vkf

Morning, or afternoon everyone, just wanted to check in. Went to my first meeting and what a rush of emotions. Just wanted to say how much I appreciate this site once again.
Made it through a day of work and it was a walking in an fog like experience to say the least. Here's to 1 more day in the trenches. Still a little shakey and sweating. Anexity is definitely kicking my butt. Like a wave, its calm then hold on and get tossed around for awhile. Hopefully this ends soon and I can post something that helps someone else but not there just yet.

Awake61

Your post helped me this morning. Stay strong.

D122y

I relate. My brain was fried from drinking. I managed to maintain my ability to quickly do math and make reactionary decisions for work, but I was in a hazy, scary, paranoid place. Lights were too bright, noises were too loud etc.

Scary stuff that helped keep me addicted for decades. I was unaware that as i sobered up, the anxiety and paranoia escalated. It took sr to teach me that this was normal and why some folks end up on meds to stay clean.

I dealt with the hell and remained med free. Dr. Free. I didn't see a Dr. For 2 years after i quit. When I went in for a check up I told him I don't drink any more. End of discussion ftmp. I use sr to hold me accountable. My wife and kid are counting on me as well. I am counting on me too. Nobody else gives a hoot. That is why having folks in my corner is very very important. Responsibility. Being a big boy.

it takes years to get used to normal. I am still seeing changes and still have moments that remind me how terrible it used to be. The scars are inside, but they are huge and are still healing. I hope they never fully heal so I never forget and relapse.

Thanks.

Bilbao

It gets easier as things settle down a bit. Keep checking in and posting here.

Dee74

Hang in there vkf - its rough in the beginning but I promise it gets better

D

Verdantia

Hey, vkf-- brilliant job--it does get easier as you rack up the sober days. Keep posting and hanging out here. You got this.

vkf

Another drink less day down but also another sleepless one. Happy to say the withdrawls are finally done with the exception of the insomnia. Being tired and limiting myself to 2 cups of coffee is challenging on its own. Yesterday went. For walk, hit a meeting, went to work and mowed my yard. One would with all that I would have slept but some how I just toss and turn. Finally fell asleep at 3am just to get up at 630.
Was feeling decent last night then my wife puts me in check with a question "why is this time different?". Thought at least I would have some time to get my feet underneath me.
She wants to dig through the garage and what not to make sure nothing is hidden.
What a freaking mess...

Anna

You're doing great! I'm sorry your wife is not supportive at this time. Hopefully that will change. Just because we feel like it's different this time, doesn't mean others see that. I know it's hard, but continue to show your wife through your actions that you are changing.

nez

When I was newly sober for the umpteenth time, my wife had nothing to base trusting me on. Shattered dreams and broken promises were no foundation for trust and because i was newly sober my history of being sober was brief to say the least. As the days went by, she slowly got solid material to start building her trust on as my history of being sober increased.

When I was asked "why is this time different?", I didn't have an answer; but somehow I just knew that it was. The question was never asked again because proof was happening, as was trust.

vkf

Thanks guys, I'm very thankful to be another day without one. I know I can't control how she feels but seeing the look in her eyes when I told her was so devastating. I'm not going to screw this time I hope but can say this time also does feel different. It feels more releasing if that makes sense at all. Maybe it's cause I jumped head first into the program or it's just a honeymoon phase. Not sure either way and I dont want to get cocky. Done that one many times before.

Will admit I look foward to the meetings and the writing times. Hard to put in words I guess but it definitely feels different and more sure.

The brain fog is like a roller coaster. Clarity then just there. I prefer the clarity hahaha.

TiredCarpenter

Good job, vkf!
Your resolve to live better is obvious. To remain sober.

I find that if I expect certain results from people in situations, things often don’t turn out as I had imagined. This can throw me off and I’ll become agitated. No wonder AA suggests that we are powerless over people, places, and things.
If I can be easy-going with my expectations I’m able to remain mostly content.

Practicing gratitude has become a very valuable part of my recovery lately.

At 61 days sober, I couldn’t be more content. It is splendid to feel this way.

I’m glad you are with us.
Keep posting.

Dee74

Change is a process vkf and change takes time.
Give your wife time too

D