freedomfries

Didn't drink it. When I was in the off licence, the shopkeeper followed me around. I suppose I sort of looked like a shoplifter - tracksuit, unshaven, unshowered. I probably look borderline homeless. I should really take better care of my appearance. I left the can on top of a bin. I hope whoever finds it enjoys it. I would have loved to come across a free can when I was drinking.

I came home and my friend had delivered a gift to me. The same thing he bought me for Christmas before that I misplaced on a bender. Thank God I didn't drink the can. The gift was to congratulate me for my sobriety. I'd have felt like I real ******* if I drank.

I sent an old friend a birthday card and an apology letter yesterday. He hasn't contacted me to thank me. I suppose we'll never be friends again. Drinking has cost me several relationships. I'm lucky I still have people in my life at all. But I'm very fortunate to have my parents and some siblings and friends plural if you count my ex bf. I still text him.

Maybe some relationships will heal with time. It's only been 62 days since I stopped drinking.

Sometimes I feel like aside from a few peopke, the whole world is out to get me. Maybe that's mental illness. Maybe it's true.

But today I'm glad I'm sober. Very little good has come from drinking and a whole lot of bad.

SoberInCLE

It's not a short road freedomfries and hoping you may mend relationships after 62 days is wishful thinking. 62 days is however a fantastic sobriety milestone. Seek support and keep going!

SoberLeigh

Glad you didn’t drink, freedomfries. That was a close call though. Maybe, think of adding something to your plan to help boost your resolve.

Perhaps your friend just needs some time to process and absorb your apology. Time is your friend as is staying sober.

Anna

I hope that some of the relationships you have lost will return in time. Meanwhile, count on yourself and those who love you and carry on with your recovery.

GerandTwine

Hi FF,

Great post. You should consider going into advertising or writing. Your titles for your threads are captivating. Must reads. So are your short story paragraphs. Puts me on the edge of my seat, even knowing they’ll all have happy endings because you have a Big Plan, of course.

GT

Kaily

Well done not drinking it.

Gotta say you excited my AV with the title but that's my problem not yours.

sortofhomecomin

Well done on getting rid of the can. I could never do this. Once I bought the booze, I'd drink it. I don't think I ever threw out booze, ever in my life.

D122y

I remember knowing ahead of time how sick I was about to get over the holidays.

All the sugary food, booze, and cold weather. I knew I would gain 10 lbs.

So thankful those days are over forever. So thankful for SR.

Thankful to you freedom for reminding me that if I could make it 62 days, I could make it a lifetime.

Stay clean!

Dee74

I get being self conscious and buying something to get out of there, and to prove you’re not a shoplifter...and Its great you didn’t open it and drink it, but man I can think of better places to be than an off licence.

I know where you live offices can also sell groceries etc that would have given my inner addict a vicarious thrill, and emboldened it no end.

Wander around a book shop or something instead, FF ?.

Are you still having trouble finding the motivation to look after yourself or was this just a scruffy day ?
Was there any follow up from your hospital stay at all?

freedomfries

I have good and bad days as regards taking care of myself. Today was a bad day. I dunno why I went into the off licence. I guess I just wanted to fantasize about what beer I would drink if I relapsed. Not a good idea.

I had a brain scan to see if there's anything wrong. I haven't got the results yet but hopefully there won't be an issue and it was just my low sodium that caused the seizure. I had a phone appt with a psychiatrist and I told him about my low mood and he put back on the anti depressant I was taken off of. So hopefully that'll kick in in a few weeks.

I think I'm kind of indulging my AV a little which isn't good - drinking coke and imagining there's vodka in it.

But I'm really glad my relationship with my parents is doing well and with one of my sisters, and that my friend in recovery is proud of me. So I'm already enjoying some of the benefits of sobriety and hopefully there'll be more to look forward to.

Steely

I'm glad you didn't drink it FF. I bet you are now, too.

Each one of these 'little' victories go to build on the foundations of your sobriety, until the thought of the bloody stuff is repugnant. Yesterday was repelled by the smell of sanitiser on my hands as reminded me of vodka. Totally repugnant.

Well done FF, not easy to leave the can behind. But you DID! And you will do it again, until eventually it becomes your natural way to be.

Dee74

I’m sure that your other sister will come around FF you just gotta keep doing the next right thing as I say
Hope tomorrow is better for you.

D

Thrillhou

I had to Google what an "off licence" was. In the U.S. I've never heard that term before.

Reid82

Would be mainly an Ireland and UK term that we use here. Or simply 'Offie' will do too.

GerandTwine

Hi FF,

Upon reflection, I want to say that your using AVRT to recover seems to be working very well for you.
AVRT is completely compatible with all of your post drinking actions such as:

Having made a commitment “I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.”
Enjoying being around drunk people.
Thinking but not acting on how getting drunk might feel good.
Not struggling to be “busy” in order to not drink.
Walking into a liquor store and buying booze but then setting it aside and leaving it.

I’m quite sure as time passes, doing these sorts of “tests” or “shifting” back and forth into and out of thoughts and feelings supporting drinking, you will find them trivial, boring, and unnecessary. They became that for me.

the Big Plan? That’s what it makes it all work.

GT