Just dont know anymore...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 22
Just dont know anymore...
I dont even know where to start.. maybe i should start from the beginning i suppose. But this will be a longg longg post
With my partner for nearly 10 years, we met young 17 to be exact... we had a great relationship loved each other very much or so i thought? Went on lots of holidays together and basicly were attatched at the hip. My partner drank alot when we were younger. God so i did its what u do when your young or again so i thought.. as we grew and rented our first flst together at 20 everything was still great we then moved to our first house. This is when i started to realise. That hr was STILL taking cocaine... i say still as i knew he done it when he was younger more fool me for thinking it was something he would grow out of... any way... the arguments started him saying it wasnt a problem me saying it was. After 2 years of this back and forth (at this stage i still didnt think it was a problem to the extent it was) i then called it quite told him to pack his bags and he said he could not live with out me.. that night without going into major detail as it still hurts i found him on my stairs he had hung himself. Luckily i got there on time. Ambulance came police came wnd they took him away i sat in a&e for two horrible hours not knowing if he was alive or dead. Fast forward a yea and things were good i thought he had realised how bad this was and we have just bought our first home together! Fast forward nearly another year and the drugs all came to surface again! There had been arguments over his drinking which to me seemed to be increasing to him it wasnt... so again i said ive had enough. He lived with his mum for 2 weeks or so and i came home.from.work to him oj our step breaking his heart with flowers telling me how much he missed me how he loved me and would do anything for me! I said ok lets try. 2 months or so later. I found out i was pregnant. But it only got WORSE we wentnon holidag when i was 3 months to have our last us time before there was 3 of us! It was nice.. one month agter that here we go again another drug bill for nearl 1000 needs paid! Fab he have a baby on the way... so i told him me and his child or the drink and drugs and guess what? He walked away.. fastfoward 3 months he is living with an older lady who shares the same problems i wasnt to contact he would do weekly "check ins" as i was just an incubator to him ....his words.. so 29 weeks pregnant i then find out baby has stopped growing. I let him know to be told im making it up to hurt him? Yeah thats what im doing jeeez! Anyway he appeared at the hospital (bottle of wine down his jumper i may add) and then i was in for 2 weeks. I let him intonthe labour asni felt like i needed him there i needed to hear his voice! He slept through most of it as he was having withdrawels... anyway baby is here 4.13lbs and it my life just went from hell to more hell. We got bsck together me hoping that our child would maybr make him see the light? Little did i know thid woman was still in th3 background... another horrible 2 months walking in on them together etc u name it anf it was finally just us 3 the way i always wanted it! He moved back in i done my best to forget hr was in such a bad place and blamrd it alll on drink and drugs and again loved me so si much yadda yadda yadda.. 2 years down the line. So many arguments over drink and drugs (all when son wasnt there i made sure of this) yeah i done the usual ultimatums you name it.. we would have some lovely family times then some horrible where r you why are u not home are u still alive times??? God it was horrible but i would have done ANYTHUNG for him i loved him i loved him more than myself. I work i run the house the hasnt paid joint mortgage in 3 1/2 years or providied for his son nothing.. anyway i just kept thinkiny he is still struggling it will get better he will go back to hard working guy i kniw and love bla bla bla. Fastfoward again to now? He hasnt seen his son in 10 weeks we have no contact as guess what? He didnt love me amymore he hadnt loved me for years and guess what again yep found out THE NEXT DAY he is living with another woman again! And it hurt more this time. The pain was unbelieveable but i picked myself up went to a lawyer to deal with the house once and for all. He had never been alone with out son i always supervised hut after abuse threats u name i refuse to do that now and told my lawyer i wanted a contact centre with drink and drug tests! Today i recieve a message from said new girlfriend asking to not ti go to courts he will do anything he is broke without his son bla bla bla... but i went to a lawyer 10 weeks ago???? Why now he then fones me to tell me how healthy he is now how he is the happiest he has ever been and how he will proove me wrong and pass tests with flying colours... oh and wait for this. He wants ME TO TAKE DRUG TESTS and will be telling his lawyer this.
i dont even know why im writint all this on here i just feel like i need to vent i just feel like im never going to get over all of this. Ive not once contacted him im doing it through lawyers but he always finds a way to drag me down and kick me in the teeth! I done everything i could for this guy gave him the world for 10 years and he didnt even have th3 d3cency to ebd our relationship and tell me ge gad met someone else??
please kick some sense into me there were times h3 was reported missing and found sleeping in my shed. My neighbours have seen him 3 weeks ago snooping srounf my house and looking in my windows (i called the police) i just dont know what to do anymore
With my partner for nearly 10 years, we met young 17 to be exact... we had a great relationship loved each other very much or so i thought? Went on lots of holidays together and basicly were attatched at the hip. My partner drank alot when we were younger. God so i did its what u do when your young or again so i thought.. as we grew and rented our first flst together at 20 everything was still great we then moved to our first house. This is when i started to realise. That hr was STILL taking cocaine... i say still as i knew he done it when he was younger more fool me for thinking it was something he would grow out of... any way... the arguments started him saying it wasnt a problem me saying it was. After 2 years of this back and forth (at this stage i still didnt think it was a problem to the extent it was) i then called it quite told him to pack his bags and he said he could not live with out me.. that night without going into major detail as it still hurts i found him on my stairs he had hung himself. Luckily i got there on time. Ambulance came police came wnd they took him away i sat in a&e for two horrible hours not knowing if he was alive or dead. Fast forward a yea and things were good i thought he had realised how bad this was and we have just bought our first home together! Fast forward nearly another year and the drugs all came to surface again! There had been arguments over his drinking which to me seemed to be increasing to him it wasnt... so again i said ive had enough. He lived with his mum for 2 weeks or so and i came home.from.work to him oj our step breaking his heart with flowers telling me how much he missed me how he loved me and would do anything for me! I said ok lets try. 2 months or so later. I found out i was pregnant. But it only got WORSE we wentnon holidag when i was 3 months to have our last us time before there was 3 of us! It was nice.. one month agter that here we go again another drug bill for nearl 1000 needs paid! Fab he have a baby on the way... so i told him me and his child or the drink and drugs and guess what? He walked away.. fastfoward 3 months he is living with an older lady who shares the same problems i wasnt to contact he would do weekly "check ins" as i was just an incubator to him ....his words.. so 29 weeks pregnant i then find out baby has stopped growing. I let him know to be told im making it up to hurt him? Yeah thats what im doing jeeez! Anyway he appeared at the hospital (bottle of wine down his jumper i may add) and then i was in for 2 weeks. I let him intonthe labour asni felt like i needed him there i needed to hear his voice! He slept through most of it as he was having withdrawels... anyway baby is here 4.13lbs and it my life just went from hell to more hell. We got bsck together me hoping that our child would maybr make him see the light? Little did i know thid woman was still in th3 background... another horrible 2 months walking in on them together etc u name it anf it was finally just us 3 the way i always wanted it! He moved back in i done my best to forget hr was in such a bad place and blamrd it alll on drink and drugs and again loved me so si much yadda yadda yadda.. 2 years down the line. So many arguments over drink and drugs (all when son wasnt there i made sure of this) yeah i done the usual ultimatums you name it.. we would have some lovely family times then some horrible where r you why are u not home are u still alive times??? God it was horrible but i would have done ANYTHUNG for him i loved him i loved him more than myself. I work i run the house the hasnt paid joint mortgage in 3 1/2 years or providied for his son nothing.. anyway i just kept thinkiny he is still struggling it will get better he will go back to hard working guy i kniw and love bla bla bla. Fastfoward again to now? He hasnt seen his son in 10 weeks we have no contact as guess what? He didnt love me amymore he hadnt loved me for years and guess what again yep found out THE NEXT DAY he is living with another woman again! And it hurt more this time. The pain was unbelieveable but i picked myself up went to a lawyer to deal with the house once and for all. He had never been alone with out son i always supervised hut after abuse threats u name i refuse to do that now and told my lawyer i wanted a contact centre with drink and drug tests! Today i recieve a message from said new girlfriend asking to not ti go to courts he will do anything he is broke without his son bla bla bla... but i went to a lawyer 10 weeks ago???? Why now he then fones me to tell me how healthy he is now how he is the happiest he has ever been and how he will proove me wrong and pass tests with flying colours... oh and wait for this. He wants ME TO TAKE DRUG TESTS and will be telling his lawyer this.
i dont even know why im writint all this on here i just feel like i need to vent i just feel like im never going to get over all of this. Ive not once contacted him im doing it through lawyers but he always finds a way to drag me down and kick me in the teeth! I done everything i could for this guy gave him the world for 10 years and he didnt even have th3 d3cency to ebd our relationship and tell me ge gad met someone else??
please kick some sense into me there were times h3 was reported missing and found sleeping in my shed. My neighbours have seen him 3 weeks ago snooping srounf my house and looking in my windows (i called the police) i just dont know what to do anymore
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I don’t know what to say? Just when I think alcohol took me to new lows in my life I read about a man that has sunk to depths that I cannot imagine.
You sound a very caring person that is so totally trapped by your past. He’s a wrong ‘un I’m afraid. I understand the drink and drug addiction (any addiction actually) but shacking up with lots of other women when you have a child and young partner... well....
Maybe the friends and family section would be a good place for you to seek counsel as well?
You sound a very caring person that is so totally trapped by your past. He’s a wrong ‘un I’m afraid. I understand the drink and drug addiction (any addiction actually) but shacking up with lots of other women when you have a child and young partner... well....
Maybe the friends and family section would be a good place for you to seek counsel as well?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 22
Thank you, i just dont even know what to say anymore myself. I feel like a big worthless peice of cra* to say the least. Ive been reading these forums for quite a while a couple of years ago and then came back recently and something just made me like venting a bit today! Every time i pick myself up i just feel like he does something else to tey and twist the knife!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
First of all do not feel like a piece of crap. You are not I am sure just from hearing about the situation. I am so far removed from a situation like this that I dont know what to say either. I think just be strong and move on with your life like it sounds like you are trying to do. He needs to commit to getting off booze and drugs but I think I would just forget about it except for the child together. Sounds like you are on the right track by calling police if you hear he is snooping around and just dealing with the lawyers. Very sorry for this situation. I wish you the best and look forward to hearing more from you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Oh wow. I just read your story and I wish I could give you a big hug, your story made me want to cry. Alcohol and drugs are so evil, their power is so strong, that the alcoholic/addict does the most unspeakable things and hurt the people closest to them to get their drink and drug of choice.
I definitely think its would be a great idea to post this in the friends and family of alcoholics forum as the guys there are the ones who have experience with living with alcoholics and addicts and will be able to share their experience , strength and hope with you. As a female to another female I feel that you are 100% doing the right thing. You need to protect yourself and your son. You are completely powerless over him and his addictions, the things he says and how he acts. You have to put YOU first. Have you heard of Al-Anon? It is a support group for people like yourselves with addicted partners, the same as Alcoholics Anonymous is a support group for alcoholics. I believe they use something called the 3 C's. You didn't CAUSE it, you can't CONTROL it, you cannot CURE it.
Speaking as an alcoholic myself, I know I did some terrible things to my loved ones when I was in my addiction. I know that no one could stop me drinking, even my own daughter till I wanted to do it. Trying to kill yourself like your partner did is a pretty low bottom and he wasn't willing to stop after that. So there is nothing you can do my lovely except what you are doing now. Get the house put in your name, contact the police if he is coming round and stalking you, personally I would be looking at no contact or supervised contact at the very least.
Keep posting, Sober Recovery is an absolutely amazing place, you will get so much support here so you will not be alone whilst you go through this.
Lots of big cyber hugs to you.
❤🙏❤🙏
I definitely think its would be a great idea to post this in the friends and family of alcoholics forum as the guys there are the ones who have experience with living with alcoholics and addicts and will be able to share their experience , strength and hope with you. As a female to another female I feel that you are 100% doing the right thing. You need to protect yourself and your son. You are completely powerless over him and his addictions, the things he says and how he acts. You have to put YOU first. Have you heard of Al-Anon? It is a support group for people like yourselves with addicted partners, the same as Alcoholics Anonymous is a support group for alcoholics. I believe they use something called the 3 C's. You didn't CAUSE it, you can't CONTROL it, you cannot CURE it.
Speaking as an alcoholic myself, I know I did some terrible things to my loved ones when I was in my addiction. I know that no one could stop me drinking, even my own daughter till I wanted to do it. Trying to kill yourself like your partner did is a pretty low bottom and he wasn't willing to stop after that. So there is nothing you can do my lovely except what you are doing now. Get the house put in your name, contact the police if he is coming round and stalking you, personally I would be looking at no contact or supervised contact at the very least.
Keep posting, Sober Recovery is an absolutely amazing place, you will get so much support here so you will not be alone whilst you go through this.
Lots of big cyber hugs to you.
❤🙏❤🙏
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Nic,
I’m sorry you have so much going on. I am glad you came here and posted. I think it might be helpful for you to have someone to talk to as well. I know it’s tricky to go anywhere in person right now, but there are lots of online and phone appointments available.
Th inking about you my friend. Sending you lots of love.💕
I’m sorry you have so much going on. I am glad you came here and posted. I think it might be helpful for you to have someone to talk to as well. I know it’s tricky to go anywhere in person right now, but there are lots of online and phone appointments available.
Th inking about you my friend. Sending you lots of love.💕
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 22
Thank you, i know im doing the right thing i think he just gets into my head! I try noy let it happen but cant seem tk avoid it! I have to say with the suicide thing i should add he told me he didnt mean it. Thag it was attention and to stop me from leaving him?? He said when he woke up he realised what had happend and was in shock himself. So yeah lucky i didnt just stay in my bed and leave him too as i would usually do! I read my story and think what an idiot i am. Why would anyone put themselves through it? I dont love him anymore infact i dnt have much feeling towards him at all... so i cang understand why he still manages to hurt me? Im not hurt about the new gf i think its more thr way he treats me as a peice of ****! He said today on the phone we were together 10 years yiud think id be able to be nice to him as i know he is a good guy deep down and wouldnt harm anyone..... Em hello? Can hr just not remember everything he has done to me or does he just not effing care!!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
You aren't an idiot. Don't bash yourself with a stick my lovely, you have had enough of that from him already. He will try to get into your head now that you are making a stand. He is a very sick person and he isn't capable of thinking about the hurt he is causing you or your well being. When I was drinking I blamed everyone else for my drinking, it was always everyone else who was the problem not me, I would lie about how much I drank and that I was sober when I wasn't. I took pills a few times to try and kill myself not really wanting to kill myself and I didn't care about what effect that had on the people closest to me, I would lie, manipulate, cheat and it would all be somebody else's fault of course.
He is completely lost in his addictions and his mind is so warped. That isn't an excuse for his behaviour by any means. Only when I became willing to get sober (and I had to be broken to do so) and started working the steps of AA I was able to sew the damage I had caused and was able to begin repairing it.
Just try to take it one day at a time. One day at a time you can focus on yourself and your son and do the next right thing for you and your son. Your partner isn't your responsibility. You and your son are. That's it. I would block the girlfriend, you do not have to read messages from her she has nothing to do with what is going on between yourself and your partner. Are you able to block him and only have communication via lawyers? The less you have ti hear from him or see him the better. If he does contact you do not get back into the ring with him.
It's great you have come here to post. There will always be someone who can respond.
He is completely lost in his addictions and his mind is so warped. That isn't an excuse for his behaviour by any means. Only when I became willing to get sober (and I had to be broken to do so) and started working the steps of AA I was able to sew the damage I had caused and was able to begin repairing it.
Just try to take it one day at a time. One day at a time you can focus on yourself and your son and do the next right thing for you and your son. Your partner isn't your responsibility. You and your son are. That's it. I would block the girlfriend, you do not have to read messages from her she has nothing to do with what is going on between yourself and your partner. Are you able to block him and only have communication via lawyers? The less you have ti hear from him or see him the better. If he does contact you do not get back into the ring with him.
It's great you have come here to post. There will always be someone who can respond.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 22
Thank you so much everyone. I do well as soon as he gets in contact (i have had him blocked the whole 9 weeks) it just throws me back last week he got a friend to ask if i could drop of his mail? Even though he gets no mail to my house and he knows that! And yesterday it was the message frim gf and then fone call from him telling me how healthy happy and sober he was it just really set me back a few steps. Ita hard to hear someone you were so close to he was my bestfriend tell you how much he never cared for you and didnt want to be with you for years. But i suppose it is it what it is. I just need to keep strong!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
My heart broke reading this, but through it all I am seeing your resilience and strength and love for your life and your son. You have fought kicking and screaming for someone to see the light and sometimes, we cannot carry the cross for another.
I think counseling, therapy and a support system will do you wonders. You will find the support here but make sure you take care of yourself for you and your son.
You still have time to enjoy life and I am sorry to say, how he chooses to live is not your responsibility.
You will prevail, I know it. You are so very strong and have shown it. Keep going and find your joy.
Rooting for you, keep logging on.
Nic.
I think counseling, therapy and a support system will do you wonders. You will find the support here but make sure you take care of yourself for you and your son.
You still have time to enjoy life and I am sorry to say, how he chooses to live is not your responsibility.
You will prevail, I know it. You are so very strong and have shown it. Keep going and find your joy.
Rooting for you, keep logging on.
Nic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 22
So if you see my other post you will see ive been taunted at my work by ex and his new gf (she is a patient at my work) had messages from the girlfriend asking me not to go to court regarding our son .. ..to sit down and talk to him as he is broken (yeah im sure) had a fone call telling me how happy healthy he is and this is the happiest and healthiest he has been for years and more... BUT Well .. that took another turn! Monday morning at 9.00am my door got chapped... first thought yayyy my parcel is here.. looked through the glass no one there.. aww great ive missed it. Open the door and who is there exaf stinking of alcohol and i mean stale horrible alcohol Crying (no tears very fake!) Wanting to see our son... i said one you are drunk two he isnt here he has been living with my parents during this pandemic due to my occupation! Ive not seen him in 6 weeks now!.. anyway he says i know im drunk but its breaking my heart. Told him go to his lawyer and to get away from my door before i call the police!! He then shouts get him effing out here to i kick his **** in! I did not havr a clue what he meant so again told him to go away that i will call the police he said i mean who ever is lying in my EFFING bed get him out here now! I said one its not your bed and two even if there was its none of your business! Go home to your girlfriend and leave me alone!!! He then barged past me ran up my stairs wrecked my room looking in cupboards behind side if my bed behind my shower curtain checked our sons room and then ran downstairs and checked my livingroom and kitchen before running out my back door! I then locked the door ran to the front one to close and lock that as he started crying again saying "he misses his son" wtf? What if your son was ****** here and you are doing that! So again go away home and leave me alone!! He then proceeds to smash up all my front fence and run away as i was on the fone to the police!! Luckily a neighbour seen it all and gave a full statement! She seen him run up the lane punch all the lamposts and pick up a bottle of whiskey from the bushes and run!! (I cant see this far from my house) so now there is a warrent out and an emergancy response on my house... WHEN DOES IT END!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 22
I know. He hasnt been around my house while i have been in for over 3 month now so it actually really took me by suprise!! Guess he cant be as happy as he tried to make out he was 3 weeks ago... so sick of it wish i could just get on with my life
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