Binge drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 21
Binge drinking
Hi all,
I'm a binge drinker. It used to be fun to binge drink. People always have funny stories about me blacking out, but I hate hearing how sloppy I get. Worse of all, I am super mean to my boyfriend and exes.
Two months ago, I got into a fight with my boyfriend, partly caused by my drinking. So, I decided to stop drinking once again. I always stop for a bit then would go back to having one-four drinks here and there (trying not to binge drink anymore). He even thinks that I could learn to control the amount I drink. However, after a while I would always end up relapsing and cause a fight.
I was doing so well. I stopped drinking for two months. I thought maybe if I boated without my boyfriend (that was the only person I would attack), I could have a few drinks. I didn't count my drinks. It was a big mistake. Hearing him at a house party made me jealous and wanted his attention. I started picking a fight with him over the phone. Now rereading our text messages, I could see how patient he was with me. He kept on telling me to stop drinking, stop writing mean things, he doesn't want to fight, and he had enough of me. However, I kept pushing and pushing until he said he doesn't need to put up with this in his life and that he was done with me. He blocked me everywhere. I couldn't get in touch with him.
I'm devasted. I couldn't apologize or explain to him that I didn't even know what I typed.
Our relationship was toxic to begin with. We keep on breaking up and getting back together, but this time was different. He cut me out of everywhere. I am so sad. We were finally making progress in our relationship. I was working on my inner self, discovering our relationship patterns, and I stopped drinking for two months (He was the only person I could stop drinking for. I never stopped for my exes). He was showing more affections and planned a mini getaway for us. We thought we could make it work this time, but I screwed everything up.
I feel really alone. All my friends are tired of us breaking up and getting back together. They were disappointed to find out we got back once more. I'm ashamed that I have a drinking problem. Why can people have fun drinking and I turn into such a horrible person when I drink.
This is my first support group. I hope I could find help and support from here.
Bella
I'm a binge drinker. It used to be fun to binge drink. People always have funny stories about me blacking out, but I hate hearing how sloppy I get. Worse of all, I am super mean to my boyfriend and exes.
Two months ago, I got into a fight with my boyfriend, partly caused by my drinking. So, I decided to stop drinking once again. I always stop for a bit then would go back to having one-four drinks here and there (trying not to binge drink anymore). He even thinks that I could learn to control the amount I drink. However, after a while I would always end up relapsing and cause a fight.
I was doing so well. I stopped drinking for two months. I thought maybe if I boated without my boyfriend (that was the only person I would attack), I could have a few drinks. I didn't count my drinks. It was a big mistake. Hearing him at a house party made me jealous and wanted his attention. I started picking a fight with him over the phone. Now rereading our text messages, I could see how patient he was with me. He kept on telling me to stop drinking, stop writing mean things, he doesn't want to fight, and he had enough of me. However, I kept pushing and pushing until he said he doesn't need to put up with this in his life and that he was done with me. He blocked me everywhere. I couldn't get in touch with him.
I'm devasted. I couldn't apologize or explain to him that I didn't even know what I typed.
Our relationship was toxic to begin with. We keep on breaking up and getting back together, but this time was different. He cut me out of everywhere. I am so sad. We were finally making progress in our relationship. I was working on my inner self, discovering our relationship patterns, and I stopped drinking for two months (He was the only person I could stop drinking for. I never stopped for my exes). He was showing more affections and planned a mini getaway for us. We thought we could make it work this time, but I screwed everything up.
I feel really alone. All my friends are tired of us breaking up and getting back together. They were disappointed to find out we got back once more. I'm ashamed that I have a drinking problem. Why can people have fun drinking and I turn into such a horrible person when I drink.
This is my first support group. I hope I could find help and support from here.
Bella
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Welcome, Bella! It really helped me to talk things over here - with those who understood. No one else in my life could relate to what I was going through.
I drank 30 yrs., and in the end it wasn't just binge drinking - it was all day. It had started out to be fun & relaxing - a way to celebrate. I never intended for it to take over my life. In the last years of my drinking career I was struggling with the same behavior you mentioned. My personality changed every time alcohol was in my system. I was confusing and hurting everyone I knew, without even realizing it. I was also putting myself in danger. I never knew where those drinks would take me. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. I couldn't trust myself to use willpower to control the amounts I drank. One drink always led to 10.
We're glad you are here - you're among friends who care, and you're never alone.
I drank 30 yrs., and in the end it wasn't just binge drinking - it was all day. It had started out to be fun & relaxing - a way to celebrate. I never intended for it to take over my life. In the last years of my drinking career I was struggling with the same behavior you mentioned. My personality changed every time alcohol was in my system. I was confusing and hurting everyone I knew, without even realizing it. I was also putting myself in danger. I never knew where those drinks would take me. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. I couldn't trust myself to use willpower to control the amounts I drank. One drink always led to 10.
We're glad you are here - you're among friends who care, and you're never alone.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family Bella! 
Sounds like drinking is wreaking havoc in your life. I would strongly suggest that you go for permanent sobriety. If you never drink again, you'll never again black out or do awful things that you regret. There are many different ways and programs for getting sober for good. I hope you'll read around the site and maybe find some inspiration and suggestions on how to stop drinking for good. 
There's lots of support here, use it to help yourself. 
Sounds like drinking is wreaking havoc in your life. I would strongly suggest that you go for permanent sobriety. If you never drink again, you'll never again black out or do awful things that you regret. There are many different ways and programs for getting sober for good. I hope you'll read around the site and maybe find some inspiration and suggestions on how to stop drinking for good. There's lots of support here, use it to help yourself. Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 75
Hello Bella,
I’m glad you are here. My drinking patterns were similar to yours with the stopping and starting drinking with failed attempts to moderate. Even if I was able to control things for a while it never lasted and inevitably I would self destruct making a fool of myself and straining relationships. I quit drinking for 4 months last year just to return to a level of drinking that was not sustainable. 36 days sober this time around and, Lord willing, for the rest of my life. The SR community has been wonderful as well as AA. I’m finding that will-powering our way into moderation does not work and the only way to move forward is permanent abstinence. I’m new to this as well!
I’m glad you are here. My drinking patterns were similar to yours with the stopping and starting drinking with failed attempts to moderate. Even if I was able to control things for a while it never lasted and inevitably I would self destruct making a fool of myself and straining relationships. I quit drinking for 4 months last year just to return to a level of drinking that was not sustainable. 36 days sober this time around and, Lord willing, for the rest of my life. The SR community has been wonderful as well as AA. I’m finding that will-powering our way into moderation does not work and the only way to move forward is permanent abstinence. I’m new to this as well!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi Bella,
Like you, I turned into a horrible person when I drank, too.
But, you can change that. You can be the person you want to be and live a sober life. I hope you decide to stop drinking for yourself.
Like you, I turned into a horrible person when I drank, too.
But, you can change that. You can be the person you want to be and live a sober life. I hope you decide to stop drinking for yourself. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 21
Yes, same. It used to be like how much I could drink to get that high instantly. For the longest time, I didn't know I am an alcoholic. I thought I was having a good time.
Oh no! Hurting ppl that we care about is the worst.
Same. There were so many times I didn't know how I got home. I was just lucky nothing terrible had happened to me.
I hear you. After a certain amount of alcohol in my system, I lose myself. The scary part is I never know when it will be.
Congratulation on your sobriety. I'm so happy you took back control of your life
"We're glad you are here - you're among friends who care, and you're never alone."
Thank you so much! I started tearing reading that. Thank you!
I do have to completely cut it out of my life.
The problem was my boyfriend likes to party and go clubbing. He doesn't have a drinking problem. I wanted to spend time together, so it was tough for me to stop drinking altogether. After a while, I always feel like it was ok for me to have a few again.
I never knew there are medications for alcoholism. I keep on thinking I have to do it cold turkey. I just heard about Naltrexone. Hoping it will decrease satisfaction from drinking and will lead to me not wanting to drink anymore.
Does anyone have any feedback on it?
Oh no! Hurting ppl that we care about is the worst.
Same. There were so many times I didn't know how I got home. I was just lucky nothing terrible had happened to me.
I hear you. After a certain amount of alcohol in my system, I lose myself. The scary part is I never know when it will be.
Congratulation on your sobriety. I'm so happy you took back control of your life
"We're glad you are here - you're among friends who care, and you're never alone."
Thank you so much! I started tearing reading that. Thank you!
I do have to completely cut it out of my life.
The problem was my boyfriend likes to party and go clubbing. He doesn't have a drinking problem. I wanted to spend time together, so it was tough for me to stop drinking altogether. After a while, I always feel like it was ok for me to have a few again.
I never knew there are medications for alcoholism. I keep on thinking I have to do it cold turkey. I just heard about Naltrexone. Hoping it will decrease satisfaction from drinking and will lead to me not wanting to drink anymore.
Does anyone have any feedback on it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by FishingDude30 
Hello Bella,
I’m glad you are here. My drinking patterns were similar to yours with the stopping and starting drinking with failed attempts to moderate. Even if I was able to control things for a while it never lasted and inevitably I would self destruct making a fool of myself and straining relationships. I quit drinking for 4 months last year just to return to a level of drinking that was not sustainable. 36 days sober this time around and, Lord willing, for the rest of my life. The SR community has been wonderful as well as AA. I’m finding that will-powering our way into moderation does not work and the only way to move forward is permanent abstinence. I’m new to this as well!
I’m glad you are here. My drinking patterns were similar to yours with the stopping and starting drinking with failed attempts to moderate. Even if I was able to control things for a while it never lasted and inevitably I would self destruct making a fool of myself and straining relationships. I quit drinking for 4 months last year just to return to a level of drinking that was not sustainable. 36 days sober this time around and, Lord willing, for the rest of my life. The SR community has been wonderful as well as AA. I’m finding that will-powering our way into moderation does not work and the only way to move forward is permanent abstinence. I’m new to this as well!
Yay! 36 days. That's awesome. We can do it.
Thank you everyone for all the supports!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Anna
Hi Bella,
Like you, I turned into a horrible person when I drank, too. But, you can change that. You can be the person you want to be and live a sober life. I hope you decide to stop drinking for yourself.
Like you, I turned into a horrible person when I drank, too.
But, you can change that. You can be the person you want to be and live a sober life. I hope you decide to stop drinking for yourself. I do have to stop drinking completely.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hello Bella,
no shame in having such a problem. though i know how it feels, as i used to be ashamed also, of not having control over it all. i “should” have the control to just enjoy one or two drinks over the course of an evening on a special occasion, yes??? no dice!
shame was misplaced and was part of many years of carrying a secret and hiding and isolating and ...blahblahblah.
glad you’re ready to do something about it!
this here: “He was the only person I could stop drinking for. I never stopped for my exes.” : most of us have found more success when we are quitting for us. for ourselves. because we wanted sobriety. which gives us a better shot at all the rest of life, including relationships.
stick around.
no shame in having such a problem. though i know how it feels, as i used to be ashamed also, of not having control over it all. i “should” have the control to just enjoy one or two drinks over the course of an evening on a special occasion, yes??? no dice!
shame was misplaced and was part of many years of carrying a secret and hiding and isolating and ...blahblahblah.
glad you’re ready to do something about it!
this here: “He was the only person I could stop drinking for. I never stopped for my exes.” : most of us have found more success when we are quitting for us. for ourselves. because we wanted sobriety. which gives us a better shot at all the rest of life, including relationships.
stick around.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
I'm a binge drinker too. I drink about every 3-6 weeks (of course i try to make it longer but I'm a chronic relapser), when I drink I drink A LOT! I say stupid things, make no sense, embarrass myself, and then don't remember any of it the next day and get anxious and can't handle it. I'm sure we've all been there.
maybe you could get in touch with a friend or family member of tour bf and say you're sorry and will be there when he's ready to talk?
we are here for you, so much support 😃
maybe you could get in touch with a friend or family member of tour bf and say you're sorry and will be there when he's ready to talk?
we are here for you, so much support
😃
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by Hellobella
Hi all,
I'm a binge drinker.
I am so sad. He was the only person I could stop drinking for.
I feel really alone.
Bella
I'm a binge drinker.
I am so sad. He was the only person I could stop drinking for.
I feel really alone.
Bella
I only quoted the parts I'm going to respond to and I'll keep it short. You never stopped drinking for your boyfriend for several reasons - you are a binge drinker, you continue to relapse (drink again after attempting to quit) and no one ever successfully quits for another person - we have to quit for ourselves because we decide we want a better, healthier, more productive life.
I think the longer you go without drinking, the clearer things will become to you regarding your drinking, your life, and why your boyfriend chose to cut you off.
And last, it doesn't matter why some people can hold their liquor and you can't. All that matters is that you can't and if you want to stop destroying relationships, it might be a good idea for you to stop drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Some good advice here Bella - especially about getting sober for yourself not someone else.
Many of us hated who we become when we drink - me included - but SR helped me turn my life around.
You can too
D
Many of us hated who we become when we drink - me included - but SR helped me turn my life around.
You can too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by fini
hello Bella,
no shame in having such a problem. though i know how it feels, as i used to be ashamed also, of not having control over it all. i “should” have the control to just enjoy one or two drinks over the course of an evening on a special occasion, yes??? no dice!
shame was misplaced and was part of many years of carrying a secret and hiding and isolating and ...blahblahblah.
glad you’re ready to do something about it!
this here: “He was the only person I could stop drinking for. I never stopped for my exes.” : most of us have found more success when we are quitting for us. for ourselves. because we wanted sobriety. which gives us a better shot at all the rest of life, including relationships.
stick around.
no shame in having such a problem. though i know how it feels, as i used to be ashamed also, of not having control over it all. i “should” have the control to just enjoy one or two drinks over the course of an evening on a special occasion, yes??? no dice!
shame was misplaced and was part of many years of carrying a secret and hiding and isolating and ...blahblahblah.
glad you’re ready to do something about it!
this here: “He was the only person I could stop drinking for. I never stopped for my exes.” : most of us have found more success when we are quitting for us. for ourselves. because we wanted sobriety. which gives us a better shot at all the rest of life, including relationships.
stick around.
Thank you that is really well said. I should be doing this for myself, not others. I never thought of that.
I will definitely stick around
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 21
to I tamed down a lot from previously. I used to blackout all the time. I would always ask everyone around me what have I done the night before and check up with my boyfriend if I had said/done anything mean to him.
Our relationship has been really tough since covid hits. We no longer work together, I had to move far away from him, and he was so stressed/busy trying to provide for his family. We had broken up three times for the past two months. We just got back a week ago, and this was the last straw.
On the plus side is that I've been working on my inner self/inner child/ codependent issue for the past two months (when we first broke up during covid). It's helping me to talk through my negative thoughts and to bring myself back to the present. It is still very challenging, and is a constant battle.
I am really grateful that i could talk to so many ppl about this here. Thank you so much for all the support.
Let's support each other. I will be here for you too
Originally Posted by anxiousrock
I'm a binge drinker too. I drink about every 3-6 weeks (of course i try to make it longer but I'm a chronic relapser), when I drink I drink A LOT! I say stupid things, make no sense, embarrass myself, and then don't remember any of it the next day and get anxious and can't handle it. I'm sure we've all been there.
maybe you could get in touch with a friend or family member of tour bf and say you're sorry and will be there when he's ready to talk?
we are here for you, so much support 😃
maybe you could get in touch with a friend or family member of tour bf and say you're sorry and will be there when he's ready to talk?
we are here for you, so much support
😃Our relationship has been really tough since covid hits. We no longer work together, I had to move far away from him, and he was so stressed/busy trying to provide for his family. We had broken up three times for the past two months. We just got back a week ago, and this was the last straw.
On the plus side is that I've been working on my inner self/inner child/ codependent issue for the past two months (when we first broke up during covid). It's helping me to talk through my negative thoughts and to bring myself back to the present. It is still very challenging, and is a constant battle.
I am really grateful that i could talk to so many ppl about this here. Thank you so much for all the support.
Let's support each other. I will be here for you too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by LumenandNyx
Bella,
I only quoted the parts I'm going to respond to and I'll keep it short. You never stopped drinking for your boyfriend for several reasons - you are a binge drinker, you continue to relapse (drink again after attempting to quit) and no one ever successfully quits for another person - we have to quit for ourselves because we decide we want a better, healthier, more productive life.
I think the longer you go without drinking, the clearer things will become to you regarding your drinking, your life, and why your boyfriend chose to cut you off.
And last, it doesn't matter why some people can hold their liquor and you can't. All that matters is that you can't, and if you want to stop destroying relationships, it might be a good idea for you to stop drinking.
I only quoted the parts I'm going to respond to and I'll keep it short. You never stopped drinking for your boyfriend for several reasons - you are a binge drinker, you continue to relapse (drink again after attempting to quit) and no one ever successfully quits for another person - we have to quit for ourselves because we decide we want a better, healthier, more productive life.
I think the longer you go without drinking, the clearer things will become to you regarding your drinking, your life, and why your boyfriend chose to cut you off.
And last, it doesn't matter why some people can hold their liquor and you can't. All that matters is that you can't, and if you want to stop destroying relationships, it might be a good idea for you to stop drinking.
It's so true. I never did stop drinking. I kept on relapsing.
Yes, you are correct. I need to do this for myself for a healthier and more productive life.
Having a few drinks will eventually lead to relapses. I have to quit!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Dee74
Some good advice here Bella - especially about getting sober for yourself not someone else.
Many of us hated who we become when we drink - me included - but SR helped me turn my life around.
You can too
D
Many of us hated who we become when we drink - me included - but SR helped me turn my life around.
You can too
D
I am nervous/skeptical to think that I won't touch alcohol again because it is more challenging than I thought.
Especially since I just realized that I never stopped. It will be a long battle.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
yeah, finding that it is tougher than you/we/i thought is such a wake-up call!
for the longest time i was quite convinced i just could do this quitting thing anytime, easy-breezy, a few urges here and there...and then kept finding myself "inexplicably" buying the stuff again and drinking even though i had decided not to.
glad to see you sticking around!
for the longest time i was quite convinced i just could do this quitting thing anytime, easy-breezy, a few urges here and there...and then kept finding myself "inexplicably" buying the stuff again and drinking even though i had decided not to.
glad to see you sticking around!
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