lessgravity

And I'm OK with it.

I have not had a very in depth conversation about alcohol with my son yet but, via his own experience, I know he's aware, consciously or subconsciously, of my struggles. He's never tried alcohol until last night, while I was somewhere else in the house, he asked my wife if he could taste some wine that was leftover from a dinner we had with friends. He took the smallest of sips with her there. They each told me about it later.

I didn't get mad, though I was uncomfortable and suddenly sad about the truth of my relationship with booze. I explained my joyless and pained reaction to my wife. And I had a brief conversation with my son. Nothing too deep - I could tell he was worried about my reaction and I didn't want to either be upset or go too deep about my experience etc. There's time for that another day.

One of the issues with my family growing up, and my father's lifelong struggles with alcoholism, is that it became a black-and-white issue where drinking alcohol was seen as shameful and hidden. Even though my father beat his addiction, his sobriety was never discussed, certainly never celebrated. Rather it was treated like some ugly dark secret that we could only nod about and then change subjects.

I prefer to accept the fact that much of the world drinks without the kind of problems that my father and I suffered from. I plan to make my son aware of my difficulties and to give him warning about what might be in his blood if he chooses to drink in his life. But I also don't want to make things hidden, shameful and repressed like I experienced. My problems are not necessarily the rest of the world's problems. I endeavor to be solid in my sobriety, open with my children and as equanimous aa possible when dealing with how the rest of the world is able to drink.