scarred_nirvana

Hi! Today is a better day. I am new and a lot of you dont know me so Ill do a quicky background. I am 18 years old and 7 months pregnant. I am an addict/ alcoholic. My drug of choice is ecstasy (though i only had the chance to do it once, because of my pregnancy) I am lds and i started using drugs when i was 15 1/2. It started with over the counters, pot, and alcohol. Like desperate addicts, I got caught using desperately and in inapproperiate locations and my family sent me to a Lockdown rehab in LaVerkin called Cross Creek. I stayed there for 7 months never seeing my family. It didnt do a lot of good, partly because we had no therapy, and partly because I was forced to go...I still wanted to use. When I got out, I was clean for 2 months...barely. I picked up where I started and 2 months later was thrown into another lockdown/inpatient program called LifeLine. I stayed in there a year. It was a very good program and even though I feel traumatized by being rehabilitated, i am glad i went to my last rehab. I learned a lot about myself and why I did things. I found the wonderful programs NA/AA/and EA. When I got out, I started using again 2 months later and moved out a week after I started to use. I wasnt done "experimenting" ( but now I know that I will never be done "experimenting" because I am a drug loving addict ) 2 months later, i found out i was pregnant. I had 4 months clean and then i relapsed twice for the same justification i used when i first tried drugs - That if I started up again or became "hard core" my boy would stop using because he blamed himself. I find today this justification coming up a lot in the worst of times. But here I am 2 months clean again and working every day. Each day I find myslef going back and forth "maybe i could use a few more times." or "just alcohol" or "i just want to roll once more" and then on the other hand I strongly want and desire to be sober. SO here i am another day, another moment clean and sober. I need to find my spirituality again because I am always trying to do it alone. If any of you have a hard time desipering spirituality and religion or just feel you cant be perfect- the best book i have read that helps me is called "the spirituality of imperfection" by ernest kurtz and katherine ketcham you can read it online too at http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0553...29#reader-page
Thanks for all of your support. I have been needing some becaus eI really have no one to talk to that understands what I go through each day! I am so glad I found you again! love, lyndsay

Anna

Hi Lyndsay,

I'm glad you're back and thanks for the info on the book. It sounds interesting. I think that certain books come into our lives when we really need what they have to say to us.

I think we all understand what you go through every day. It's always a struggle. For me the struggle now is not that I want to drink, but the struggle is to stay positive because if I let myself become negative and down, then eventualy I will want to drink again.

I hope you keep visiting SR because we can offer you support and understanding. I'm glad you're doing so well!

Love, Anna

ChrisMan

Hi Lyndsay,

Thanks for sharing and welcome back!

:hello2

ChrisMan

lonlion

Hi Lyndsay; Welcome Back! Congrats on being a new mommy. Totally unaware of the great joy it brings, a new life begins.
I hear your fears, desires, and concerns. I know the strong pull drug has on us addicts.
Honey you have to want this to make it come about. Try to attend as many NA meetings as you can, and post here often. We will support you and be here for you.

As for the religious/spiritual aspect. Unfortunately so many organized religions have turned us away from God. You can now start your own personal journey to your Higher Power, and learn a new relationship with your Higher Power. An unbiased, unjudgemental, unconditional loving Higher Power does exist. Seek and ye shall find.

Have fun in your journey, and enter it with as open a heart as you can. You deserve this for yourself. You also deserve a happy stable life for you and your little one.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you
Love Diana