I finally have conviction.
I am at two with nature
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 20
I finally have conviction.
Hi. I am new and I am excited about being a member of this community. I have recently just opened my eyes after a long relapse period. I don’t exactly know what snapped in me this time, but suddenly, I am so very tired of having my life run by alcohol. I was reading a lot of the posts and just trying to really absorb some of the very wonderful information and personal experiences on this site and I suppose, the want to heal just slapped me in my face. I have an insanely addictive personality. I smoke and I definitely want to quit that nasty habit. I go through phases during which I binge, eating insane amounts of disgusting, fatty foods and then, purge. I am image-obsessive. When I quit drinking the first time, I became addicted to exercise. I would actually catch myself rocking back and forth if I was running late for one of my kickboxing classes. Ha Ha. I know that exercise is not a bad thing to be addicted to, but I can’t understand why I have to be addicted to anything. Why can I not just be bloody normal?
I don’t know why I can’t just drink responsibly. I am obsessive and I have a need to understand this little blip in my DNA. Why am I this way? I don’t understand why I cannot just have a nice glass of wine with dinner here and there. When I sit here and really think about it, I cannot imagine going out for a meal without being able to have a glass of wine with it. As a matter of fact, I normally WON’T go to a restaurant that doesn’t serve alcohol because I always want a drink with my dinner. I actually have a structure on what sort of drinks go with what sort of meals. It’s absurd. I don’t see other people’s dinner choices being based upon what they want to drink that evening.
My husband told me that he was an alcoholic before we met, but he just stopped drinking one day. He did not go to AA. He did not have a sponsor. He did not go to counseling. He does not drink now nor have I ever seen him with a desire to do so. He is one of the most well adjusted people I have ever met. He never loses his temper or screams profanities in a fit of road rage. How the hell does he do that? I asked him how he quit and he said that he just did because he was tired of vomiting in the morning. I don’t vomit because I don’t get sick from liquor anymore. I can drink an entire bottle of vodka by myself, wake up drunk, but perfectly functional and go to work that way. That’s unnerving. Today, my husband came to pick me up after a night of partying with my friends and he told me that I smelled, horrible, of rum. It was just oozing from my pours. I have been in a daze all day. I shudder over the fact that I can barely remember lat night. The parts I do remember make me shudder even more. I am thankful for the lack of memory. My kidneys hurt and I feel…..UNHEALTHY. I am 28 years old and I feel like I am an old woman. I want to be free from alcohol and I am going to suck it up, go back to meetings, keep going until I find a group that I really identify with and then, keep going even more.
I don’t know why I can’t just drink responsibly. I am obsessive and I have a need to understand this little blip in my DNA. Why am I this way? I don’t understand why I cannot just have a nice glass of wine with dinner here and there. When I sit here and really think about it, I cannot imagine going out for a meal without being able to have a glass of wine with it. As a matter of fact, I normally WON’T go to a restaurant that doesn’t serve alcohol because I always want a drink with my dinner. I actually have a structure on what sort of drinks go with what sort of meals. It’s absurd. I don’t see other people’s dinner choices being based upon what they want to drink that evening.
My husband told me that he was an alcoholic before we met, but he just stopped drinking one day. He did not go to AA. He did not have a sponsor. He did not go to counseling. He does not drink now nor have I ever seen him with a desire to do so. He is one of the most well adjusted people I have ever met. He never loses his temper or screams profanities in a fit of road rage. How the hell does he do that? I asked him how he quit and he said that he just did because he was tired of vomiting in the morning. I don’t vomit because I don’t get sick from liquor anymore. I can drink an entire bottle of vodka by myself, wake up drunk, but perfectly functional and go to work that way. That’s unnerving. Today, my husband came to pick me up after a night of partying with my friends and he told me that I smelled, horrible, of rum. It was just oozing from my pours. I have been in a daze all day. I shudder over the fact that I can barely remember lat night. The parts I do remember make me shudder even more. I am thankful for the lack of memory. My kidneys hurt and I feel…..UNHEALTHY. I am 28 years old and I feel like I am an old woman. I want to be free from alcohol and I am going to suck it up, go back to meetings, keep going until I find a group that I really identify with and then, keep going even more.
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
Katze,
I couldn't imagine my life without booze. I lived to get drunk..to pass out...to not feel. Always terrified of getting caught, getting arrested, thrown out of school, fired from my job, kicked out of sports. Afraid I was going to kill someone, I didn't matter, but others did. I went to AA, learned how to life sober, I keep going to AA, so I can continue to live sober and give the tools to new people that people gave to me when I was new.
Some people don't need AA to stay sober. I haven't met very many that have been successful and happy. I have met a lot of successful and happy AA people. I have also seen a lot who have come for a short time and not given it a chance to work.
Alcoholism is a disease. No different than cancer, diabetes, heart failure, etc. This disease, alcoholism, will talk you right back into drinking, without you even knowing it. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. It is.
I am obsessive compulsive also. (I think it goes with the territory). I'm a workaholic. I can't just work 40 hours, I brag when I say my record is 112 hours (a week!). Obsessive, nooooo. Lots of things I'm obsessive compulsive over, in fact, my lawyer told me I was obsessive compulsive a few weeks ago, ticked me off!!! He doesn't know me well enough, or does it..?
Good luck with your voyage. If you choose to try AA, give it a chance, I doubt you'll be sorry, we do have a guarantee: do 90 meetings in 90 days, if you don't like what you've got, we'll gladly refund your misery!!
Good luck and God bless,
Jen
I couldn't imagine my life without booze. I lived to get drunk..to pass out...to not feel. Always terrified of getting caught, getting arrested, thrown out of school, fired from my job, kicked out of sports. Afraid I was going to kill someone, I didn't matter, but others did. I went to AA, learned how to life sober, I keep going to AA, so I can continue to live sober and give the tools to new people that people gave to me when I was new.
Some people don't need AA to stay sober. I haven't met very many that have been successful and happy. I have met a lot of successful and happy AA people. I have also seen a lot who have come for a short time and not given it a chance to work.
Alcoholism is a disease. No different than cancer, diabetes, heart failure, etc. This disease, alcoholism, will talk you right back into drinking, without you even knowing it. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. It is.
I am obsessive compulsive also. (I think it goes with the territory). I'm a workaholic. I can't just work 40 hours, I brag when I say my record is 112 hours (a week!). Obsessive, nooooo. Lots of things I'm obsessive compulsive over, in fact, my lawyer told me I was obsessive compulsive a few weeks ago, ticked me off!!! He doesn't know me well enough, or does it..?
Good luck with your voyage. If you choose to try AA, give it a chance, I doubt you'll be sorry, we do have a guarantee: do 90 meetings in 90 days, if you don't like what you've got, we'll gladly refund your misery!!
Good luck and God bless,
Jen
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Welllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE COMMING TO GRIPS WITH STEP 1. I TO AM POWERLES OVER MOST EVERYTHING. UNLESS, I AM WILLING TO ADMIT AND NOW THIS IS WHAT SEPARATES THE MEN FROM THE BOYS IS ACCEPT IT. WHEN, YOU CAN LEARN TO ACCEPT IT, YOU'VE OVER COME A MAJOR HURDLE. THINK OF A CANCER PATIENT, IF THEY DON'T ACCEPT THE FACT THEY HAVE CANCER WILL THEY GET WELL?
MANY OF US IN HERE FOUGHT THE FACT WE COULDN'T DRINK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. LISTEN TO WHAT THE READINGS SAAY IN THE MEETINGS. I KEPT GOING AND GOING AND 1 DAY THE LIGHT CAME ON. WE'RE NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE. WE CAN'T OPEN UP A BEER TAKE A COUPLE OF DRINKS AND LEAVE A HALF OF IT LEFT IN THE BOTTLE. I CAN'T LEAVE A DROP LEFT IN A BOTTLE OR CAN OF BEER.
TAKE THAT ENERGY AND DO SOMETHING POSITIVE WITH IT. DO WHAT SO MANY OF US HAVE IN HERE. DEVOTE YOUR PENT UP ENERGY INTO SERVICE WORK. Y IS IT YOU SUPPOSE SO MANY OF US ARE IN HERE AFTER MANY YEARS OF SOBRIETY? WE STAY WELL BY HELPING OTHERS. YOU GO TO A MEETING, WHAT DO YOU DO? DO YOU OFFER TO SET UP? DO YOU OFFER TO CHAIR, TO TAKE PEOPLE TO AND FROM MEETINGS?
wE GET WHAT WE GIVE. THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE I KNOW, DO THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE. DO UNTO OTHERS BEEN AROUND SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.
STAY IN TOUCH LET US KNOW HOW YOU'RE DOING
CHRIS
MANY OF US IN HERE FOUGHT THE FACT WE COULDN'T DRINK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. LISTEN TO WHAT THE READINGS SAAY IN THE MEETINGS. I KEPT GOING AND GOING AND 1 DAY THE LIGHT CAME ON. WE'RE NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE. WE CAN'T OPEN UP A BEER TAKE A COUPLE OF DRINKS AND LEAVE A HALF OF IT LEFT IN THE BOTTLE. I CAN'T LEAVE A DROP LEFT IN A BOTTLE OR CAN OF BEER.
TAKE THAT ENERGY AND DO SOMETHING POSITIVE WITH IT. DO WHAT SO MANY OF US HAVE IN HERE. DEVOTE YOUR PENT UP ENERGY INTO SERVICE WORK. Y IS IT YOU SUPPOSE SO MANY OF US ARE IN HERE AFTER MANY YEARS OF SOBRIETY? WE STAY WELL BY HELPING OTHERS. YOU GO TO A MEETING, WHAT DO YOU DO? DO YOU OFFER TO SET UP? DO YOU OFFER TO CHAIR, TO TAKE PEOPLE TO AND FROM MEETINGS?
wE GET WHAT WE GIVE. THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE I KNOW, DO THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE. DO UNTO OTHERS BEEN AROUND SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.
STAY IN TOUCH LET US KNOW HOW YOU'RE DOING
CHRIS
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Insanely Addictives Twin....
Welcome Dear Katz,
I understand completely - the SR community does - as addictions and obsessive behaviours are common to us all. Last night my sponser told me she knew she was different way before her first drink. I would say the same of myself and of you. It is a common thing with alcoholics. You will feel very very at home here at SR and your post has encouraged me soo. Well done on your decision to seek recovery. I am only 6 days sober - one day at a time. And you are only 28 so you have a bright bright future ahead indeed in sobriety. At your age I was alcoholic but not drinking alcoholically to the point where my life had become unmanageable. Drink then had no focal part of my life as I was studying quite hard and knew that I needed a clear head to do so. Yes I was almost sensible!!! Crossing the line to the Chronic Phase that you have entered now - well that only started when I was 34/35.......
I have done the food excuse too. Indeed my darling beau has very expensive taste in both food and wines and I am quite expert too. He is happy to dispense with any booze around me as he says he doesnt need it and indeed he does not because he can take a glass and switch to water with no problem. Weird I know!!!!! I drank so many fine red wines that I actually stopped them about 6 years ago as they make me sick. Cannot ingest them anymore as they are like vinegar to my palette but no problem with neat vodka and brandy. Sad I know.
Your husband sounds like a most wonderful and caring man and you are lucky to have him and he must be an inspiration to you. You speak of his balanced demeanor - and if we stay sober one day at a time this can be true for you too!
AA Meetings do work for sooo soooo many and I would advise you to get a good anchor group. I have one but at the moment I just dont have enough sobriety to think rationally. That will take time as there are no quick fixes! But I know from my now daily visits to the rooms that there is much sobriety and inner peace in those who have ardently persued their sobriety and maintained it within a structure (the Steps) of recovery. That is an amazing source of hope. Glad you posted because I had no hope today you see. But I just wrote down something that has triggered for me.
You cannot drink responsibly because you are allergic to alcohol plain and simple. It is an actual phsiological allergy as hayfever is to pollen. But it has the mental obsession component too and this is where we fall so often. It tries to possess us and eventually if we cannot escape its grasps - it will destroy us. It is progressive and so gets worse and worse. You can, as I have so very often, tried to fob off a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and say what a good girl we have been. So we think - "Ay yes - back in control" = NOT - that just started the next binge you see......its the first drink we pick up that does it as we really cannot stop then......It is quite quite insideous - its effect actually hideous as we all know.
I wish you well and happiness and all good things and sobriety....sorry to have rambled on so but today has been a very very bad one and I am trying to gain perspective through writing of this post. Remember we are good good people with a bad bad disease!!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
I understand completely - the SR community does - as addictions and obsessive behaviours are common to us all. Last night my sponser told me she knew she was different way before her first drink. I would say the same of myself and of you. It is a common thing with alcoholics. You will feel very very at home here at SR and your post has encouraged me soo. Well done on your decision to seek recovery. I am only 6 days sober - one day at a time. And you are only 28 so you have a bright bright future ahead indeed in sobriety. At your age I was alcoholic but not drinking alcoholically to the point where my life had become unmanageable. Drink then had no focal part of my life as I was studying quite hard and knew that I needed a clear head to do so. Yes I was almost sensible!!! Crossing the line to the Chronic Phase that you have entered now - well that only started when I was 34/35.......
I have done the food excuse too. Indeed my darling beau has very expensive taste in both food and wines and I am quite expert too. He is happy to dispense with any booze around me as he says he doesnt need it and indeed he does not because he can take a glass and switch to water with no problem. Weird I know!!!!! I drank so many fine red wines that I actually stopped them about 6 years ago as they make me sick. Cannot ingest them anymore as they are like vinegar to my palette but no problem with neat vodka and brandy. Sad I know.
Your husband sounds like a most wonderful and caring man and you are lucky to have him and he must be an inspiration to you. You speak of his balanced demeanor - and if we stay sober one day at a time this can be true for you too!
AA Meetings do work for sooo soooo many and I would advise you to get a good anchor group. I have one but at the moment I just dont have enough sobriety to think rationally. That will take time as there are no quick fixes! But I know from my now daily visits to the rooms that there is much sobriety and inner peace in those who have ardently persued their sobriety and maintained it within a structure (the Steps) of recovery. That is an amazing source of hope. Glad you posted because I had no hope today you see. But I just wrote down something that has triggered for me.
You cannot drink responsibly because you are allergic to alcohol plain and simple. It is an actual phsiological allergy as hayfever is to pollen. But it has the mental obsession component too and this is where we fall so often. It tries to possess us and eventually if we cannot escape its grasps - it will destroy us. It is progressive and so gets worse and worse. You can, as I have so very often, tried to fob off a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and say what a good girl we have been. So we think - "Ay yes - back in control" = NOT - that just started the next binge you see......its the first drink we pick up that does it as we really cannot stop then......It is quite quite insideous - its effect actually hideous as we all know.
I wish you well and happiness and all good things and sobriety....sorry to have rambled on so but today has been a very very bad one and I am trying to gain perspective through writing of this post. Remember we are good good people with a bad bad disease!!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
I am at two with nature
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 20
I am one of those people who tried AA, but didn't stay long enough for anything to happen. I was very stupid. I went for two or three meetings and I put on a good show. I cried and told some of my story. I was all gung-ho about recovery while I was at the meetings. However, as soon as I walked out the door, I thought to myself, "I am not as bad off as those people. I can control this myself. I don't need this happy, lovey crap." A lot of the people that I had talked to were at a really rough spot in their lives. They had been in prison because of drinking. They had lost their jobs or their families. I had not. I was very smug and very stupid. At that point, I failed to realize that just because I had not gotten a DUI, had not lost my job or my marriage because of drinking, that meant that my drinking was not a problem. I now realize how truly amazing it was that those people who had lost everything were happier than I was at that point in my life. I had everything and didn't appreciate any of it. I don't want to make that mistake again. I don't want to take things for granted anymore. I sit here and think that the reason for the fact that I didn't seriously damage my life is that I was just plain lucky. I now see that eventually, luck runs out and I don't want to take the chance of pushing my luck.
If I didn't have my husband, who is my closest friend, I probably would not have confronted my alcoholism for a very long time. He brought it up to me about two years ago when I was an absolutely raging alcoholic and I tried to clean up for him. I didn't really want to clean up at that time. I thought that I had it under control. I cannot see how falling down a fire escape and curling up in the fetal position on a sidewalk while screaming relentlessly in public (while in a black-out) is having control. I started going to AA because I wanted to show him that I was making an effort. I cleaned up for a bit, but then went back to my old ways, except I reserved alcohol for binging. I would stay sober all week and then spend my weekend drunk. I thought that was perfectly acceptable. I just realized today that I have drunk every night for the past two weeks. I cannot buy a bottle of wine and just have one glass. I drink it until the bottle is dry.
When I think of all of the horrific things that I have done while drunk and all of the horrific things that I don't even know about because I was in a black-out, I am so ashamed and I feel very unworthy of the things that I have been given in this life. There are so many deserving and appreciative people and I just thought that I was entitled to all of this. It makes my stomach hurt to think about this. I am trying very hard not to fall into a depression, so I am reading the Big Book online and reading posts here to stay positive. I am going to go to a meeting tonight and will really listen this time. I am going to seek out a temporary sponsor because I never would get a sponsor in the past and I think that was one of the biggest mistakes that I could make. I don't have any friends, other than my husband, who will care about my sobriety. My husband is one of those very rare people who were able to just stop and never look back. I know that I cannot do that. I have tried and failed many times. I need the support of someone who has battle scars. I can't find that anywhere but AA.
If I didn't have my husband, who is my closest friend, I probably would not have confronted my alcoholism for a very long time. He brought it up to me about two years ago when I was an absolutely raging alcoholic and I tried to clean up for him. I didn't really want to clean up at that time. I thought that I had it under control. I cannot see how falling down a fire escape and curling up in the fetal position on a sidewalk while screaming relentlessly in public (while in a black-out) is having control. I started going to AA because I wanted to show him that I was making an effort. I cleaned up for a bit, but then went back to my old ways, except I reserved alcohol for binging. I would stay sober all week and then spend my weekend drunk. I thought that was perfectly acceptable. I just realized today that I have drunk every night for the past two weeks. I cannot buy a bottle of wine and just have one glass. I drink it until the bottle is dry.
When I think of all of the horrific things that I have done while drunk and all of the horrific things that I don't even know about because I was in a black-out, I am so ashamed and I feel very unworthy of the things that I have been given in this life. There are so many deserving and appreciative people and I just thought that I was entitled to all of this. It makes my stomach hurt to think about this. I am trying very hard not to fall into a depression, so I am reading the Big Book online and reading posts here to stay positive. I am going to go to a meeting tonight and will really listen this time. I am going to seek out a temporary sponsor because I never would get a sponsor in the past and I think that was one of the biggest mistakes that I could make. I don't have any friends, other than my husband, who will care about my sobriety. My husband is one of those very rare people who were able to just stop and never look back. I know that I cannot do that. I have tried and failed many times. I need the support of someone who has battle scars. I can't find that anywhere but AA.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Katz - You are Brill - Acceptance rings through your whole post. If you keep that attitude and get to meetings it can only reinforce and uplift your recovery. It has been really good to read your post as I am in that depression at the moment and must wait for the light to turn on. The room is dark and I cannot find the light switch but I do know it is there. I will keep searching for it but this time remain sober with the help of SR and Meetings and my sponser and reading the Big (WISE) Book.
Luvs and Recovery with light to us all Ama
Luvs and Recovery with light to us all Ama
I am at two with nature
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 20
Thanks, Ama!
Ama,
Congratulations on your 6 days of sobriety! That’s fabulous! J That is 6 days more than I have and I cannot wait to get through my first week. I cannot wait to be able to say it out loud: “I went an entire week without a drop of alcohol!” It has been an insanely long time since I have been able to say that and not be lying!
So many things that you said in your post rang true with me! I laughed out loud at your comment on how we think that we are being good girls by only having a glass or two of wine with our dinner. It would actually sound logical to me. “Yup, look at me. I can have a glass or two of wine and I just know now that I have it licked and will never binge again.” What a frickin’ lie I was telling myself. Two days later I was passed out on my living room floor.
Thank you so much for saying that my post did something for you. You saying that did an amazing thing for me. It feels great to have lifted someone’s spirits. It’s ironic that you mentioned how lucky I was to have my husband. I had just posted a statement saying how ungrateful I had been for all of the things that I have been given in life. Right now, I am trying to be thankful for the realization that I am blessed instead of being a masochist and berating myself for having been such a sh#t for all of those years. What a waste that time. I want to make a reading suggestion to you. It’s a book called Dry and it is a memoir written by Augusten Burroughs. It is disturbing, insane and hilarious at the same time. I love it and have read it over and over. It was helpful to me during my sober days and I know it will be again! To me, the most profound part in the book is when he mentions a woman who spoke at his first AA meeting. She had been a raging alcoholic for the entirety of her adult life. I believe that she was in her 50’s when she found out that she had terminal cancer and only perhaps 6 months to a year in which to live. She had spent the past 30 years drunk, in and out of blackouts and upon the discovery of her illness, she cleaned up so that she could enjoy the rest of her life and see it with sober eyes. I was amazed. I thought that the realization would have only made her want to drink more. I don’t know if I could have been that strong. I don’t want to wait until my time on earth nearing its end to start appreciating it without booze.
I hope that we can stay in touch with each other since we are so close at our stages of sobriety. I can’t thank you enough for your post.
Kat.
Congratulations on your 6 days of sobriety! That’s fabulous! J That is 6 days more than I have and I cannot wait to get through my first week. I cannot wait to be able to say it out loud: “I went an entire week without a drop of alcohol!” It has been an insanely long time since I have been able to say that and not be lying!
So many things that you said in your post rang true with me! I laughed out loud at your comment on how we think that we are being good girls by only having a glass or two of wine with our dinner. It would actually sound logical to me. “Yup, look at me. I can have a glass or two of wine and I just know now that I have it licked and will never binge again.” What a frickin’ lie I was telling myself. Two days later I was passed out on my living room floor.
Thank you so much for saying that my post did something for you. You saying that did an amazing thing for me. It feels great to have lifted someone’s spirits. It’s ironic that you mentioned how lucky I was to have my husband. I had just posted a statement saying how ungrateful I had been for all of the things that I have been given in life. Right now, I am trying to be thankful for the realization that I am blessed instead of being a masochist and berating myself for having been such a sh#t for all of those years. What a waste that time. I want to make a reading suggestion to you. It’s a book called Dry and it is a memoir written by Augusten Burroughs. It is disturbing, insane and hilarious at the same time. I love it and have read it over and over. It was helpful to me during my sober days and I know it will be again! To me, the most profound part in the book is when he mentions a woman who spoke at his first AA meeting. She had been a raging alcoholic for the entirety of her adult life. I believe that she was in her 50’s when she found out that she had terminal cancer and only perhaps 6 months to a year in which to live. She had spent the past 30 years drunk, in and out of blackouts and upon the discovery of her illness, she cleaned up so that she could enjoy the rest of her life and see it with sober eyes. I was amazed. I thought that the realization would have only made her want to drink more. I don’t know if I could have been that strong. I don’t want to wait until my time on earth nearing its end to start appreciating it without booze.
I hope that we can stay in touch with each other since we are so close at our stages of sobriety. I can’t thank you enough for your post.
Kat.
Many Thanks 
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
(((Katz)))
Welcome to SR. SR is definitly my addicition, but that can be a good thing. You come to a wonderful community with supportive, understanding people. We help one another get sober and stay sober through suggestions and telling our stories. Strength in numbers. We also have a great amount of fun. Stick around and join in on our fun and sharing of our ES&H. The best of luck to you and your recovery. Take care...
LeAnne
Welcome to SR. SR is definitly my addicition, but that can be a good thing. You come to a wonderful community with supportive, understanding people. We help one another get sober and stay sober through suggestions and telling our stories. Strength in numbers. We also have a great amount of fun. Stick around and join in on our fun and sharing of our ES&H. The best of luck to you and your recovery. Take care...
LeAnne
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
(((((((((((((katze And Ama)))))))))))))))
Keep On With The Positive!!! Don't Forget To Get Your Butt To That Meeting.....today, Don't Wait. The Opportunity Is Now.
Love And Prayers To Both Of You,
Jen
Keep On With The Positive!!! Don't Forget To Get Your Butt To That Meeting.....today, Don't Wait. The Opportunity Is Now.
Love And Prayers To Both Of You,
Jen
I am at two with nature
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 20
Everyone has just been so wonderful and I am so happy to have found this community! It is great! I am feeling better and stronger about my decision already just from reading everyone's posts. It is amazing how we alcoholics, who are considered by some to be damaged people, can reach out to each other and just chat with ease and the so-called "normal" ones seem to sometime struggle with polite conversation with strangers.
I am looking forward to the fun things! This is a great addiction!
I am just reading and soaking it all in. I needed this!
I am looking forward to the fun things! This is a great addiction!
I am just reading and soaking it all in. I needed this!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Kat,
We must stay in touch - and in doing so we stay in touch for our much yearned for lives free from our poison ALCOHOL. And thank you for your kind words because I was embarressed re reading my posts as I thought I was just depressing everyone. It is a cruel and nasty disease. One which we did not set out to have but nonetheless we do! Today is going to be tough!!!!! Drink lots of sugary decaf tea or coffee and make sure you get some food into you and fresh juices too.
Get that fine husband of your to pamper you - get a hot bubbly bath and start LOVING Kat! She sounds like a wonderful person to me!!!
I wish you alll the best dear friend in recovery.....take it minute by minute if you have to - that is sometimes all we can do. But they mount up!!!! And if you can get your head clear and think straight you can think ever better and more wholesomely RECOVERY! Get the meetings too. Whenever I have let the alcoholic go to the meetings I dont really like them. But when I go with a mindset of recovery they uplift me. We are gonna get a GOOD life if we do - that is the prize - the golden nugget .......I will keep reading your thread...... Luvs Ama
We must stay in touch - and in doing so we stay in touch for our much yearned for lives free from our poison ALCOHOL. And thank you for your kind words because I was embarressed re reading my posts as I thought I was just depressing everyone. It is a cruel and nasty disease. One which we did not set out to have but nonetheless we do! Today is going to be tough!!!!! Drink lots of sugary decaf tea or coffee and make sure you get some food into you and fresh juices too.
Get that fine husband of your to pamper you - get a hot bubbly bath and start LOVING Kat! She sounds like a wonderful person to me!!!
I wish you alll the best dear friend in recovery.....take it minute by minute if you have to - that is sometimes all we can do. But they mount up!!!! And if you can get your head clear and think straight you can think ever better and more wholesomely RECOVERY! Get the meetings too. Whenever I have let the alcoholic go to the meetings I dont really like them. But when I go with a mindset of recovery they uplift me. We are gonna get a GOOD life if we do - that is the prize - the golden nugget .......I will keep reading your thread...... Luvs Ama
I am at two with nature
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 20
I am going to a meeting tonight, but I am really nervous. I know that this is probably the cowardly thing to do, but I am not going to go back to the same group I went to before because I am so ashamed for having relapsed again. I am going to go to a new group this time for a fresh start. The group that I was going to before was not one that I intended to go to as my home group, but it was the closest. There are lots of others and they are still close. I hope that by choosing to go to a different group, that I am not making some detremental mistake that will affect my recovery. I feel like everything is in such a fragile state right now. I don't want to upset anything that approaches balance right now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Dear Dear Kat!
You are going to a meeting - that is a step to recovery. You are taking an active positive step to your recovery and that is truely wonderful and shows your courage and conviction. When you have been to enough meetings you will realise that it doesnt matter as we are all alcoholics and relapse can be part of recovery though a nasty part. I went to my anchor group last night - yip been there, as I was soooo very ashamed of the relapse. I was in fact ashamed of myself for being so very very thick yet again - and despite the knowledge that I have of my disease. If you have to go and sit at the back, it does not matter - just listen - get some AA into your head and give yourself a big pat on the back for winning one day at a time. The longest sober alcoholic is the one who gets up earliest that morning!!!!! My sponser told me that last night and I think there is both wisdom and joy in that. It means that whereas for you and I in such early stages of recovery, we can see the victory to be claimed out of each single day! Great hope indeed. Thank you also for your PM - will reply and please let me know how you get on with the meeting. You are heading in such a better direction by doing so......Luvs Ama
You are going to a meeting - that is a step to recovery. You are taking an active positive step to your recovery and that is truely wonderful and shows your courage and conviction. When you have been to enough meetings you will realise that it doesnt matter as we are all alcoholics and relapse can be part of recovery though a nasty part. I went to my anchor group last night - yip been there, as I was soooo very ashamed of the relapse. I was in fact ashamed of myself for being so very very thick yet again - and despite the knowledge that I have of my disease. If you have to go and sit at the back, it does not matter - just listen - get some AA into your head and give yourself a big pat on the back for winning one day at a time. The longest sober alcoholic is the one who gets up earliest that morning!!!!! My sponser told me that last night and I think there is both wisdom and joy in that. It means that whereas for you and I in such early stages of recovery, we can see the victory to be claimed out of each single day! Great hope indeed. Thank you also for your PM - will reply and please let me know how you get on with the meeting. You are heading in such a better direction by doing so......Luvs Ama
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
(((Katz)))
Try not to over think things and take it nice and easy. Give things time and things will fall into place. Going to a meeting, any meeting is the important issue at hand. Deciding what group you make your home group is something that doesn't have to be decided right away. Relapse is a humbling experience indeed, but I'd bet the members of your old group would welcome you with open arms and smiling faces. Many have been in the same shoes. Being in a fragile state, don't limit yourself in your recovery. Give both meetings a try and see what the outcome turns out to be. One of the two will click and make your decision from there. Good luck tonight!
(((Ama)))
Depressing as some of our stories may be, it is reality and at best is a reminder of where we've been and where we don't want to be. The tragedies that are beyond are control, unfortunately, are a part of life and we must deal with them as best we can. Thank you for sharing your ES&H and making us stronger by doing so. Continue to share and grow in the process.
Try not to over think things and take it nice and easy. Give things time and things will fall into place. Going to a meeting, any meeting is the important issue at hand. Deciding what group you make your home group is something that doesn't have to be decided right away. Relapse is a humbling experience indeed, but I'd bet the members of your old group would welcome you with open arms and smiling faces. Many have been in the same shoes. Being in a fragile state, don't limit yourself in your recovery. Give both meetings a try and see what the outcome turns out to be. One of the two will click and make your decision from there. Good luck tonight!
(((Ama)))
Depressing as some of our stories may be, it is reality and at best is a reminder of where we've been and where we don't want to be. The tragedies that are beyond are control, unfortunately, are a part of life and we must deal with them as best we can. Thank you for sharing your ES&H and making us stronger by doing so. Continue to share and grow in the process.
I am at two with nature
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 20
I am trying really hard to stay positive right now. I know that I will end up crashing eventually and I am going to feel like my world is ending, just because I cannot have a drink. That is just insane to me. Like I said, I don't understand myself. I am constantly over-analyzing everything. Grrr.
Right now, I don't have a want for a drink at all, but that is probably because I went out last night and binged to the point of blackout and I am still reeling from the poison that I put in my body. All I have to do is allow my body to recover and my blood will be screaming for more poison. That is when I know the crash is going to happen. I suppose that I am still in my honeymoon phase right now. I am afraid of the crash, but I know that I can get through it and I don't need to drink to deal with it.
I am really finding inspriation in reading others' posts and am so happy to have had such a welcome!
Right now, I don't have a want for a drink at all, but that is probably because I went out last night and binged to the point of blackout and I am still reeling from the poison that I put in my body. All I have to do is allow my body to recover and my blood will be screaming for more poison. That is when I know the crash is going to happen. I suppose that I am still in my honeymoon phase right now. I am afraid of the crash, but I know that I can get through it and I don't need to drink to deal with it.
I am really finding inspriation in reading others' posts and am so happy to have had such a welcome!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 26
"WE'RE NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE. WE CAN'T OPEN UP A BEER TAKE A COUPLE OF DRINKS AND LEAVE A HALF OF IT LEFT IN THE BOTTLE. I CAN'T LEAVE A DROP LEFT IN A BOTTLE OR CAN OF BEER."
i like this from CaptainZing2000; the one thing that really works for me is repeating this sentiment....I am not like other people; i CAN NOT take just one sip. total bummer, but never a truer phrase spoken. (and for the rest of my life! that bites!!!)
hang in there katze - i'm on day two with such a long way to go to get some distance from my craziness, but a journey of a thousand miles begins with that single step.
much love from inky
i like this from CaptainZing2000; the one thing that really works for me is repeating this sentiment....I am not like other people; i CAN NOT take just one sip. total bummer, but never a truer phrase spoken. (and for the rest of my life! that bites!!!)
hang in there katze - i'm on day two with such a long way to go to get some distance from my craziness, but a journey of a thousand miles begins with that single step.
much love from inky
I am at two with nature
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 20
Thanks, Inky and congrats on your sobriety! I totally agree with Cap. I know damn well that once I have a bottle of wine in this house, it must be drunk. I can't drink like a normal person, either. Yup. It is a bummer, but I suppose that there is nothing i can about it except for NOT drink. I am really enjoying posting and getting to know everyone. It is addictive as hell! I've spent the better part of my Saturday in front of this computer, but I don't feel as though I have wasted my day at all. I am just looking forward to getting away from my insanity, too. I know it is a ways off, but it least it is something to focus on for now. I want to feel what it is like to wake up without a hangover and actually have energy to do things other than drink. I used to do a lot of outdoor stuff before I found alcohol. I can't say that I have spent much time outdoors of late. There's nowhere to drink out there! Ha!
I totally agree with Cap. I know damn well that once I have a bottle of wine in this house, it must be drunk. I can't drink like a normal person, either. Yup. It is a bummer, but I suppose that there is nothing i can about it except for NOT drink. I am really enjoying posting and getting to know everyone. It is addictive as hell! I've spent the better part of my Saturday in front of this computer, but I don't feel as though I have wasted my day at all. I am just looking forward to getting away from my insanity, too. I know it is a ways off, but it least it is something to focus on for now. I want to feel what it is like to wake up without a hangover and actually have energy to do things other than drink. I used to do a lot of outdoor stuff before I found alcohol. I can't say that I have spent much time outdoors of late. There's nowhere to drink out there! Ha!
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