Wife allowed teenage son to take tiny sip of wine
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
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Wife allowed teenage son to take tiny sip of wine
And I'm OK with it.
I have not had a very in depth conversation about alcohol with my son yet but, via his own experience, I know he's aware, consciously or subconsciously, of my struggles. He's never tried alcohol until last night, while I was somewhere else in the house, he asked my wife if he could taste some wine that was leftover from a dinner we had with friends. He took the smallest of sips with her there. They each told me about it later.
I didn't get mad, though I was uncomfortable and suddenly sad about the truth of my relationship with booze. I explained my joyless and pained reaction to my wife. And I had a brief conversation with my son. Nothing too deep - I could tell he was worried about my reaction and I didn't want to either be upset or go too deep about my experience etc. There's time for that another day.
One of the issues with my family growing up, and my father's lifelong struggles with alcoholism, is that it became a black-and-white issue where drinking alcohol was seen as shameful and hidden. Even though my father beat his addiction, his sobriety was never discussed, certainly never celebrated. Rather it was treated like some ugly dark secret that we could only nod about and then change subjects.
I prefer to accept the fact that much of the world drinks without the kind of problems that my father and I suffered from. I plan to make my son aware of my difficulties and to give him warning about what might be in his blood if he chooses to drink in his life. But I also don't want to make things hidden, shameful and repressed like I experienced. My problems are not necessarily the rest of the world's problems. I endeavor to be solid in my sobriety, open with my children and as equanimous aa possible when dealing with how the rest of the world is able to drink.
I have not had a very in depth conversation about alcohol with my son yet but, via his own experience, I know he's aware, consciously or subconsciously, of my struggles. He's never tried alcohol until last night, while I was somewhere else in the house, he asked my wife if he could taste some wine that was leftover from a dinner we had with friends. He took the smallest of sips with her there. They each told me about it later.
I didn't get mad, though I was uncomfortable and suddenly sad about the truth of my relationship with booze. I explained my joyless and pained reaction to my wife. And I had a brief conversation with my son. Nothing too deep - I could tell he was worried about my reaction and I didn't want to either be upset or go too deep about my experience etc. There's time for that another day.
One of the issues with my family growing up, and my father's lifelong struggles with alcoholism, is that it became a black-and-white issue where drinking alcohol was seen as shameful and hidden. Even though my father beat his addiction, his sobriety was never discussed, certainly never celebrated. Rather it was treated like some ugly dark secret that we could only nod about and then change subjects.
I prefer to accept the fact that much of the world drinks without the kind of problems that my father and I suffered from. I plan to make my son aware of my difficulties and to give him warning about what might be in his blood if he chooses to drink in his life. But I also don't want to make things hidden, shameful and repressed like I experienced. My problems are not necessarily the rest of the world's problems. I endeavor to be solid in my sobriety, open with my children and as equanimous aa possible when dealing with how the rest of the world is able to drink.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
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My daughter grew up watching us get wasted and tried alcohol at an early age also. Like me.
Unlike me she has no issues with alcohol now or ever. Rarely drinks and can stop at one if she wants.
I pray your son is the same in the future.
It's good you are taking it slow and methodically. We all know if we push too hard or forbid they are more likely to hide and rebel.
Unlike me she has no issues with alcohol now or ever. Rarely drinks and can stop at one if she wants.
I pray your son is the same in the future.
It's good you are taking it slow and methodically. We all know if we push too hard or forbid they are more likely to hide and rebel.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
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We lived in Italy when I was young, where people drink wine as part of life. My parents let us have a little watered down vino once in a while. Didn't cause a problem then or trigger my alcoholism - that came later as a reaction to life. Sounds like you handled it well.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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I don't think trying to keep children away from alcohol very strictly would do much good, probably more the opposite in some cases, making them just more curious and wanting to rebel. Both of my parents were some of the most low key people I've known in terms of substance use or other addictive tendencies - very rarely drank and always small amounts, didn't smoke, never tried any drugs, not prone to excess in other areas either. They did let me drink a bit of alcohol in my teenage years at home when they were having some but don't think that triggered anything. I had a few alcoholic family members but I either never met them or knew one very superficially, so they definitely didn't influence me with their behaviors. Perhaps their genes did, but that's not something anyone can do much about, at least not the average person. My bad relationship with alcohol started and developed independently, on my own, and much later.
Prevention interests me a lot from various angles though. If I had children of my own, I think I would have the conversation with them about possible predisposition and the importance of being aware at a relatively early age, but I would not want to scare them or make them think they are defective somehow. What can be done, and it has the potential to affect even a genetic predisposition, is to work on the environment kids grow up in and on our relationship with them, because all that also influences how any biological background manifests and develops. Even if there is already some bad history, it is never late to change that - create and maintain a healthy and supportive environment, which can greatly contribute to better mental health, especially if kids experience it relatively early.
Prevention interests me a lot from various angles though. If I had children of my own, I think I would have the conversation with them about possible predisposition and the importance of being aware at a relatively early age, but I would not want to scare them or make them think they are defective somehow. What can be done, and it has the potential to affect even a genetic predisposition, is to work on the environment kids grow up in and on our relationship with them, because all that also influences how any biological background manifests and develops. Even if there is already some bad history, it is never late to change that - create and maintain a healthy and supportive environment, which can greatly contribute to better mental health, especially if kids experience it relatively early.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
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I have shared on multiple occasions about my struggles with alcohol and how my side of the family has all struggled with alcohol with my kids. I tell them that what they see on their mom’s side (normal drinking behavior) can be very dangerous for them. My oldest daughter has anxiety and I think that alcohol would alleviate that instantly but obviously wreak havoc in other ways. So I talk frankly and openly about it. But I don’t overdo it.
Honest and open, no shame, just your experience. Good job Less. 
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
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My husband gave my teenage son a sip of wine too, and although I didn't make a big deal of it, to be honest I secretly resented it because my husband knows how I feel. These responses have definitely given me something to think about, as my son is pretty anxious and will be heading to college at the end of next year. I could see him falling into the "relief" of drinking easily, just as I did.
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