Been a while since ive posted
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Been a while since ive posted
Since i relapsed a month or so ago i havnt been able to get more than 2 or 3 days clean. Im on day 3 i believe and still having serious withdrawls... 2 days ago i was sure i would die i wanted to call the ambulance so many times so bad but with this virus situation and single mom to my son i was afraid what would happen when they found all the drugs in my system too so i made it through and survived. Still dont feel normal im sweating and sometimes i almost faint but we took a walk today and ive been drinking water and just trying to get myself together physically and mentally. I have also tried a few online meetings and its just not the same for me. The in person meetings really were helping me. Isolated in the house has been the worst case scenario. I havnt wanted to come on here because its just embarrassing for me because i had been doing so well... i know no one here can help me stop and its up to me ultimately but since you all have been knowing my story and encouraged me in the past i figured i would come on here... If i want to make it past 3 days i have to try to do something different this time you know?
I hope your all doing well in these times and thanks for listening
I hope your all doing well in these times and thanks for listening
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Sanchez 3 days or 2 days was the start.
Here is the deal. Booze starts out a heavy 2 pronged addiction. Physical and mental.
It sounds like you might be a bit kindled. You have been drinking off and on for decades. Additionally, you might have some antidepressants or some pills you mixed with drinking.
Everyone is different and the company line is see a Dr.
In my experience....I used heavy exercise and sweets to trick my brain. This went on for over a year. I suffered horribly getting clean, but the as far as I could tell, nobody knew it.
I was never diagnosed by a Dr. I decided to quit and made it this far.
There is no miracle, mystery, steps, etc etc. I do believe in God and without God, I am doomed. My faith is my bedrock.
I used to curl up in a ball and whimper. That suffering hardened me and made any appeal to relapse scary.
If you are in the hell I was, suffer, suffer, suffer. If quitting was easy, addiction wouldn't be addiction.
It boils down to the lack of dopamine production caused by alcohol usage.
It takes a long time to get used to normal and that is why so few make it out.
This place saved my life.
Pleasempost and ask questions before you drink. If you are on meds, you need to stay on them until you speak with a Dr.
Remember, the Dr. Is the most conservative way.
Thanks.
Here is the deal. Booze starts out a heavy 2 pronged addiction. Physical and mental.
It sounds like you might be a bit kindled. You have been drinking off and on for decades. Additionally, you might have some antidepressants or some pills you mixed with drinking.
Everyone is different and the company line is see a Dr.
In my experience....I used heavy exercise and sweets to trick my brain. This went on for over a year. I suffered horribly getting clean, but the as far as I could tell, nobody knew it.
I was never diagnosed by a Dr. I decided to quit and made it this far.
There is no miracle, mystery, steps, etc etc. I do believe in God and without God, I am doomed. My faith is my bedrock.
I used to curl up in a ball and whimper. That suffering hardened me and made any appeal to relapse scary.
If you are in the hell I was, suffer, suffer, suffer. If quitting was easy, addiction wouldn't be addiction.
It boils down to the lack of dopamine production caused by alcohol usage.
It takes a long time to get used to normal and that is why so few make it out.
This place saved my life.
Pleasempost and ask questions before you drink. If you are on meds, you need to stay on them until you speak with a Dr.
Remember, the Dr. Is the most conservative way.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Thank you for responding
Originally Posted by D122y 
Sanchez 3 days or 2 days was the start.
Here is the deal. Booze starts out a heavy 2 pronged addiction. Physical and mental.
It sounds like you might be a bit kindled. You have been drinking off and on for decades. Additionally, you might have some antidepressants or some pills you mixed with drinking.
Everyone is different and the company line is see a Dr.
In my experience....I used heavy exercise and sweets to trick my brain. This went on for over a year. I suffered horribly getting clean, but the as far as I could tell, nobody knew it.
I was never diagnosed by a Dr. I decided to quit and made it this far.
There is no miracle, mystery, steps, etc etc. I do believe in God and without God, I am doomed. My faith is my bedrock.
I used to curl up in a ball and whimper. That suffering hardened me and made any appeal to relapse scary.
If you are in the hell I was, suffer, suffer, suffer. If quitting was easy, addiction wouldn't be addiction.
It boils down to the lack of dopamine production caused by alcohol usage.
It takes a long time to get used to normal and that is why so few make it out.
This place saved my life.
Pleasempost and ask questions before you drink. If you are on meds, you need to stay on them until you speak with a Dr.
Remember, the Dr. Is the most conservative way.
Thanks.
Here is the deal. Booze starts out a heavy 2 pronged addiction. Physical and mental.
It sounds like you might be a bit kindled. You have been drinking off and on for decades. Additionally, you might have some antidepressants or some pills you mixed with drinking.
Everyone is different and the company line is see a Dr.
In my experience....I used heavy exercise and sweets to trick my brain. This went on for over a year. I suffered horribly getting clean, but the as far as I could tell, nobody knew it.
I was never diagnosed by a Dr. I decided to quit and made it this far.
There is no miracle, mystery, steps, etc etc. I do believe in God and without God, I am doomed. My faith is my bedrock.
I used to curl up in a ball and whimper. That suffering hardened me and made any appeal to relapse scary.
If you are in the hell I was, suffer, suffer, suffer. If quitting was easy, addiction wouldn't be addiction.
It boils down to the lack of dopamine production caused by alcohol usage.
It takes a long time to get used to normal and that is why so few make it out.
This place saved my life.
Pleasempost and ask questions before you drink. If you are on meds, you need to stay on them until you speak with a Dr.
Remember, the Dr. Is the most conservative way.
Thanks.
to a meeting almost daily and i was centering my life around everything sobriety. it took everything i had in me and i made it my priority. Now meetings are closed but i still know its possible as many ppl here just seem to use this site... I believe it comes down to making the desiscion against using even after the initial pain has faded. Easier said than done of course. I do believe in God so i think for me praying will be a good start.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you are back. This part really sucks, I know. Lots of folks can tell you that every time you start over- assuming you get another chance- it's harder.
Make it work this time, bit by bit and day by day. You can do it.
Make it work this time, bit by bit and day by day. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Commit to not drinking or using TODAY. Don't worry about tomorrow, just for today do not pick up a drink or a drug and get your head on the pillow sober. You may prefer face to face meetings but they aren't an option right now so just get onto those online meetings and share if you need to but otherwise just listen! At the very least it will keep you from drinking or using and you may hear something you need to hear. This illness is progressive and will keep getting worse and worse, stay close to SR and keep posting, get online to as many meetings as possible there are so many to choose from and you dont even have to get dressed or leave your home, call another alcoholic and ask for help or call another alcoholic and ask how they are. Save your life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Yes, you can do it! Commit to coming on here and reading and posting every day and I think it will help. Being isolated is new and tricky for most of us. I am finding that it helps me to have a routine. It's a different routine than I had a few weeks ago, and it's evolving, but I feel more comfortable that way. Have faith that you can do this. And, keep getting out and walking when you can do so safely. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I believe you can do this RSanchez.
Life has changed - so make a recovery action plan that reflects those changes
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
Life has changed - so make a recovery action plan that reflects those changes
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by Rsanchez920
... The problem tends to be forgwtting the suffering so soon. I am actually on day 4 now that i think about it and too sick to even think of using... But tomorrow or the next day for example its like i can easily forget the pain ....
As the booze/drugs left my system things seemed to bother me more, the world moved too fast, my anxiety would ramp up. The only thing to quell it was booze/drugs.
That was the hell hole I had to suffer through.
Brain alteration =Brain damage. It is permanent. I will crave periodically for the rest of my life. Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety.
It is/was all about suffering. Sweets trick the brain. Exercise helps.
I just sit on the ground and start doing sit ups in my living room. Funny how the crave goes away when I am under some other stresser.
Then I get a natural high from dopamine, endorphins, and adrenaline. Not to mention when my sleep returned to normal. Omg....it is amazing.
Suffering and time. Posting gives me dopamine too.
Every good thing I do gives me dopamine.
I am still an addict, but I get high on life.
This is as God intended. That is why little kids are happy for no reason.
The world according to D122y.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Thanks for the tips!
Originally Posted by D122y
I thought I was forgetting the pain....and slipping back....but really that was the addiction.
As the booze/drugs left my system things seemed to bother me more, the world moved too fast, my anxiety would ramp up. The only thing to quell it was booze/drugs.
That was the hell hole I had to suffer through.
Brain alteration =Brain damage. It is permanent. I will crave periodically for the rest of my life. Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety.
It is/was all about suffering. Sweets trick the brain. Exercise helps.
I just sit on the ground and start doing sit ups in my living room. Funny how the crave goes away when I am under some other stresser.
Then I get a natural high from dopamine, endorphins, and adrenaline. Not to mention when my sleep returned to normal. Omg....it is amazing.
Suffering and time. Posting gives me dopamine too.
Every good thing I do gives me dopamine.
I am still an addict, but I get high on life.
This is as God intended. That is why little kids are happy for no reason.
The world according to D122y.
Thanks.
As the booze/drugs left my system things seemed to bother me more, the world moved too fast, my anxiety would ramp up. The only thing to quell it was booze/drugs.
That was the hell hole I had to suffer through.
Brain alteration =Brain damage. It is permanent. I will crave periodically for the rest of my life. Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety.
It is/was all about suffering. Sweets trick the brain. Exercise helps.
I just sit on the ground and start doing sit ups in my living room. Funny how the crave goes away when I am under some other stresser.
Then I get a natural high from dopamine, endorphins, and adrenaline. Not to mention when my sleep returned to normal. Omg....it is amazing.
Suffering and time. Posting gives me dopamine too.
Every good thing I do gives me dopamine.
I am still an addict, but I get high on life.
This is as God intended. That is why little kids are happy for no reason.
The world according to D122y.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Thank you for responding
Originally Posted by August252015
Glad you are back. This part really sucks, I know. Lots of folks can tell you that every time you start over- assuming you get another chance- it's harder.
Make it work this time, bit by bit and day by day. You can do it.
Make it work this time, bit by bit and day by day. You can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Thanks!!
Originally Posted by Anna
Yes, you can do it! Commit to coming on here and reading and posting every day and I think it will help. Being isolated is new and tricky for most of us. I am finding that it helps me to have a routine. It's a different routine than I had a few weeks ago, and it's evolving, but I feel more comfortable that way. Have faith that you can do this. And, keep getting out and walking when you can do so safely.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi Rsanchez. You did 59 days, which is amazing. You run out of chances eventually right? Let's not go down that road. You have either had your last binge - my most fervent hope - or there is another binge ahead of you, perhaps not too far distant, that will claim you. Your child needs you so much. You don't have to be embarrassed either. We are all the same and have all felt the way you feel now. So many times. I'm glad you are back.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
Welcome back Rsanchez. I've relapsed many times, please don't feel embarrassed. Addiction needs to be taken seriously, no room for blushing.
I don't underestimate how difficult it must be for you with a young son, withdrawal, and locked up because of this bloody virus. Not easy, but can see no way forward for you other than what you are doing. Not drinking, and taking care of your physical and mental health. This is the way forward. It is the way forward for all of us here.
It's a shame that there are no 'in person' meetings, but we've got to do the best we can with what we've got at the moment. Keep coming here, it will help.
I don't think you will "forget" this one Rsanchez. It sounds like you became very ill. Good news being that it does not have to happen ever again.
Please dont do it to yourself any longer. You are worth so much more. And once you get the hang you'll really like it.
I don't underestimate how difficult it must be for you with a young son, withdrawal, and locked up because of this bloody virus. Not easy, but can see no way forward for you other than what you are doing. Not drinking, and taking care of your physical and mental health. This is the way forward. It is the way forward for all of us here.
It's a shame that there are no 'in person' meetings, but we've got to do the best we can with what we've got at the moment. Keep coming here, it will help.
I don't think you will "forget" this one Rsanchez. It sounds like you became very ill. Good news being that it does not have to happen ever again.
Please dont do it to yourself any longer. You are worth so much more. And once you get the hang you'll really like it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
You believe in God but do you trust God?
I've asked myself that a lot. I see my anxiety and trust in God as the opposite. It's easier said then done but I think enough trust in God can weather anything.
I think sin can loosely be defined as anything that takes me off the path that I think God wants me to walk. I'm not a church person but I've heard the phrase walk in the spirit and I think that's kind of what I'm trying to do. I can't speak for you or know the path and purpose God wants for you. I see that as your own and I have enough trouble with my own. From my own unique understanding of, relationship with God I have figured out some things that apply to me.
I use to laugh about it but maybe my thoughts can be sin. Maybe my thoughts can detour me off that path. Sure, I'm going to think about a drink from time to time no matter how long I stay sober. Now I recognize it and correct it. When I feel anxiety what am I doing wrong? I'm not letting go and trusting in God. I'm putting things in my own hands instead of his. I'm worried about stuff I cant control instead of working with the situation God has given me. God has given me the gift of fear to avoid putting my hand in a fire or to survive dangerous situations but like many gifts, I abuse it sometimes.
It's not just alcohol and anxiety its lots of stuff. That's where I'm at, trying to stay on that path.
It's not the only way. You can be atheist and possibly get through this I suppose. If you trust in God enough though, I think it's one of the ways to get through this. Its not going to be easy, then again you may he suprised how easy it can be at times. God carried me a long way in early sobriety.
I've asked myself that a lot. I see my anxiety and trust in God as the opposite. It's easier said then done but I think enough trust in God can weather anything.
I think sin can loosely be defined as anything that takes me off the path that I think God wants me to walk. I'm not a church person but I've heard the phrase walk in the spirit and I think that's kind of what I'm trying to do. I can't speak for you or know the path and purpose God wants for you. I see that as your own and I have enough trouble with my own. From my own unique understanding of, relationship with God I have figured out some things that apply to me.
I use to laugh about it but maybe my thoughts can be sin. Maybe my thoughts can detour me off that path. Sure, I'm going to think about a drink from time to time no matter how long I stay sober. Now I recognize it and correct it. When I feel anxiety what am I doing wrong? I'm not letting go and trusting in God. I'm putting things in my own hands instead of his. I'm worried about stuff I cant control instead of working with the situation God has given me. God has given me the gift of fear to avoid putting my hand in a fire or to survive dangerous situations but like many gifts, I abuse it sometimes.
It's not just alcohol and anxiety its lots of stuff. That's where I'm at, trying to stay on that path.
It's not the only way. You can be atheist and possibly get through this I suppose. If you trust in God enough though, I think it's one of the ways to get through this. Its not going to be easy, then again you may he suprised how easy it can be at times. God carried me a long way in early sobriety.
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