freedomfries

I drank two cans. ****.

Antabuse will kick in soon

Why do I do this

Philemon

I don't know, why do you think you do it?

boreas

We grow from mistakes;

suffering is a hard road.

Today is my Spring.

Philemon

I'm not being flippant freedomfries, why do you think you do it? A mistake is when you do something you didn't mean to do for example, misjudge something or do something without knowing the full picture and consequences.
If you bought/opened cans you must have intended to drink them so drinking them wasn't a mistake.
One day you will make a genuine mistake and misjudge how much you can drink on antabuse and do yourself some serious harm. I hope you stop doing this before it happens

C0ntr0ls

"Why do I do this"...Because you choose to.

Steely

If you are going to drink, stop the Antabuse.

Erica375

I've often asked myself that, although never as eloquently. The worst was when I would open the bottle and think, "Why AM I doing this?" And I drank anyway.

But asking that has helped me quit. Okay, Self: why ARE you doing this??? What the heck is in it for you??? What do you expect to get out of it? What are the potential and/or inevitable consequences?

So, for me, asking led me to be able to "think through the drink." I've also heard it as, "looking through the bottom of the glass, which I like. My advice? Keep asking yourself that. Keep asking until you can give yourself an answer. And keep trying to quit. Don't give up on yourself.

2muchpain

You really don't want to mess with antabuse. I drank on it once and thought I was gonna die. Major sweating, heart pounding so hard I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I hope you decide to quit drinking, but if not, quit the antabuse. The combination could be deadly. Good luck. John

LumenandNyx

Cuz you're a sucker for punishment?

Sober45

Even when you drink you come here. So it doesn’t sound like drinking is much fun at all.

I don’t think anything in real life is going to compare to the artificial and instant sedation of alcohol. But you know what? After 8 months away from it there’s a richness to living my life genuinely. The intense cravings I had are gone.

What happened to your goal of stopping until Dec 1st?

SoberLeigh

It is my understanding that drinking while on Antabuse can make you very, very ill - perhaps dangerously ill. A call to your doctor or a visit to the ER may be in order, freedomfries. Is anyone with you?

Are you still drinking?

Anna

Freedomfries, take care of yourself as you deal with the Antabuse taking effect.

I hope you decide to stop drinking for good.

Coldfusion

How are you doing? I feel very sorry for you. I hope you find a path to a permanent recovery soon.

Steely

Was thinking of you last night FF.

I hope you are OK today, and got to doctor if necessary.

Hope you've decided to stop drinking. It really doesn't "take the edge off". It puts me over the edge.

Get well FF.

Dee74

I’m sorry you drank FF. I don’t know why you keep doing this but I also think you don’t really need to know that to stop. At the moment you seem to be doing more to facilitate drinking than to ensure your recovery.

That’s not a slap by the way just an observation.
dId you get to that meeting you were talking about?
D

Stayingsassy

same. Played around with Antabuse a lot in my drinking years trying to game the system.

In 2014 or 2015 I was nine days out from a pill and drank one of my brother’s homemade IPA’s, super high percentage and I was so sick an hour later I thought I’d die. I was visiting him at his home in the mountains and had to excuse myself to vomit violently and repeatedly in the bathroom, face beet red, sweating, felt like a heart attack. I couldn’t drive home. I never told him or anyone else why I was sick. It was my secret. Oh, the secrets.

my advice: get your head solid and committed with a permanent quit and a good plan.

Leave these days behind. I’m so relieved I don’t have to play alcohol games that I never win, ever again.

And yes, there were many more games I played than Antabuse. In the 20 years I struggled, I found every single loophole I could possibly find. They all eventually failed.

It’s best to stay quit. It’s the only game you can actually win.

BeABetterMan

SO not worth it. I used to stop taking my Antabuse then try to drink a couple or a few days after. But I didn't dilly dally with two cans of beer. I'd hit the whiskey hard. It was a 50/50 deal. Sometimes I'd be ok, but when I wasn't, holy crap was it miserable. So glad I'm not stuck in that cycle.

I hope it absolutely sucks for you. I hope your heart beats uncontrollably, I hope you get hot flashes and panic. I know that every awful experience I had pushed me closer and closer to sobriety. I hope it dose the same for you FF. Try again tomorrow!

least

I hope you got medical attention. Even more so, I hope you'll stop drinking before something really awful happens.

Steely

When thinking of you FF could not help but observe you playing out the "Don't want to (drink)". "Want to (drink)" conflict in real life, not just in your thinking. Seeking sobriety, drinking, yet using Antabuse, is what I mean. Bang. Bang. Bang.

You don't have to do this to yourself FF. Too punishing, and you don't deserve it. None of us do.

Sobriety is good FF. I hope you take it by the hand.

snitch

My alcoholism centres in my mind. I can take a pill to give me a bad reaction to alcohol when I drink it but that pill isn't going to work on my obsession to drink. It sounds like that is why you continue to pick up. I couldn't even stop drinking for my own child I doubt that putting a pill in me would help either. My compulsion to drink was so powerful, I had no mental defence against it.

Aside from taking antabuse what else are you doing? Do you have a recovery plan?