Misssy2

don't like seeing myself as an alcoholic it is something I have been defined by my whole life.
Its not fair cause that is not all I am.

Anna

You don't need to define yourself by the term alcoholic. I'm sure you are many more wonderful things, so why not focus on those terms?

PuckLuck

Okay.

...but it doesn't have to be if you would quit telling yourself that.

You are so much more than your addiction.

doggonecarl

I am an alcoholic. But I am defined either by my drinking, or my sobriety. I choose to be defined by my sobriety.

SnazzyDresser

I like being a sober ex-drunk with his working brain back a whole lot more than being a sloppy fat active drunk who was basically a dead zombie walking. Try to cultivate your preference for being sober right now, Missy. That's the choice you get.

Steely

We are all much more than just "an alcoholic", Missy. Deeper levels to ourselves we know to exist, but have avoided, obliterated, denied, with alcohol.

It is these deeper more real levels of self that sobriety allows us to explore. And without which the label "alcoholic" tends to stick.

We redefine ourselves with sobriety, Missy. I can't recommend it enough. Takes works, as do most things of any substance.

In essence, we get to define ourselves.

nez

Whether I liked it or not, when I was actively drinking, my drinking defined me because it was the one constant, predominate, and ever present factor in everything I did. In recovery, the drinking is nonexistent, so it can't possibly define me any longer.

bodhi01

Personally, I think if you quit drinking you're not an alcoholic anymore. You're only an alcoholic when drinking. That's my belief. Many will disagree but personally, thinking that way never did me any good. It will make you feel beaten down, labelled and stigmatized your whole life. I quit drinking a few days ago and I'm no longer an alcoholic. I was but I'm not anymore. I won't lose sight of the fact I was and I won't go back. Perhaps consider that mindset and see if it reinvigorates you.

BeABetterMan

I'm an alcoholic. I'm short. My hair is thinning. I wear glasses. I don't have many friends. I'm opinionated.

I'm also really smart. I'm resourceful. I'm a great dad. I love to help others. I'm opinionated.

I don't like some of those things, but I am a collection of those things. At least I'm not an a-hole, I'm not dumb, I'm not a POS dad. Maybe you could make the same list for yourself. Truth is, if anyone made these lists they are going to have things they like and things they don't.

I noticed you didn't mention having cancer, or being prison, or being a child abuser. There are a lot worse things to be than an alcoholic. Truth be told, most of the recovered alcoholics I know are AMAZING people. It's up to us to define what an alcoholic is. Are we the drunk driving deadbeat parents with a meth pipe in our pocket on the run from the law? Or do we believe in God, are we of service to others, do we practice compassion?

I think I've just accepted being an alcoholic because I've met so many awesome ones.

LumenandNyx

Check this out: The definition of define is "state or describe exactly the nature, scope, or meaning of." What this means is - if you don't like it, CHANGE it.

It's useless to dislike the way others look at or define you. You could spend the rest of your life trying to get other people to see you the way you want them to. They're going to see you the way they want to anyway - it's their prerogative.

Your definition of you is the only one that counts.

Surrendered19

Hey Missy, perhaps don't call yourself an alcoholic and don't think of yourself that way. You just don't drink anymore, right? That's the important bit. Call yourself a non-drinker. Or don't call yourself anything. Just stay away from the drink for good. Then it ceases to matter what you call it because it no longer has anything to do with you. If you don't like the "A" word because you envision a future of controlled and normal drinking, then we got problems right?

fini

well, you likely have NOT been defined by that your whole life. you had years and years where you were not defined by it, not by yourself nor by others.
so there’s that.
i find it useful to challenge my statements about what has been so my whole life, always or never. those terms are rarely accurate. for me.
also, understanding myself to be an alcoholic has been the understanding i needed to turn this ship around. if i thought i wasn’t one, i just might get crazy ideas about having a drink here and there because i’m not an alcoholic so therefore that’s not a problem....

you get to choose how you see yourself, Misssy, absolutely. but best not to dismiss the view just because we don’t like it.

anxiousrock

You are not just an alcoholic.....so much more!
but, I can completely relate to what you're saying.

MaximusD

I agree with BABM. We are a lot of things. Whether you refer to yourself as an alcoholic or not is up to you. I call myself that at times but if my wife does it bothers me. I think I would rather NOT call myself an alcoholic but that is my choice.

PeaceManic

I for one am not just an alcoholic! I'm also a degenerate gambler.

After my latest adventures my liver function tests came back a bit messed up, so whatever I call myself, it sort of puts alcohol out of the picture now forever. Been scheduled for another scan and repeat bloods. I'm sure they scanned my liver and said it wasn't cirhosis, but fatty liver, so there's either a mïx up, or they're checking again?

Either way I'm obviously on the edge of permanent damage. It's kind of a relief in a twisted way. The who whys or what, won't matter if I mess up my liver. I'll be lucky if I come out unscathed and I hope as many people as possible can stop before too much damage is done.

Hawkeye13

A difficult truth is not a encompassing label of your content as a human being.

I think it is a roadmap out of madness.

A “strangely wrapped gift” . . . or even a blessing, if you are that way inclined.

Aellyce

I never call myself an alcoholic anywhere except recovery communities like this, here it serves a function and is a good reminder that I had a very serious disease that is in remission, but could recur if I thought I never had it and could now drink normally.

I think it is similar to how many people with other chronic diseases don't like to be defined by their health issue, e.g. say a person with epilepsy instead of epileptic, a person with diabetes instead of diabetic etc. If that sounds better, you could think of yourself as a person with a drinking problem. Or just a nondrinker, if that is true.

shortstop81

I don't really label myself as an alcoholic. I just don't drink or use drugs anymore. I'm not really in many situations where I need to explain or label myself.

Hawkeye13

I label myself a non drinker these days, but stay vigilant around temptation and triggers.

I found it difficult to self identify as a non drinker, even when I initially had nearly two years of sobriety. In hindsight, I think I wanted to keep the door cracked to drink again.

Not this time. I’m done ✅

Cascabel

You are a teetotaler. With resolve, you will be a teetotaler for the rest of your life. In the past you may have been an alcoholic but that’s behind you now. Define yourself as a teetotaler, it’s something you can be proud of.