First of all do not feel like a piece of crap. You are not I am sure just from hearing about the situation. I am so far removed from a situation like this that I dont know what to say either. I think just be strong and move on with your life like it sounds like you are trying to do. He needs to commit to getting off booze and drugs but I think I would just forget about it except for the child together. Sounds like you are on the right track by calling police if you hear he is snooping around and just dealing with the lawyers. Very sorry for this situation. I wish you the best and look forward to hearing more from you.