5 days, haven't talked to SO yet
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Virginia
Posts: 100
5 days, haven't talked to SO yet
Starting day 5, challenging but I've done it before, day 80 is scarier, but that's too far out to think of now.
my drinking is something of a quiet acceptance between me and my SO. We don't discuss, he's not a big talker anyway. He knows I put NO WINE on the grocery list, or he probably would have brought me some busoi haven't talked about stopping. I think part of itbis shame, part embarrassed. Is that common? Do I need to tell him?
also, I'm getting a lot out of posting, and most of the comments bring insights I hadn't thought of. I'm grateful. I can't wait until I can message appreciation. I'm thinking of Journaling to.capturebmore of the feelings. Has anyone found that helpful?
Thank you for the support, I hope you all find the peace and health you deserve in 2021.
my drinking is something of a quiet acceptance between me and my SO. We don't discuss, he's not a big talker anyway. He knows I put NO WINE on the grocery list, or he probably would have brought me some busoi haven't talked about stopping. I think part of itbis shame, part embarrassed. Is that common? Do I need to tell him?
also, I'm getting a lot out of posting, and most of the comments bring insights I hadn't thought of. I'm grateful. I can't wait until I can message appreciation. I'm thinking of Journaling to.capturebmore of the feelings. Has anyone found that helpful?
Thank you for the support, I hope you all find the peace and health you deserve in 2021.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 243
My wife drinks mostly wine. She’s not an alcoholic but she’s better off without it like most people. When you’re not feeling good is it the wine or something else? When you drink you don’t know right?
I would just tell him you stopped drinking and sounds like he’s ok with that.
Another tip many says help. Try some CBD oil. Look it up.
I would just tell him you stopped drinking and sounds like he’s ok with that.
Another tip many says help. Try some CBD oil. Look it up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,648
I think it is important to be honest with our partners even if they don't understand of 'get it' at least they know what we are doing and why.
Keeping anything from my husband is a sure fire way to make me stress, worry and start drinking again
Keeping anything from my husband is a sure fire way to make me stress, worry and start drinking again
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 9
I understand, I am in the same boat with my SO, I'm embarrassed, so I say I am on a diet for vacation in March. Its not just embarrassment though, I know that... I feel like if I actually say it to him, it is final. I think that scares me more than the embarrassment. Hard for me to admit that, even on here. He asked me before work this morning if he should pick up wine after work, I told him "No, I'm not drinking". He looked relieved. Day 4 for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Virginia
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by Khorhey 
My wife drinks mostly wine. She’s not an alcoholic but she’s better off without it like most people. When you’re not feeling good is it the wine or something else? When you drink you don’t know right?
I would just tell him you stopped drinking and sounds like he’s ok with that.
Another tip many says help. Try some CBD oil. Look it up.
I would just tell him you stopped drinking and sounds like he’s ok with that.
Another tip many says help. Try some CBD oil. Look it up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Trying to figure out what happened between this thread and the one where you decided to take a break.
You know, its ok that you can't use some of the advice that has been given here. And it can feel alienating when some of that advice is simply stuff you cannot do. And maybe that hurts too. I get that. You wish you could, maybe?
Anyway, telling others. You are on day 5. Be easy on yourself. If you aren't sure what to do, maybe wait. Just not drinking is task enough. That's just my opinion. Of course, my drinking was so bad its not like those around me didn't know what was up.
Being honest with myself is enough of a challenge. Pace yourself. One step at a time.
You know, its ok that you can't use some of the advice that has been given here. And it can feel alienating when some of that advice is simply stuff you cannot do. And maybe that hurts too. I get that. You wish you could, maybe?
Anyway, telling others. You are on day 5. Be easy on yourself. If you aren't sure what to do, maybe wait. Just not drinking is task enough. That's just my opinion. Of course, my drinking was so bad its not like those around me didn't know what was up.
Being honest with myself is enough of a challenge. Pace yourself. One step at a time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,590
Hi Raeven 
I think at five days whether you tell him or not is less important than you keeping on with the not drinking.
If you think it will help you stay sober, talk to him by all means, when you feel ready - but if you’re not sure or you think it may not turn out well, there’s no harm in waiting IMO.
Another tip many says help. Try some CBD oil. Look it up. Just a reminder that we should be sharing experiences of what worked for us - not throwing out stuff that we hear might be good. That’s medical advice by our rules.
I also think recommending self medicating with another medication or substance, legal or not, may not the greatest idea to recommend to folks on a newcomers forum?
D
I think at five days whether you tell him or not is less important than you keeping on with the not drinking.
If you think it will help you stay sober, talk to him by all means, when you feel ready - but if you’re not sure or you think it may not turn out well, there’s no harm in waiting IMO.
Originally Posted by Khorhey
Another tip many says help. Try some CBD oil. Look it up.
I also think recommending self medicating with another medication or substance, legal or not, may not the greatest idea to recommend to folks on a newcomers forum?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
You are doing wonderfully!
I think you will know when the time is right to talk with your SO. It may be soon or it may be never. Sometimes our actions speaks louder than words, ya know?
Keep moving forward. It is very therapeutic to post and receive support from people who understand. We have all been there. Looking forward to hearing more from you!
I think you will know when the time is right to talk with your SO. It may be soon or it may be never. Sometimes our actions speaks louder than words, ya know?
Keep moving forward. It is very therapeutic to post and receive support from people who understand. We have all been there. Looking forward to hearing more from you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,664
Congrats on Day5!!
My Wife's support and encouragement for sobriety has been a helpful part of a solid sobriety foundation. Do you NEED to tell him? That's something only you can answer.... but it might be worth considering that if you can share with your closest human contact and your committed S.O., then you might be more willing and able to stick to it.
Keep up the great work!
My Wife's support and encouragement for sobriety has been a helpful part of a solid sobriety foundation. Do you NEED to tell him? That's something only you can answer.... but it might be worth considering that if you can share with your closest human contact and your committed S.O., then you might be more willing and able to stick to it.
Keep up the great work!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,244
hello Raeven,
good to see you moving along in your sober days.
this might sound trite, and maybe it is, but it is also true for most of us: early sobriety can be what is often described as an emotional rollercoaster.
i mention it because you’re going from being excited to express appreciation to feeling unsafe and wanting to take a break. i remember well having strong reactions, stewing over them and, frankly, carrying pissedoffness around all day or more at something an anonymous stranger had said on the internet.
could i have chosen to carry with me the many supportive and encouraging comments instead? i must have had that choice, but it wasn’t something i could do then.
i hope you keep carrying on with your sober days and in any case, you can decide in each and any moment anew if you want to participate. know that you are always welcome.
as far as telling a SO...what i find useful is to check my motives about why i don’t want to or do want to do something like that. often, something i make sound good to myself can ultimately be based on fear of something.
not saying that’s what you’re doing at all.
that kind of checking helps me to know what the right thing to do is in lots of situations.
i hope you stick around.
good to see you moving along in your sober days.
this might sound trite, and maybe it is, but it is also true for most of us: early sobriety can be what is often described as an emotional rollercoaster.
i mention it because you’re going from being excited to express appreciation to feeling unsafe and wanting to take a break. i remember well having strong reactions, stewing over them and, frankly, carrying pissedoffness around all day or more at something an anonymous stranger had said on the internet.
could i have chosen to carry with me the many supportive and encouraging comments instead? i must have had that choice
, but it wasn’t something i could do then.i hope you keep carrying on with your sober days and in any case, you can decide in each and any moment anew if you want to participate. know that you are always welcome.
as far as telling a SO...what i find useful is to check my motives about why i don’t want to or do want to do something like that. often, something i make sound good to myself can ultimately be based on fear of something.
not saying that’s what you’re doing at all.
that kind of checking helps me to know what the right thing to do is in lots of situations.
i hope you stick around.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 279
For me, coming clean to family and friends about the extent of my drinking was crucial. And it was very liberating being able to finally tell the truth.
I didn't want to before because if they knew the extent and nature of my use I'd have to drink completely secretly or quit. I had to finally want to quit to admit how bad my problem was.
Now, I wish I'd done it 20 years earlier. Sigh. The regret is really hard. I want to do so many things over again.
Not sure if that makes you more or less likely to be open about your desire to quit.
I didn't want to before because if they knew the extent and nature of my use I'd have to drink completely secretly or quit. I had to finally want to quit to admit how bad my problem was.
Now, I wish I'd done it 20 years earlier. Sigh. The regret is really hard. I want to do so many things over again.
Not sure if that makes you more or less likely to be open about your desire to quit.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
My own experience was that out of embarrassment and maybe the thought of failing was that I used every reason under the sun to explain why I wasn't drinking except the truth but after my last drunk when I knew I had to get sober or die it was imperative to my recovery to tell the people I was closest to and whom I spent my time with, the truth. I needed the support.
Its up to you what you do but he is your partner and who better to support you and to be open and honest with than your partner?
🙏♥️
Its up to you what you do but he is your partner and who better to support you and to be open and honest with than your partner?
🙏♥️
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
