wehav2day

Hi everyone. I can hardly call myself a newcomer, but I keep going back to this theme and wonder if anyone else is too? Maybe we can help each other.

I’m grateful to be able to say that after many false starts, I was finally able to do whatever it takes to recover. Thanks to continuing recovery, I’ve been sober 8+ years. As so many of you know, it’s a daily effort to stay in recovery, but it’s a hell of a lot easier than drinking! Most days it’s second nature to do some reading on here, check in with sober friends, and thank the HP.

Like so many of us, I know others who not only share the illness of addiction, but they didn’t get out alive. When I got sober, I was three years younger than my mom had been when she died.

so I suppose I started out recovery with this issue, eh? Three years sober, and I’d outlived my mom. Why did we have to lose her, why am I still here?

then three years ago, it was my brother. He killed himself. I knew he was stuck and couldn’t stop drinking. He still hadn’t had any “consequences.” He said himself he wasn’t done drinking. His one “consequence” was death. I was definitely on that track myself.

so why was I able to recover when they didn’t get the chance?

there was also a guy at work. I never met him, as I was hired in to replace him after he’d left. I started to piece together the details of his time, and came to believe he was an alcoholic too. A few years ago, he too died an alcoholic’s death. Why not me?

Every time, i have this struggle. So it should come as no surprise it hit again when I found out about another one...

I used to attend a women’s aa meeting sporadically. One day, a woman had the kind of dramatic share that dominates the meeting. That was fine by me, I was too hungover to do more than listen anyway.

a while in, I realized she was the wife of a coworker. One I didn’t like. Her share was... explicit in ways that mean I learned way more than I should about that coworker. I simultaneously felt bad for him, mad if it was all true, but also fearful that she would recognize me and tell him I was in an as meeting. He’s not someone I would trust with that knowledge.

it was a big test for me in the power of aa. Once I was able to live in recovery, I was able to let that fear go. If she broke the aa code and outed me, so be it. I don’t think she did.

but they divorced. She relapsed. I always hoped she could recover and be there for their child. For my coworker’s sake too.

I found out she didn’t make it out alive, either. And now her daughter doesn’t have a mother at all, not even one who isn’t all the way there. That child is the same age I was when it happened to me...

so here I sit. Sober. Grateful. But also... why me? Why did i get the second chance at life? Do I deserve it? I try to make the most of it. Be the person that the HP made me to be.

but man, it kind of does my head in when this strange mix of gratitude and guilt hits. When we lose another soul to this madness.

if you have a moment to share your experience or thoughts, thank you. If you get anything out of reading, I’m grateful. Thank you.

Dee74

I don’t know why sone of us make it and others don’t WeHav.
I only know I have a...almost like a duty to make the most of this second chance?

D

wehav2day

Exactly. A duty that goes along with the gratitude.

Steely

And we go on to share with others, so they too can become survivors.

We got the job.

least

I sometimes wonder the same thing myself. Why did I survive and thrive when others didn't? I try to pay it forward by sharing my gratitude for my sobriety and helping others to see that sobriety is not just possible, it's wonderful.

Congrats on over 8 yrs sober! And thank you for a thought provoking post.

tdshawn647

I'm new here. It is sometimes terrifying what could have happened when I was drinking. I often feel the same.

Anna

I think we all have our struggles in life with one thing or another. It's life and it's not predictable or fair. I'm glad you made it and thanks for your post.

advbike

I'm in my mid 60's and have lost 4 of the guys who I hung around with in grade school and high school already. Close friends, not just acquaintances. Mostly to alcohol/drug related health issues. There's five of us left, from that gang, hoping for the best.

Life is short, and it's not fair. In fact for many around the world it is extremely unfair. So live it the best you can. Make a difference.

nez

I don't figure it is my job to figure out why I appear to have made it while others didn't. I figure it is my job to do my best to help others to make it. Also I won't know if I truly made it or not until my final day when I cross over from this physical plane. I believe that more will be revealed later, and until then, I need to learn and do the best I can while I am here. I knew of someone with 29 years of solid sobriety and who appeared to have made it, but yet they went back out and died an active alcoholic, despite numerous attempts to get it once again.

silentrun

I wish I had the magic formula for how I overcame this. I could use it for other aspects of my life my track record isn't the best. I think I just really really really didn't want to be an alcoholic. Stopping using was the only way to make this go away.

I know someone who died at 33 of this. 3 months before she died the doctors told her she was near the end and needed to stop immediately. She commented that didn't seem right to her as her grandpa was still alive after decades of alcohol abuse. It didn't register. Maybe that's one of the reasons I got out. It just hit me one moment that this was real and it could destroy me if I didn't get away...immediately.
edit: the second chance resonates with me. I didn't want to be a drunk so the deal was leave and never come back. One time offer.

dustyfox

When I look back on my life, from the moment I had my first drink, my first cigarette, both at about 14 years old and I flick through the years , like fast forwarding though a movie, I see myself often in situations of great danger. So many scenes involve scenarios where I could have died, been killed, or harmed in some way. Then as I see myself getting older, the scenes less dramatic, but the risk to life still there as I carry on drinking, deceiving myself, not being honest. However all these years later I am here and I haven't died through my addictive behaviour when yes others have and why? because I was lucky, or I have a guardian angel, genetics, fate, destiny? We can only be grateful to any one or all of those things. I feel I have a duty now to make up for the fact it has taken me so long to take responsibility for my life, and to do all I can to do some good, be useful. But I don't feel guilty for surviving, just grateful.

Surrendered19

The only reason some of us make it and others don't comes down to the moment we stop drinking. The insidious thing about drinking and that moment is that the approaching point of no return is unknowable and thus mysterious in nature. But it is there. It is a certainty. An immutable matter of physics. I think that really plays with our heads. We don't know where that point of no return is and the part of the downward dive after which there is no recovery, no more safe harbors. I got out and others didn't and I often feel guilty and confused about that.

I just try to be grateful every day that I got out and try to remember those who didn't.

Dropsie

I get it, but do not forget, its not just luck, we earned this.

Stopping drinking is very difficult even if you are not addicted and for us, it is a miracle. Nothing short.

Be grateful, but also stand tall and be proud.

They say roughly one-third of alcoholics stop drinking, I think its actually lower. But we did it. You, me, and lots of our other friends here.

I am so grateful, but I hope you are ALL actually very proud because we are the champions

PeacefulWater12

I sometimes wonder about this too. I managed to quit. I am about 11 years sober, my husband did not manage to quit. It killed him.