Hi, I'm Someday..... and I'm an alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: home
Posts: 68
Hi, I'm Someday..... and I'm an alcoholic
I last visited this forum on 8/18/2007 when I tried to stop drinking after something happened to me. Since then, I did not stop. I stopped coming because it reminded me of what a failure I was. I would see the sober recovery birthday emails and feel guilt, as I was still drinking. I drank every day. I thought "well, it's ok because it's beer" .... "It's mostly water" .... I lived by that rule and drank from 6-12 every night. After I got a new manager over a year ago, I am not sure that he liked me very much. He was somewhat abusive, in screaming and yelling and putting me down and for the first time in my life, I started drinking in the morning. I literally would say I was going to get smokes and bring back beer. I can't really blame HIM but he did escalate me. between 2015 and now I had 4 back surgeries. So I am on opioids, and I have talked with my doctor how I'm afraid to get addicted and we have me on a very small dose. ONE norco in the am and 2 Tylenol PMs at night. Well, I don't know what happened but one day (about 8 months ago) I was trying to read a paper, probably after drinking and taking pills... I started seeing flashes in front of my eyes and I could no longer read the print on the page. My heart started racing so I ran to the couch to lean back. FF: I had a seizure. Why? We'll never know. Terrified my children, and they started questioning my drinking for the first time. The next episode happened after I got laid off. I was drinking, not eating.... and apparently I was on the kitchen floor and refused to get up. AND my sons had to put blankets on me and babysit me until I was coherent enough to lay on the couch. I promised them, then.. I'd quit drinking. They bought it for a few months but the truth was, I just started buying vodka because it was easier to hide.
On the 17th of April, apparently due to a combination of drinking and opiods again, I had another episode. Apparently my sons found me in my office chair with my eyes wide open and snoring. Terrified once again, they dialed 911 and my now 24 year old son had to administer CPR until the paramedics came... they administered narcon and I admitted I took a OXY that wasn't my prescription, but a friend gave it to me. I had fentanyl in my system. The pill was laced with fentanyl. I am lucky they let me leave. They almost held me thinking I purposely tried to kill myself. My older son is still hardly talking to me.
You think I would learn yet? Nope, the next day came, and I drank more vodka... somewhere between the 18th and the 23rd I thought about my sons face as they took me away in an ambulance.. And haven't stopped crying since. Why am I punishing myself? What am I trying to prove?
I wasn't your average drunk. I was a functional one. Always held down a job, always never "appeared" drunk and never drank in public and hid it from everyone.
On the 23, I finally stopped. This is my 7th day. A sober friend of mine asked me to go to meetings and I did (online zoom or what not) but I just didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want to cry in front of people... and I thought about this place, so here I am. Day 7.
Someday is not a day - someone
On the 17th of April, apparently due to a combination of drinking and opiods again, I had another episode. Apparently my sons found me in my office chair with my eyes wide open and snoring. Terrified once again, they dialed 911 and my now 24 year old son had to administer CPR until the paramedics came... they administered narcon and I admitted I took a OXY that wasn't my prescription, but a friend gave it to me. I had fentanyl in my system. The pill was laced with fentanyl. I am lucky they let me leave. They almost held me thinking I purposely tried to kill myself. My older son is still hardly talking to me.
You think I would learn yet? Nope, the next day came, and I drank more vodka... somewhere between the 18th and the 23rd I thought about my sons face as they took me away in an ambulance.. And haven't stopped crying since. Why am I punishing myself? What am I trying to prove?
I wasn't your average drunk. I was a functional one. Always held down a job, always never "appeared" drunk and never drank in public and hid it from everyone.
On the 23, I finally stopped. This is my 7th day. A sober friend of mine asked me to go to meetings and I did (online zoom or what not) but I just didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want to cry in front of people... and I thought about this place, so here I am. Day 7.
Someday is not a day - someone
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,798
Welcome back! 
I'm glad you joined us again. There's so much support here. Take advantage of it. Post and read often. Especially if you want to drink, post instead of drinking and we'll try our level best to talk you out of it.
I'm glad you joined us again. There's so much support here. Take advantage of it. Post and read often. Especially if you want to drink, post instead of drinking and we'll try our level best to talk you out of it. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Congratulations on 7 days, that's how every single sober person started, with that first choice to STOP. It sounds like you realize that "functional" isn't a type of alcoholic, it's just a stage before all hell truly breaks loose. And you're so lucky to have a caring and supportive family who honestly want the best for you - that's huge. Keep reaching out. 
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by someday 
I wasn't your average drunk. I was a functional one. Always held down a job, always never "appeared" drunk and never drank in public and hid it from everyone.
That is the average drunk.
I hope this return to Sober Recovery leads to sustained sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Congrats on 7 days! That is great work, and you have been given another chance at life. PLEASE do not take even ONE drink, or you will be back into it.
You are right at the point (after a week or so) where we begin to feel better, and your Addictive Voice (AV) will begin to talk to you and suggest that "maybe one or two" would be okay. DO NOT LISTEN to that voice!
The simple secret is to not allow ANY excuse for a drink. Tell that voice to "Eff off!".
Continue to read and post on here every day, go to online meetings and YOU WILL MAKE IT!
You are right at the point (after a week or so) where we begin to feel better, and your Addictive Voice (AV) will begin to talk to you and suggest that "maybe one or two" would be okay. DO NOT LISTEN to that voice!
The simple secret is to not allow ANY excuse for a drink. Tell that voice to "Eff off!".
Continue to read and post on here every day, go to online meetings and YOU WILL MAKE IT!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Welcome back to SR. You indeed ARE the "average" drunk SomeDay. So many of us addicts view ourselves as having lived the truly unique drunk life. The high functioning alcoholic who only drank alone? That describes so many of us. And eventually, as happened to you, it all falls apart. (And trust me - many people were well aware you had a serious problem).
But now you have 7 days of recovery and a great chance to live a peaceful, healthy and quiet life. A life that could easily include you regaining the trust of your family. Time to show them that your are worthy of trust.
But now you have 7 days of recovery and a great chance to live a peaceful, healthy and quiet life. A life that could easily include you regaining the trust of your family. Time to show them that your are worthy of trust.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: home
Posts: 68
Thank you all,. And you are right, I am sure I was the last one to think I'd had a problem. My friend who's been sober for 8 years told me, so your ego took a hit beacuse you weren't as in control as you thought you were. Right as always.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: home
Posts: 68
Yep, I was the last one to find out! Thank you!
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
Welcome back to SR. You indeed ARE the "average" drunk SomeDay. So many of us addicts view ourselves as having lived the truly unique drunk life. The high functioning alcoholic who only drank alone? That describes so many of us. And eventually, as happened to you, it all falls apart. (And trust me - many people were well aware you had a serious problem).
But now you have 7 days of recovery and a great chance to live a peaceful, healthy and quiet life. A life that could easily include you regaining the trust of your family. Time to show them that your are worthy of trust.
But now you have 7 days of recovery and a great chance to live a peaceful, healthy and quiet life. A life that could easily include you regaining the trust of your family. Time to show them that your are worthy of trust.
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