Grieving in recovery is different than when drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
Grieving in recovery is different than when drinking
I have 2 years in sobriety/recovery and have noticed many changes. One of the biggest is the way in which I deal with grief.
When I was drinking I would bottle everything up and then it would all come pouring out on my 2nd day of drinking. Tears, weepy phone calls, emotion driven emails and social media messages to people out of the blue. Id listen to music, watch movie clips and relive old memories over and over. If someone close to me passed away, I might be drunk mourning their death 10 years later like it happened yesterday.
In recovery its been different. This past year and a half has been tragic for losses mostly due to covid. Now I find myself absorbing the loss and giving voice to my sense of loss an grief. Sometimes this is done in a ritual or ceremonial context. And then I try to support others in the best way I can. I offer words of compassion, support, I give money to help with associated medical/burial costs and also follow up with the family members for support afterwards.
In the past I tended not to get into that type of support and would center a death around my sense of loss and an excuse to go out and get wasted.
This change around grieving didnt happen by design or even consciously. I just started to respond differently over the past couple of years and the other day in reflection I thought how different I react to things now. I still feel deep sadness and mourn people but I do so in ways that are not self destructive. I attribute this change to being sober and not drinking.
When I was drinking I would bottle everything up and then it would all come pouring out on my 2nd day of drinking. Tears, weepy phone calls, emotion driven emails and social media messages to people out of the blue. Id listen to music, watch movie clips and relive old memories over and over. If someone close to me passed away, I might be drunk mourning their death 10 years later like it happened yesterday.
In recovery its been different. This past year and a half has been tragic for losses mostly due to covid. Now I find myself absorbing the loss and giving voice to my sense of loss an grief. Sometimes this is done in a ritual or ceremonial context. And then I try to support others in the best way I can. I offer words of compassion, support, I give money to help with associated medical/burial costs and also follow up with the family members for support afterwards.
In the past I tended not to get into that type of support and would center a death around my sense of loss and an excuse to go out and get wasted.
This change around grieving didnt happen by design or even consciously. I just started to respond differently over the past couple of years and the other day in reflection I thought how different I react to things now. I still feel deep sadness and mourn people but I do so in ways that are not self destructive. I attribute this change to being sober and not drinking.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
After 2 years, the real you is showing through for sure.
I had peeks of the real me starting fairly quickly and that is part of what has kept me clean.
I was still fairly emotion in my first few years in sobriety. Lots of regret. TV programs could bring me to tears more than now.
The real me is pretty much all here now and it is a good and patient man.
I don't get as emotional these days. Much more stable.
Thanks.
I had peeks of the real me starting fairly quickly and that is part of what has kept me clean.
I was still fairly emotion in my first few years in sobriety. Lots of regret. TV programs could bring me to tears more than now.
The real me is pretty much all here now and it is a good and patient man.
I don't get as emotional these days. Much more stable.
Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,527
Ciowa, you are showing growth and positive change. Good for you. Grief is such a tricky thing. I find it sneaks up on me unexpectedly from time to time and I process it bit by bit. I'm glad that being sober is helping you to deal with death and loss. Congratulations on 2 years of recovery.
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