I relate. My brain was fried from drinking. I managed to maintain my ability to quickly do math and make reactionary decisions for work, but I was in a hazy, scary, paranoid place. Lights were too bright, noises were too loud etc.
Scary stuff that helped keep me addicted for decades. I was unaware that as i sobered up, the anxiety and paranoia escalated. It took sr to teach me that this was normal and why some folks end up on meds to stay clean.
I dealt with the hell and remained med free. Dr. Free. I didn't see a Dr. For 2 years after i quit. When I went in for a check up I told him I don't drink any more. End of discussion ftmp. I use sr to hold me accountable. My wife and kid are counting on me as well. I am counting on me too. Nobody else gives a hoot. That is why having folks in my corner is very very important. Responsibility. Being a big boy.
it takes years to get used to normal. I am still seeing changes and still have moments that remind me how terrible it used to be. The scars are inside, but they are huge and are still healing. I hope they never fully heal so I never forget and relapse.
Thanks.