shivers, literally. ha-ha. The urgency usually tapers off by noon or so if I get my meds in early, but it's been hell in the new job to have to get up to pee all the time in meetings. I am also constantly thirsty on the diuretics. My A1C is 4.5, so no diabetes. I have alcoholic nephropathy in my feet and that can be quite painful, especially when they get swollen with fluids. I suppose the hardest part of the bad things I'm recounting here are that I know that I DID THIS TO MYSELF, and I knew better, as I have better than a layman's medical knowledge given what I do for a living. Even without that, I went against medical advise for years. I'm working still on forgiveness; forgiving myself is difficult for me. My sleep is still not good, some really bad dreams lately, probably from the fear and stress of failing at the new job and failing sobriety -who knows. The headaches can be brutal when they come and some days I have one from the moment I wake until sometimes bedtime. I have had recurring cellulitis in my left leg, which is due to the edema (swelling) and also simply that once one has cirrhosis, the immune system is compromised. Cellulitis is quite painful and when it hits hard my whole body aches into my bones and joints. I usually have to just lay and sleep to deal with it.
I guess that is enough of the bad stuff. I do know this, that if I was still drinking, I would be a whole lot worse! I try to focus on appreciation every day. I try not to count the days without booze, because in truth, most days I don't think about drinking too much. This, I appreciate. I don't have a magic ball, I can't tell the future, but I surely don't ever want to go back. I'm told that I really won't start to feel better and "understand" until I reach a year of sobriety. I want to know that feeling and beyond.
Thanks so much for everyone hear who has helped me. I hope my post helps you if you are suffering. You are not alone if you are suffering, and please know it is not the end. I once served on an inter-faith group when I was in college and wasn't a drunk. I learned a lot about other religions and found Buddhism to be very interesting. I ended up having several friends who were. The other day, this prayer was sent to me in my email out of the blue. I loved reading it, have kept it and thought I would share:
"May all beings everywhere plagued with sufferings of body and mind quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid, and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power, and may people think of befriending each other.
May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness - the children, the aged, the unprotected - be guarded by beneficent celestials, and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood."
-Shakyamuni Buddha, aka Siddhartha
Take care,
Max
Last edited by MaxVano; 09-25-2021 at 11:50 PM. Reason: typos
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,546
Well done on 117 days Max but sorry to read about your health problems. Hopefully, as time progresses then some of effects of the health problems you have do reduce in intensity. Excellent HbA1c reading though as many people with alcohol problems can have elevated levels bordering on or above diabetic levels and yours is well below diabetic levels.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,187
Originally Posted by MaxVano 
Hey All,
So sorry for the long absence. I have wanted to post several times, at 90, at 100 days, but I finally decided that I needed to post. So I am still alcohol free. It is really hard to believe, but at the same time not such a big deal; it's a strange and wonderful thing.
So sorry for the long absence. I have wanted to post several times, at 90, at 100 days, but I finally decided that I needed to post. So I am still alcohol free. It is really hard to believe, but at the same time not such a big deal; it's a strange and wonderful thing.
Recovery had so many positives, it sometimes made me dizzy in the beginning.
As for the rest, it sounds like you have a good handle on your alcoholism. It's too bad about the bad, and some of these things you can make better. But if you can't, for goodness sake, don't make them worse.
A word about swelling in your left ankle, which probably isn't your case, as you sound like you have an accurate diagnosis and strategy, but I noticed swelling in my left ankle over a period of a year, and I attributed it to old age, never asking my doctor about it. I ended up having to be wheeled into the emergency room with blood clots breaking off from my ankle and lodging in my lungs. I almost died in the ICU where they kept me for a week, but blood thinners have corrected that problem from 4 years ago. I hike everyday, and my ankle is back to normal.
I liked your description of dinners with your family and daughter.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Max- I really appreciate how positive you are. I am sorry to hear of your health struggles and I do believe that with time you will improve in various ways. Keep moving forward and keep remaining positive. You are doing so well!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,358
DR,
thank you, thank you, thank you!
So than fil got your update, been sending positive every your way.
Im also in healthcare, and yes, we are some of the worst with addiction sometimes.
Congratulations!
thank you, thank you, thank you!
So than fil got your update, been sending positive every your way.
Im also in healthcare, and yes, we are some of the worst with addiction sometimes.
Congratulations!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,589
Max, congratulations on 117 days of sobriety. 
I'm glad you're doing well and that you have many good things happening in your life. And, I'm sorry that you're dealing with the health issues you have.
I'm glad you're doing well and that you have many good things happening in your life. And, I'm sorry that you're dealing with the health issues you have.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Great job on the sobriety Max, hope your sleep and health continues to improve, as I am sure it will.
Thanks for the inspirational post, friend. Keep up the outstanding work!
Thanks for the inspirational post, friend. Keep up the outstanding work!
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
Thank you for your post Max, It really was a pleasure to hear how focused you and how well you understand that sobriety is the only way. Wonderful to hear how much closer you have been able to get to your children - they are still at an age where you can make such a positive and life long influence for good on their lives. Keep flying the flag of sobriety!
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