immadone082

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and we have lived together for the past 5 months. He moved into my home and shortly after I realized that this man has a serious drinking problem. He kept it well hidden when we lived separately but living with someone makes it more difficult to hide - even though he tries. He buys bottles and hides them around the house. Throws them in the trash in the middle of the night. Lies about drinking, gets so drunk he falls down and urinates on himself, recently got a DUI after never even having a parking ticket and the man is nearly 50, his children don't want to spend time with him, he lost a job but somehow was lucky enough to get another within a month, etc etc etc.
I am not new to addiction - my ex husband who has since passed away was a drug addict in the last 3 or 4 years of our marriage. Opioids.
I know all the signs of addiction. I know the behaviors. I know it has nothing to do with me. I know that I will never change it, nor do I want that responsibility. After my husband and I divorced I learned a lot about myself and my own behaviors through my own therapy.

When I confronted him about his drinking problem, he said he would go to counseling. And he has been going, weekly. I just don't think a counselor who doesn't focus on addiction issues is going to truly help. I think he needs at least some outpatient treatment or more.
I want to provide emotional support if he is working on helping himself. But if he's not, I simply want this to be done. I don't feel badly.
My problem is he has been living here for more than 30 days. I think I am going to have to file some type of eviction. He's not on my deed but we have no legal documents saying whether he's a tenant or not.
He's not violent or abusive in any way. I'm not afraid for myself at all. I just don't want addiction of any sort in my life any more.
When I ask him to leave, he just says no. Basically because he has not where to go and is going to stubbornly try to make me change my mind. Though his perception of reality is completely distorted most of the time.

Last weekend I told him that he's on a fast train to rock bottom and I'm not headed that way. This morning he passed out before noon, wet himself, and is currently sleeping it off in a pile of wet dirty clothes.
Now I'm stuck waiting for him to sober up, again, just so I can have a conversation with him about him needing to either seek outpatient treatment and work a program or moving out in 30 days. I'm going to put it in writing in case this does end up going the court and eviction route.

Just so sad because this disease is so damn powerful.

biminiblue

Welcome.

I wouldn't put this "conditional" eviction out there at all. He's proven he can't/doesn't want to quit and he flat out refuses to leave. That's completely nuts that you asked him to leave the home you own and he said, "No." I'd serve him with eviction papers by using a legal process Server so he has no recourse. "Working a program is way too vague." I say cut your losses.

Maybe the police could give him a nice cold concrete bench to "sleep it off." Have you called them and asked them to take him away till he sobers up? I wonder if they could do that for 24 hours or so. You don't deserve this in your home.

SparkleKitty

If I were you, I would go ahead and start the eviction process now regardless of what he does or doesn’t do.

trailmix

Hi imma. I also wouldn't make it conditional. He needs to leave regardless, true? He will seek recovery or he won't, but you can't know that in a month anyway. It may be kind, but being kind in this situation is really just setting yourself up for more disappointment and a really awful month.

To ensure he moves, you may want to consult a lawyer familiar with tenancy laws? If he isn't out in the month you might need to get marshall's/police involved, so just be sure to dot your i's, it might be a good idea to leave a copy of the eviction notice with a lawyer, for example.

Please keep us updated. Glad you posted.

immadone082

Thanks for your replies! I have considered calling the police. I have been burned by them before so to speak, in that when I would call on my ex husband they would tell me there was nothing they could do since he also owned the home. This situation is different in that we are not married, nor does he have right to the home, but I guess I am still worried I would find myself in the same situation.

I am going to research tenancy laws, and consult an attorney through my work EAP program. I'm not living with this in my house.

And you are right, if I give a month to correct things, I know from past experience that 30 days will go by and I'll be in the exact same spot then as I am now.

Bekindalways

Talking to a lawyer sounds like the best thing. So so sorry you are in this position.

Seren

I'm sorry you find yourself living with active addiction again!! Yes, where I live, it would require providing written notice of eviction and 30 days to vacate and filing the notice with the magistrate court. Once the 30 days were up, then the police could be called to remove the person.

velma929

I'd second the thought that you need a lawyer, yesterday.
Removing someone from your home is a civil matter, not a criminal one, that's why the police can't help you just now. When you have an order for eviction, should he refuse to leave, THEN he'll be trespassing.